Sleep training attempt at 13 months.

[thezenmum]

Hello everyone! My DS is 13 months now and hasn't slept through the night since he was born. The longest he has ever slept is 3.5 hours. I have induced too many bad sleep associations for him, which makes self soothing next to impossible for him. We have tried CIO which obviously failed since he is a "high needs child" aka extremely spirited baby. I read the BW was really sold, since then we have improved many things like a consistent bed time routine, better nap schedules and try our best to keep him from becoming overtired. But since old habits die hard, DS cannot get over waking up multiple times through the night, out of pure habit and need to be comforted. He wants a bottle or wants to be held and rocked to be comforted. It has gotten to the point that he now wakes up every 45 minutes. At 13 months I know I have many changes to implement like stopping his night time feeding completely, stop feeding him to sleep and use gradual withdrawal method to teach him to self soothe.

My plan is to do his bed time routine as usual, give him the bottle, play lightly for a little while and put him in the crib awake but drowsy. Since he sleeps by being patted and hummed (loudly my vocal cords are clear  ), I am planning to start the GW method, by just hovering over his crib and putting him down when he stands up and saying our sleep phrase till he sleeps on his own.

I really am at a breaking point here, I haven't gotten sleep in almost a year  and since the husband works very long hours, the training is going to be entirely my doing. I want it to work this time and would really really appreciate any suggestions or help.

Thanks so much!!!!

[anna*]

That sounds like a plan - when do you begin?

[thezenmum]

I already started it today. Well as I suspected it was a very tough night. His last nap ended at 5pm so I started his bedtime routine at 7:15 so he could started winding down to sleep by 8-8:15. I put him in his crib at 8:15 and said our sleep phrase, he woke up immediately (I could see it in his eyes, this is not how I sleep, what is wrong with you) And then the party started. I would PD, say our sleep phrase and he would stand up again. This went on for 20 minutes and I had to PD 83 times and he finally fell asleep. I think it was out of pure exhaustion.

WU1: at 9:15, I just went in put him down since he was standing up and said our phrase. He rubbed his eyes and rolled on his side and went back to sleep

at 9:40 I heard a noise but since he did not continue, i did not go in. When I went in to check after 5 minutes he was snoozing away.

WU2: at 11:15, he woke up again and I put him down 15 times repeating our phrase after which his crying stopped and he rolled to his side and slept.

WU3: at 12:45am: There was a lot of loud crying for 5 minutes with 2PDs and then he went to sleep. He woke up again in 5 minutes fussed for a while and went back to sleep.

WU4: at 1:50am: After 11 PDs, he went to sleep and I thought this isn't so bad. Boy, was I wrong or what?! He kept crying/fussing for 2 hours with 59 PDs and whole lotta frustration on my end. He really wanted his milk. At 4:15, when I could see no end in sight, I caved and gave him a bottle. He became drowsy and then I patted him to sleep.

I feel horrible veering from my plan of not giving him a bottle. What should I do if it happens tomorrow?? I know this is an improvement since he is still used to drinking 2-3 times at night. Should I cut out this one feed slowly or go cold turkey?

We have some part of the night ahead of us, so I'll update later about the rest. I better go sleep 

[anna*]

Hey that is really not bad for a first night, well done!

I think it's reasonable to give him one bottle for 2-3 nights, then go cold turkey on that one. By then he should be used to the idea of going longer with out a bottle at night and used to the ideaof settling without one. What I would say is, tonight, decide before you go in to him whether you are going to give a bottle or settle him without one. If you're going to do the bottle, give it straight away and then settle him back to sleep. If you're going to do PD, do it for however long it takes even if after an hour you think he must be hungry. You can always give him the bottle at the next waking.

[haribo89]

Hi, I just wanted to say *hugs* and good luck, we are going through the same as you with our 12 month old who has never STTN and was always rocked to sleep too.
We are a little further down the line than you are now and although we are having a bit of a set back at the moment i know it will be worth it in the end.
Only advise i have is to try and be as consistent as you can, it will help you and your little one.

