the guilt of 'starving' your child! Advice please :-)

[RachandHarry]

 Hi People,

My son is 16 mths old and not really eating at dinner time.  I've been guilty of not encouraging enough finger foods at the evening meal so I'll take responsibility for it but have now left myself in a hole! 

Up until now he has been happy to eat jarred food from the supermarket but has decided to kick up a fuss with that now also.  He is fabulous at breakfast and lunch, morning and afternoon tea.  Maybe I'm feeding him to much during the day?  An average breakfast is 2 weetbix, 1 banana, 1 piece of toast.  Lunch is a sandwich (2 slices of bread) a piece of fruit an a yogurt.  Snacks are usually a couple of crackers, a half piece of fruit or a muesli bar (not all three!). 

I've spoken to our plunket nurse and she recommended tough love.  If he doesn't eat, he doesn't get anything else.  If it's on the floor, it's left there, he doesn't get anything else.  I've read through this board too and seems to be a common issue, and the advice seems similar.

I feel super guilty putting him to bed without a proper meal or something in his tummy.  Would any of you agree that this is the right thing to do?  If not, any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

[mycatmonet]

hugs! I know how upsetting it is when lo goes to bed without what i consider much dinner. However, if DD isn't hungry i can't make her eat, and i won't make something different. So imho if you offer dinner and your lo doesn't want it, that's ok in my world!!
If you think maybe your DS is eating too much during the day you could reduce it a little and see if dinnertime improves?

My 18mth 11kg DD eats 1 weetbix for breakfast, maybe with a couple of prunes, and during the day will have 2 smaller meals that total a sandwich, 1 or 2 pieces of fruit, some yoghurt or cheese and 1-2 cups of milk. She eats maybe every 3 hours or so? We have an early dinner 4-4:30ish, as we do 6pm ish bt. 
Each lo will be different i guess, only you would know if he's eating too much during the day and it is spoiling his appetite for dinner?

[Shiv52]

I also don't make alternatives. If dinner isn't eaten then that's ok but I don't scurry round trying to find something else. I'd read toddlers most often consume 80% of their calories in the first half of the day so not to worry too much about dinner.   From the sounds of it your LO is eating well so honestly I wouldn't stress. You can't make him eat, all you can do is provide healthy meals which you are doing.

My 2.5 year old still regularly doesn't eat dinner.  But I think by dinner she's wrecked and tired and just can't be bothered.  But she's totally healthy. 

[ZacsMumme]

So i wrote this last night

anywho, agree with the other ladies. ..

but I'm shocked at your plunket nurse tbh! What about giving you information rather than just telling you what to do.
My plunket nurse and dr have both said that between 1-2 they pretty much live on air. Getting 1-2 good meals a day is often all they need. Snacking is common. Often they are just too tired to eat in the evening too, even if on a good schedule YK? - they're distractable, irritable. And if like my boy excited as daddy is home.

Z always has a great breakie and either a good meal before or after lunch at that age, with snacks. I tried not to expect much more from him.

It here something in the early evening he likes and ill eat that isn't rubbish? If your concerned you can always offer this before or after dinner. Or as prt of it. - Z always liked a yogurt.

[We Three]

I too think that what he is eating is great! I might try no snacks within 90 minutes of dinner, but other than that I would just go with it, still having him sit with you guys for dinner, even if he isn't eating, yk? He might pick if there is no pressure and you're all just chatting, yk? But if he doesn't, I think it's perfectly ok.....these los change so fast....!

[RachandHarry]

Thanks for your advice ladies!  Last night I decided to be tough and not give in and Harry went to bed after eating very little.  No surprises to you ladies but he slept through the night and woke at 7am!  We are normally a 5.30am family so not only did he still sleep through but I also got a sleep in.  Going to keep on at this now that we've taken the first step.  I guess sometimes you just need someone to tell you that it's ok!  So thanks again :-)

[mycatmonet]

awesome, love the sleep in!!!

[*Ali*]

If you are concerned that he is not eating "dinner foods" it might be worth offering a cooked meal at lunch time or at least more protein-based foods then. So rather than a sandwich you might offer something like chicken, pasta and sweet corn or pitta and houmous with tomatoes and tuna. I agree he is probably fine but I was just thinking that many if the foods you mentioned are grains and carbs which can be quite heavy on the tummy.
He is eating lots in the early meals though so no doubt he is getting enough calories to sustain him.
Does he drink a lot of milk that could be filling him up in the afternoon? About 10oz is what is recommended here and that includes allowances for cheese and yogurt as well.

[RachandHarry]

Thanks Ali, I think you're totally right, there are a lot of grains and carbs going on so will definitely give your suggestion a go as well.  Maybe with eating better at lunch he might be more receptive to different foods.  He does still have 150ml milk in the morning and at night before bed but none during the day.  He does drink a lot of water too which could be making him feel full but as you say he's getting plenty of calories so it's probably not something I want to discourage.  Thanks for your suggestion.  Will give that a go this week and see how we get on. :-)

[*Ali*]

I definitely wouldn't worry about water filling him up
It doesn't sound like milk would be problem either.

Another thought I had was whether he is very tired at dinner time and just can't be bothered. My two are like this if we eat too late or around transitions to less naps. Sometimes doing dinner a tad earlier helped and then offering a small snack before bed.