help - 4 week old being held constantly

[Littlemissbump82]

hi, please help!! my son is 4 and a half weeks old, he was 6lbs1oz born so quite teeny, and we had breastfeeding issues for 3 weeks (poor latch, tongue tie which has now been cut, he was hungry all the time and not getting milk from me so switched to formula 3 weeks old and stopped bf altogether).
nt
While I was bf he was on me constantly, and I mean non stop - day and night, even while I went to the loo  he is MUCH more content now on formula, brings up his wind easily and goes 3 hours between feeds.

but ... he still needs to be held 24/7! When awake if I put him down he instantly starts crying, when asleep, no matter how asleep he is, as soon as he is put down he squirms, moans then breaks out into full blown crying ... as soon as he's picked up he settles.

My 2year old daugter had terrible silent reflux, I don't think his is a reflux issue, he doesn't seem to be inconsolable like she was and even in his carseat he doesn't settle well as not being held ... at 4 weeks he now weighs 7lbs2 so still quite small, when people see him they think he's brand new newborn, he has that fetal look about him if you know what i mean!

I don't know what personality he is sometimes I think textbook (providing he is being held he is a very easy baby!) sometimes I think touchy ... incidentally i also took him to chiropractor and cranial osteopath as he had a very fast labour but they found no issues with him that would affect him lying flat and said he's very healthy 

how am i going to ever put him down? i "sleep" propped up holding him on my chest, i'm totally exhausted and its not practical for naps as i have my 2yr old to look after - shes also getting fed up and jealous of me holding him all the time.

I've tried: raising the crib to an angle, warming the mattress, putting my top in there so he has my scent, ssh patting, swaddling (he really fights the swaddle and no matter how tight gets his arms out), resting my hand on his tummy while he drifts off but then his eyes pop open and he's crying until i pick him up ... any ideas? also, i find it hard to read his tired signs so don't know when to put him down. yesterday he woke at 6.45am, had a bottle, i changed him etc then at 8.15am swaddled him, held him, calmed him until he was staring and starting to nod off, then as soon as I put him down and kept my hand on his tummy he was crying - 9am he was still awake and finally I gave in and he passed out on my shoulder for 40 mins.

I know he's only young but I cant function like this, has anyone else dealt with this and have any tips?
x

[jessmum46]

Actually the very first thing that came to my mind was reflux   especially if your DD had significant silent reflux I would be very suspicious that could be the reason for him being unsettled.  I think I would probably go and discuss it with your doctor and see if a trial of medication would be appropriate before doing anything else.  (((Hugs))), it sounds really tough for you.  Have you got a sling/wrap you could wear him in to keep your hands free for your toddler?

Also noticed your A time was very long for his age - most would only handle up to an hour at 4 weeks of age, perhaps a touch less.  It might be worth trying a bit earlier for nap time and see if that helps x

[weaser]

Dear, my heart goes out to you. I can't believe this sounds exactly like my DS and I situation! I too didn't discover his tongue tie for the first four weeks, at that point he rejected the breast and was frantic unless I was holding him. We finally figured it out, had the procedure done, but like you we had the strong habit of needing to be held or rocked all the time. For us it was a slow process to transition, I too let him sleep on my chest in my arms sitting up on a chair next to the couch. This is what we did, hope it gives you some ideas:

We have an L shaped couch, on the short end I put a little cot for him, on the long end I made a bed for me. On the chair I would hold him as long as he needed, till he was calm and usually just asleep, then I would gently move him to the little cot and I would go to the couch too, if he cried I would pick him up and repeat as many times as needed. Eventually he didn't fight it, took a good two weeks to be able to put him down no problem, but I still slept next to him like that till we got close to 3 months. Then I moved the cot into his room inside the crib, worked on putting him down drowsy but awake, and I slept on the floor. This went on for another two weeks and I then could move into my room and use the monitor. Now he sleeps in his room, loves his crib, but has some other props I wish I didn't use during this process because I can't get rid of them now: he has to be propped on his side, paci, and swaddle.

With my DS I think the whole tongue tie was traumatizing, he is now touchy with sleeping and eating, but textbook with everything else (no reflux or anything). So, for us, we had to do things very calmly and gradually so he wouldn't worry anymore. Again, wish I didn't use the paci so much or prop him on his side, but hopefully that helps guide you a little better if you think this would help your LO.

Sorry I can't really help with your older child as my DS is our first I had time to just focus on him. Maybe think of a way to get her involved, "you can make the shush noises to help the baby sleep," or something? Oh yeah! When it was really bad I did carry him in our ergo inside the infant insert, mainly during the day, then I could still get things done and he would sleep.

[Littlemissbump82]

thank you so much for your replies! I will mention the reflux to the Dr, it would make sense as he cries so much when laid down to have his nappy changed, as soon as he is held upright he stops - my daughter had an intense scream (she would often cry herself hoarse) and was totally inconsolable, we had months of constant crying with her and her reflux ... but maybe some of that was also her temperment (she is a VERY spirited child and was from day 1 of being born!) whereas he definitely isn't spirited..

I will try and keep perservering with putting him in the moses basket tonight while I sleep next to him on the couch, it's hard because I'm soo exhausted I just want sleep anyway I can get it, but I know it needs resolving so will involve some more sleepless nights! He really isn't keen on a dummy, we keep trying every day but it makes him more fussy - he has found his thumb a few times (my daughter is also a thumb sucker) and I'm wondering if that's also why he tries so hard to get his arms out of the swaddle, he's constantly sucking on his hands.

Thank you again I'll let you know how I get on and what the Dr says about the reflux x

[weaser]

Good luck! I just want to add one more thing we learned about the tongue tie you might want to check. Some tongue ties go deeper and are hard to find. That happened to us, the front of it was clipped when he was born, but he kept having problems like yours. One problem is that the back of the tongue can't lift all the way so even though they can suck they can't swallow very well.  This leads to symptoms similar to reflux because milk stays in throat. Once we found that it was deeper and had that released the reflux symptoms went away. Just a thought you may want to check. x

[lily_layne]

My LO really fought swaddling so I quit trying until a friend convinced me to try it again because it would help her sleep on her own.  I was skeptical, but gave it another shot and wrapped her really tight.  I used the Summer SwaddleMe wraps and she couldn't get her arms out.  Once she got used to the swaddling, she'd calm down as soon as I started to swaddle her and it did help her sleep better.  White noise really helped also.  I really regret giving up on the swaddle because I think it would've saved us from days (and nights) of crying.  My friend is a pro at swaddling and she uses 2 light blankets and wraps them really tight - it works like a charm.  Her technique is a little different than what I've seen before - if you want to give it a go, let me know and I'll do my best to describe it for you.