Stopping 14mth nw - need hand to hold!

[mycatmonet]

hi everyone!

DD is nearly 14.5months. Most nights she has 1 nw, or sometimes 2. This is far far far better than she was some months ago, but I think it's now maybe my fault because I might go to her too soon at her nw (not really waiting until she really does the 'i need you' because she can whinge/grumble coughing for attention cry (kwim) on and off for aaaages before actually needing me, and i just want everyone to get as much sleep as possible) and when i do go to her, we still bf at nw.  The times i try not to bf she screams and wriggles and lunges in my arms and then i give in and bf as she screams SO hard.

Anyway, so the nf needs to stop. I don't think it's going to be pretty. Any BTDT advice appreciated, feeling a bit nervous!

The nw aren't at the same time, though we'll sometimes have a run of a similar time for a couple of days, then it changes.

I don't know if it's still ot that never goes away entirely. Our routine atm is
Wu ummm ideally 6-6:30am (but sometimes earlier and infrequently later)
5hr A
Nap (1h15min-2h usually)
A is 5h45-7h (depending on wu and nap length)
Set BT 7pm for stories, in bed 7:10-15pm and asleep within 10-20min.

DD will go to sleep independently without a peep most naps and nights. It's just the nw that persists.

I'm not sure how wiwo will work with her.  DD is quite spirited, and i think my presence in the room doesn't help, especially if she isn't getting what she wants (boob). I have spoken to her over the baby monitor once and told DD to go back to sleep and that didn't go down well at all! So i am anticipating a LOT of screaming.

Any advice or a hand to hold greatly appreciated!!

[*Ali*]

Hi Caitlin.
I have weaned the NFs with my two at 12.5mo (DS1) and 15mo (DS2) and although unpleasant it is so worth it. I knew by then it was just a habit even though they were inde sleepers for naps and BT.

With DS1 DH actually dealt with the NWs for me. He had done lots of BTs so DS1 was used to daddy settling him. I think it helped as he would settle much quicker for DH presumably because he knew there was no hope of a boob LOL. DH used WIWO with PD. So he generally waited for DS1 to pull up and cry then laid him back down, perhaps did a quick rub of the tummy and said our sleepy phrase and walked out. We used the video monitor to check what he was doing and if he got up again and cried DH would repeat the WI, PD, WO. The first few days it took hours and was horrible but by about the 5th night he was just waking once and resettling within 15 mins or less. Then it was a few days with just one WIWO and then he started sleeping through.

With DS2 I handled the NWs since he wasn't used to DH putting him down(DH generally puts DS1 in bed while I BF DS2 and then put him to bed). I used more of a gradual withdrawal approach since we are still sharing a room. I started off sitting on the floor by his cot and repeating our sleepy phrase. If necessary I put my hand through the bars to him. Then I moved to sit on my bed across the room and then just called out from my bed without even getting up. If I wasn't in bed yet I would just sit outside the door with it open a crack and call into the room. It was much quicker with DS2. His NFs were normally around 5.30am and then he went back to sleep for another hour or two. The first three mornings he just was up from the EW even though I spent until 7am trying to resettle him. i then left the room to go to the bathroom and came back in all cheery like it was now morning. On the forth morning he actually went back to sleep the next 2 days and then he just started sleeping through. Now if he wakes (rare) I normally just have to spend a few minutes telling him it's still sleepy time and he goes back to sleep. He often doesn't even cry, I think he just doesn't know if it is time to get up yet until I tell him. He does tend to get up about 6.40am these days which is a little earlier than he used to but not too bad. He has always been an early riser unfortunately.

With both boys I think it helped to tell them beforehand that there would be no more milk at night because they were big boys now. If they asked for milk in the night I would tell them that mama's boobies were sleeping and they could have milk in the morning. They did seem to understand at least a little.

HTH

[mycatmonet]

thanks ali! I wish DH would help with this one, but  he just says 'she wants you, i can't do anything' and he's be ok to let her cry. And she's used to me coming to her in the night, so she does look over his shoulder for me, so i guess i might just have to deal with it!
You raised a good point about telling the LO what's going to happen, i will try this.
DD actually sttn last nigh, 7:25pm-6:15pm. That's a longish ns for her. I think when i raise isses on BW she does the opposite, so maybe i should not mention the sttn!!

[*Ali*]

Can you get DH to participate in BT just so LO gets used to him putting her down when she isn't upset? It can be very handy when you want to go out without them to know she will be ok with daddy
DH used to say that about them wanting me sometimes but I would point out that they actually wanted a BF and I wasn't going to give them that either
Good luck, let us know how she goes.

[mycatmonet]

yep, DH needs to start pd for bt. He does naps, and he has done bt but not for ages... he misses bt 3 nights a week as he's still at work anyway.
DD went to sleep fine at bt tonight, having stories she was lunging toward the cot which i took as a sign she wanted to finish up and go to bed. fx for tonight then!

[ashleycp]

I had this same problem around 10 months. I got DH to start putting her down with a bottle. Once she was ok with that we started sending him in for NW with a bottle. After a few days we began watering down the bottle gradually over the course of a week until it was almost only water. She stopped waking on her own  before the week was out bc she wasn't getting BF and her body wasn't accustomed to eating in the middle of the night anymore. She did cry at first but stay strong! Having daddy there will keep her from feeling abandoned.

[mycatmonet]

thanks ashleycp... Dh's contribution to the 3.30am nw was to say 'is she possessed by the devil or what'. Well thankyou honey, that's a big help. Only 15 min of screaming wiwo. Asleep again at 3.55am. So could be worse.....
But now nw #2 at 4:13am!

[jessmum46]

Here just to hold hands Caitlin - keep going, you can do it!

(And boooooooo to DH - men are rubbish sometimes!)

[*Ali*]

15mins that is great!

[mycatmonet]

thanks katherine. Yes, last night went well, i was surprised and pleased. All up nw from 3.30-3.55am (with no crying from 3.45am, when DD was just sitting up in the cot very still) then she lay down and slept 20min, and woke 4:13am, and cried a little, but not to warrant wiwo, and she was asleep again at 4:25am. So all up she was awake only 35min, which is roughly the same amount of time had i fed her anyway, so no loss of ns.

DD then had wu today at 6:30am. So 10h 40min night sleep, which is good for DD following a 2h10min nap yesterday : )

[mycatmonet]

so since I decided the nw must stop, DD has not had nw! Very strange.... Was good for a few nights and had some sleep ins, good nights and long naps, but now is ew after 10h-10h25min ns. Naps are 1h20-25min.

Am A is 5h or so or up to 5.5hrs. I have stuck with 7pm bt as a set bt rather than doing ebt...

Wwyd? Dyt it is teeth or ot? Both?

[jessmum46]

Could be teeth at the root of it but probably OT too.  What about EBT for a couple of days just to see if it helps?  Great news on the NWs though!

[mycatmonet]

it's great about the nw, but it's kinda eerie, it just stopped after 1 night of 15min wiwo! Waiting for it to return, it is too good to be true..

might try ebt again... Did one day over the weekend, and still took a while to fall asleep, so ns wasn't improved.

Dd also just started walking by herself this weekend...
 

[jessmum46]

Yay for walking - it's so cute isn't it?  J had a crazy sleep week just before she started to walk so perhaps things might settle down again in a few days?

[mycatmonet]

fx! thanks for the encouragement!! Xx