3.5...surely I shouldn't still need help...

[Jenn+Ethan+Emily]

Ugh, ugh, ugh! SO annoyed that I have to post about Ethan, AGAIN. This child WILL.NOT.SLEEP.

My fault, of course.  When we started really struggling with DD's reflux about a year ago, we ended up letting DS come and sleep in our bed when he woke up. Often he would wake up when she was screaming and I would end up taking him to our bed And going back and dealing with DD. DH works away so I am on my own most of the time. So summer comes along and DD's reflux is doing better and she is sleeping well. He was sleeping in our bed half the night but it wasn't bothering me as I was finally getting some sleep!  By September, I was annoyed with being kicked all night long and wanted my bed back. As soon as I started the transition back to his bed, DD reflux started back up with and I gave up with Ethan. Now he sleeps terribly, she sleeps terribly and I'm grumpy. So help me get him back to his bed!

Ethan has never slept well, never slept through the night and always wakes up early. Right now he is scared of everything which makes it hard to convince him he can stay in his room. He is quite particular about things and is definitely a creature of habit. He also seems to need human contact. He doesn't just sleep in our bed, he sleeps pressed against us or often on top of us. We move over, he moves over. Since birth, he has wanted to be touching us.

I have tried reasoning with him about it. He has a night light, he is right across the hall from us. He is scared of the dark, scared of the light, scared of the noise his blankets make, there's a bug attacking him, you name it, he's bothered by it. He gets so worked up about it that he can't breathe he's crying so hard. I've tired sleeping on his floor. He crawls in with me. Occasionally he won't go near his room for the while day because of something he saw the night before that scared him. I am 100% convinced that his fears are very real to him and he's not making it up to avoid going to sleep in his room. He is genuinely terrified.

So how do I help him? It seems crazy to make him stay in his room when he is so fearful. Bt it has been a year of our bed and I sort of assumed he would just start sleeping longer and longer in his own bed but it seems to have had the opposite effect.

He doesn't nap and usually wakes up 5:30ish and is sleeping by 6pm. I would love to have him waking up a touch later and not going to bed until 7pm but more importantly, I just want him to sleep!

I don't know what to do but after 3.5yrs, I am ready for longer then 2 hrs of sleep in a row!

[*Liz*]

Could you put a mattress on the floor of your room?? I have never done this but as my room is too small really but I have often thought of it when we have had bad patches.

I recently had a lot of joy with getting DD a new light - a pink one with Minnie mouse on  - not what I would usually do at all but we told her that the smiling character protects her and she really loved it. So she slept well.

If he is frightened of the room then I think lots of play and looking in corners etc. my 2 love playing with torches. Also explore shadows in sunlight, and simple shadow puppets etc. help him learn and understand to reduce the fear.

DS was still a pretty bad sleeper at 3.5. Now he is 4 he is FAR better. Rarely wakes, tends to wake after 6am, and now follows a groclock to stay in his room until the sunshine. He sleeps past it sometimes as well. Only by 10 mind, but hey, I will take it  .

[Jenn+Ethan+Emily]

Thanks for replying Liz. I have thought about putting a mattress on our floor. I just wasn't sure if that was creating the same problem. It might be the middle stepping stone though.

I never thought to play with shadows to help him. That's the majority of what it is, ie: there's a person over there which is really just his sweater hanging up. We obviously show him what it is but it would probably help to show him what makes the shadows and how that works.

He did sleep great last night. Asleep at 7pm, woke at 12am and came into my bed, then slept until 6:50am. So that's fantastic for him! We have talked a lot about him staying in his bed overnight but when it is actually happening, I feel terrible "making" him stay in there when he is terrified. It doesn't help that I remember being scared of the dark in my room and I remember how real it felt and how in the moment you could tell me my rational thing you wanted too and all I wanted was to get away from it.

[roseola]

Advice I got from a Guru, always go to them.

Can you put  a mattress for you in his room and tell him everyone sleeps in their own bed so he doesnt crawl in with you, but that you are right there with him. Then a habit doesn't form with where he sleeps and you can remove the mattress when he's ready.

[Jenn+Ethan+Emily]

Makes sense for sure. I guess half the problem with that is the fact that I have to get up and help DD a bunch in the night. For whatever reason when I am in his room, he wakes up when I leave. When he is in our bed, he never wakes up. I usually just turn a dim light on and go help her and come back. He cries hysterically when I leave if its in his room and his night light is on.

Okay more random thoughts. His room is loud but he says white noise bugs him. I have tried a few different sounds but he can never fall asleep. His room is right on the street and our road does have traffic on it all throughout the night. His room is a bit cold but he does know how to put him blankets on and he sleeps in fleece pjs which are warm and he chooses to keep the blankets off. We are replacing the windows in the beginning of February which should help with noise and the cold.

Also, do you think the comfort of a mattress could affect sleep at 3.5 yrs of age? When he only weighs 37lbs? I slept on his bed one night and I was so uncomfortable. His mattress is only two years old but it is very firm. I just don't know if that makes sense...

[lilybug25]

Hugs Jenn, you need a break! A nice long trip with DH to a hotel for 2 night were you just sleep and sleep (my 1 night honeymoon I actually had a 14 hr sleep, woke up feeling like a whole new person since I really hadn't had a descent night sleep in 2.5hrs at that point)
When Em hit the 30 pound mark she started complaining about her room, scared, too bright, too dark too loud etc.  Every night for weeks she would fall asleep in her bed and end up in ours (she also is a cling on at night )I noticed during the day she was rubbing her back and finally ask and she said her back hurt. I thought for a while it was just a trick to keep getting into my bed during the night but my mom got her a brand new pillow top mattress and a new bed frame (a single something she can grow into and have for years and years). It took a couple of night but she stays in her bed now all night without getting into ours.
I know JYSK in Red Deer has the most awesome pillow top pads (around $100.00) that make any hard bed soft. My mother got one for me during our stay this summer when I complained about my back (I was sleeping on my old bed from high school) it made the bed fell like the one I have at home, super soft.
HTH

[Jenn+Ethan+Emily]

That's great to know Lily, thanks Hun. I will look into that.

[kayra]

Hugs Jenn, poor Ethan those nightmares sound really awful Are you guys a 'praying' kind of family? We tend to pray when DS is scared, has a bad dream etc and I think he really does take comfort in it and I also believe in prayer in that sense. Just a thought, but I understand if it's not your family way.
Another thought, do you think it's at all related to his dad being away for long stretches and that's why he wants to be close to you? Maybe your DH could get him something special, or make him something (?) which will help keep him safe at night....?
Is there anything going on at school, stress situations etc that could be causing bad dreams?
Making his bed more comfortable sounds like a good idea, also playing with shadows etc.
DS's room gets a lot of noise from the outside too, but he's had the same room since birth so he's used to it. Has Ethan always been around noise? If so it may not be such a factor...either way it's great that you're getting new windows soon, i wish we were
So many hugs my dear, I don't know how you do it by yourself, I really take my hat off to you! wish we could help! can your mum or someone come round or have Ethan a few nights to give you a break?
xx

[babybarr]

I'll be back when I have a bit more time

[roseola]

Sorry so long to get back!

When you have left his room in the past to take care of your DD do you usually come back in to your DS's room to go back to sleep with him?

Does the noise from outside wake him from sleeping? Maybe you could sneak in and put the white noise on after he falls asleep??

[Jenn+Ethan+Emily]

Sorry, I AM coming to respond to this. I just need To sleep first.

[babybarr]

Quick couple of thoughts I had last night... what about a sleeping bag in his bed or one of those long thick cushions / pillows to help make him feel like he has company?