13 month old needs sleep training...WHERE DO I START??

[sbchic1999]

Hello All,

My DD was a great sleeper as a young baby but has continued to deteriorate as time goes on.  Currently she is rocked to sleep, or nearly to sleep and then sleeps from 7:30/8 to 11 ish.  At that point she nurses (I know, I know ).  Then she wakes up sometimes at 1, sometimes at 2, 4, etc and if it is 4 am or later I will nurse her again.  Sometimes she goes back to sleep other times she cries and screams and we have to rock her.  Other times she comes to bed with me and she may fall asleep or continue crying.  When she is crying I will try to give her her pacifier and she spits it out and gets even more mad.  We are still BF'ing in the morning, at 2 pm and at bedtime, than again at 11 ish and when she wakes anytime between 4-7 am.  There are times that she will wake up at 1 am and be patted back to sleep until she wakes again to nurse early early morning.  Other times she will wake at an odd hour and be up for an hour to two hours.  Sometimes I will have to nurse her repeatedly in the middle of the night to get her to go back to sleep and stay asleep.  I don't think it is hunger and she rejects her binky so I have resorted to that because I am SO TIRED. It is like she is fighting going back to sleep and she is not all the way awake.  We have had some issues with her in the past month like she is having nightmares and is afraid to go back to sleep, if that is even possible at this young age.  BUt she will drift off and then wake in a panic and start crying again.  I think the main issue I should tackle now is getting her to sleep independently and I am just not sure where to start.  I know I should also stop BF'ing her so much at night (she is not underweight but perfectly healthy). She is also taking several first steps now which may play apart and seems to be experiencing some separation anxiety when I or another caregiver leave the room, even during the day while playing.  She is ALSO starting to transition from 2 naps to 1.  Some days she will need a nap at 10/10:30 other times she fights it and doesn't go down until 12.  I know this is probably a confusing post so hopefully someone is able to decifpher the issues here and lead me on the right path.  I work and have another child along with  a husband who works a lot and getting less than 5 hrs a sleep is KILLING me.

Here is her schedule:


Wake/nurse at 6:30-7
juice/water with her big brother at 7:15
Breakfast at 8/8:30
Nap at 10:30 (sometimes-starting to resist this one)
Awake at 11:30
Lunch at 12:30
Nap at 3/3:30-always wake her up by 4 so it doesn't interfere with bedtime
Dinner at 6:00
Nurse at 7:15
Bed 7:30-8

She never really gets more than 2 hours of sleep during the day, never really has.  On a rare occasion she has slept for 2.5 hours combined.  She is an active, super happy girl with a BIG temper.

Thanks so much for anyone who is ablet to help us.  I know I have a mess on my hands!!! 

[Truly Blessed]

Hello Hun,

First of all I can extend empathy to you and give you a great big (Hug) I have BTDT and I know how exhausting it is. Our DS was an IS but I started to feed him back to sleep during bad teething pain and then we ended up in the same predicament as you are in now (except I only had 1 LO to consider).

You mention various problems going on at the moment but I can't help but wonder if they are all linked together really. WRT the feeding and the routine tweak that is something that you can tackle at the same time and in fact is what Tracy recommended. If you take one problem at a time it is harder on the LO and yourself because it will inevitably take longer and be more tiring for all involved. WRT the nightmares, does she seem awake when she has them (if you have seen) or do you think they could be 'Night Terrors' If they are NT she will likely be upset and possibly screaming but with her eyes open. These are typically caused by being over tired, which no doubt she is with all the NW she's experiencing. The feeding back to sleep perpetuates the NW because when she is OT and struggling to sleep she will of course call for Mammy's help instead of self settling, and of course why would she not want to cuddle into cosy Mammy when that's what she is used to 

Do you know what her personality is  she sounds quite 'Spirited'

So what I would recommend is to go 'Cold Turkey' with the night feeds. She will without a doubt protest in a big way , as it's not what she is used to so prepare yourself for that, but with commitment and consistency she will 'get it' in the end.

WRT her routine can you tell me do you think her resisting the nap is down to being OT already due to the NW  or UT. Usually without the NW problem attached I would say UT but I wonder if before trying for 1 nap she may need a shorter A time in the morning for a short while to help her CU. If so I would suggest you go for a short am/long PM routine which would look like this:

WU 6.30

Nap 9.30 to 10.00

Nap 2 1.30 to 3.00 max

BT 7.30

Otherwise if she refuses you can push her to at least 4.5 preferably 5 hours A time and go for one uncapped nap then if she short naps bring BT early to compensate, let me know what you think 

For quitting the NF and the sleep training I would suggest Gradual Withdrawal. Here is a link for you to digest, see if you think GW would suit her personality best or Walk in Walk out.

Walk In/Walk Out vs. The Gradual Withdrawal Method (HOW TO CHOOSE)

With my DS (he was 11 months) I did GW with some Put Down if necessary. So you could start by sitting by the cot so that she knows your there and just use your 'sleepy phrase' Then you would work on turning your back and moving toward the door and finally out.

I'll wait for you to get back to me with which way you think is best to go WRT the routine and the ST. But I would say to choose your time to go for it. I was going to say pick a time (maybe the weekend) when you will have support and may be able to get a little more rest in for yourself, but I know that for we Mammy's it can be near impossible to do that 

Is your DH on side  is there any way he could start doing the ST because he isn't the one who feeds her so it often helps break the habit for some LO's.

(Hugs) Honey. This can be put right, and having a positive plan to move forward always makes me feel instantly better, than flailing in the wind 

x.