[thezenmum]

UPDATE: So DS slept for 3 hours after his 4:15 feed and I could see that he was still sleepy so I got him in bed with me, after which he slept for another hour.

BUT, the real problem today has been the naps. He somehow knew what was coming, so instead of getting drowsy and going to sleep he started playing and babbling the moment I put him in his crib. I knew he was tired because he was constantly rubbing his eyes but to avoid sleeping by himself, he resorted to being playful. I even walked out of the room a couple of times thinking that he may just babble and go off to sleep, (Wishful thinking) instead he screamed like banshee. I had to pat him both times to get back to sleep.

What should I do when he starts going this at bedtime or night wakings?Should I continue putting him down when he is standing up even if he is being all playful?

[anna*]

If he's playing instead of sleeping, the first thing to check is that he's not overtired, and getting a second wind. Routine check. Next, make sure his room is totally pitch dark (so he can't SEE to play). Finally, leave the room if he is calm and playing. Go back in and do PD when he starts crying.

[thezenmum]

Thanks Anna, making the room pitch dark really helped!!!

NIGHT 2 UPDATE: DS went down at this usual bedtime at about 8 pm. He gave in pretty quickly, after 7 minutes and 23 PDs he started to self settle himself and was completely asleep by 8:25pm. He woke up only 3 times last night . Once, was as usual at 11pm at which point I gave him some milk since he had been on a semi hunger strike yesterday. Then he woke up at 2:45am and afte a couple PDs and patting, he was asleep. He then woke up for the day at 6AM bright and cheery!! I think he woke up once between 11pm and 2:45 but I was too sleepy to check the time and he resettled back in no time, so it was no big deal.

His typical day looks like this,

6AM- wake up for the day.
9:30-10:30/11AM- Nap 1 (It is usually only for an hour)
3:00-4:30- Nap 2 (If I am sitting next to him, he tends to go longer)
7PM: Start his bedtime routine.
8PM: He is in his crib, ready to sleep.

Do you think he is ready to make the transition to one nap? Or should I let things be just the way they are and concentrate on NWs first.

Thanks, I know this is a bit early in the process but it gives me a lot of hope!

[anna*]

Yay, great update  Great that he self-settled in the middle of the night, I don't even count NWs where I don't have to get out of bed

He's probably ready to start the transition, but remember that the transition is a PROCESS, not a switch. (not usually anyway, some mums go cold turkey). So you'll start by doing one long nap and one catnap for a couple of months and he'll probably be fully on one nap by about 15 months.

I prefer the short am and long pm nap - because both of my babies, if I let them have a long morning nap, they would just refuse the pm nap altogether.

So if you wanted to go that route you would start by capping the morning nap at say 45 mins, and then bring the pm nap forwards a little bit (on the basis that he'll need a shorter A time after a shorter nap), and let him have a good 1.5hrs in the afternoon. Then when that nap starts to be resisted or get shorter (UT), you cap the morning nap again until it's 30 mins, then 15 mins, and then you'll wind up on one nap at about 11.30am.

[Truly Blessed]

Hi zenmum, I just want to give you a virtual pat on the back and say how well you have done! Sleep exhaustion is one of the hardest things to cope with, but I hope you have felt a little more energised since having a plan and putting it into place. There is nothing worse than tredding water (or mud  ) You really are doing a great job. Oh and by the way, try not to panic the first time you wake up and it's already morning, and he's slept through the night LOL.

Keep it up! sleep here you and DS come.x.

He sounds adorable by the way, and no doubt he will be at his very best and his personality will really start to shine through when he is super rested  .

[thezenmum]

Hi zenmum, I just want to give you a virtual pat on the back and say how well you have done! Sleep exhaustion is one of the hardest things to cope with, but I hope you have felt a little more energised since having a plan and putting it into place. There is nothing worse than tredding water (or mud  ) You really are doing a great job. Oh and by the way, try not to panic the first time you wake up and it's already morning, and he's slept through the night LOL.

Keep it up! sleep here you and DS come.x.

He sounds adorable by the way, and no doubt he will be at his very best and his personality will really start to shine through when he is super rested  .

Thank you for your encouragement Sammysmammy. On not so perfect nights like today the words really help!

[thezenmum]

Day 3

Woke up for the day at 6am.

Nap 1: He had his milk at about 8:30am played for a little while and started getting a bit distenterested at about 9. So I started his wind down, sang to him, closed the blinds and put him in his crib at 9:15. He did fuss, but after a minute and one PD he calmed down and started to settle. Each time, he would try to get up, I would repeat our phrase and he would lay back down. By 9:20 he was fast asleep!
Napped from 9:15 to 10:40.

Nap 2: Didn't do as well! Actually I think I let him get overtired which again put him in a playful mood. And when he did get tired all he did was rub his eyes vigorously. I had to pat him a bit to calm him down and he took it rest of the way. It did take 20 minutes though
Napped from 3:05 to 4:30

Bedtime: I decided to take it up a notch today, so after the bedtime thang, I put him in his crib at about 7:45. Instead of practically falling in his crib and patting him, I sat by his crib on a chair about 2feet far and did not pat him. I put him down 40 times but I think I expected that since there was no patting involved. Transitions are tough!! There were times during the process when I wanted to just go ahead and pat him but I just kept it together and reminded myself of the ultimate goal. After 30 minutes, he put himself to sleep without any help from me, except putting him down and repeating our sleep phrase each time.

It was suggested on the forum that he may take a step backwards and I think today was the day. He woke up about four times between 9-10:30 and on the husbands insistence I gave him milk. After that he slept until 1:05am. But then he was waking up every hour! A gentle pat did the trick. At 3:15 wake up call though he just kept moving from one side to another. I changed his diaper, patted him some and he went back to sleep after about 40 minutes of trying.

Is there anything that I did glaringly wrong today?

[anna*]

It sounds to me like a pretty good day! Early evening wakings like that tend to indicate overtiredness, but I wouldn't expect that after two good naps. Has he got all his expected teeth?

The other thing to mention is that most babies his age are starting the 2-1 nap transition. I notice that your day is long - 14 hrs - so you can fit 2 x 1.5hr naps in there, but you may wish to cap one or other of the naps and bring your day back to closer to 12hrs.

[thezenmum]

Weekend update:

There is only one word to describe our weekend and that is ROUGH. DS has been behaving very very oddly this weekend. He fights every nap and even skipped one on Sunday which made him OT for the next one. I have been particularly careful to prevent any overtiredness and do a good winding down but as soon as I put him in his crib he will start playing with his feet and fingers. Plainly put he does not want to sleep even though I can see how sleepy he is. He also knows that if he stands up, I'll go and put him down so that has become another form of entertainment for him. If I walk out and leave the room when he is playing in the crib, he will stand up and scream bloody murder and when I go inside to settle him, he'll start playing again.

When he eventually decides to sleep it is difficult to calm him down. He does not want to be patted or touched and if I leave him alone, he'll start arching his back. What am I dealing with here?

All my motherly instincts seem to be botched up. I am overtired and don't know how I should proceed. I am not giving up though.

Once he is asleep he is going for longer stretches now, like 2.5 hours. Unless he is in teething pain.

PS: I have been giving him infant tylenol to soothe his teething pain, pretty sure his molars are coming in.

[thezenmum]

After the debbie downer attitude in my last post, I am back with more hope in this one Its wonderful what a rested mama can achieve

After a good night sleep (thanks to the husband) I thought about all things that went wrong this weekend in relation to DS's sleep. A couple of other posts on the forum made me realize that DS was either overtired or undertired when he was put to to sleep hence all the resistance and playfulness.

It is really easy to blame the LO when I am tired and running on low sleep but really it was all my fault. Thanks to this forum and all the mama's who share their wisdom, it has really helped me in making some wise choices.
Thank you ladies!!

Fingers crossed and hoping we have a more manageable sleep schedule today.