11MO long first stretch then can't get back down :(

[mary_mary]

Hi!
Firstly I wanted to say how fab this forum is, it has already helped me massively re: PU/PD and now have an 11mo LO who goes down at night with very few issues and FINALLY lets his daddy help out! Phew!  He's never STTN so i'm beginning to feel the strain a little.....

Our remaining issue is that after he's gone down for the night, after his first 5hr stretch of sleep (sometimes completely uninterrupted, sometimes with one or 2 wake-ups but goes back down very easily with one PD) he'll have his feed then I can't get him back down.  He screams and screams like you've never heard. Some nights, he calms down and i'll think he's dropping off, but after 20 secs of silence, he's back standing up screaming and the battle continues    I'll be completely honest and say that after nearly an hour of this, i can't hack it anymore and he comes into bed with me and usually sleeps through.  Neither of us are happy and i'm not willing to put both of us through it night after night.

A 'typical' day looks like this:

WU: 6:30-7am and bf
E: 7:30am (solids)
S: 10:30ish for 1hr30 to 2hrs

E: 12:30 (solids then bf)
S: 3pm-ish for 45 mins to 1hr

E: 5:30pm (solids)
S: 7:30pm (bf before bed)

We have a good bedtime routine and he goes down in his cot with just a couple of put downs. 

His midnight/1am feed is definitely a good feed and not a comfort suck so im happy to continue to give it for the time being.  I dont' think it's a gas issue with this feed either as there's no difference between that and his bedtime feed, and once he's in bed with me, there's no issue!

I'd be so grateful for any help/advice.  After over 11 months of sleepless nights, i'm starting to struggle.  Getting him to go down in his cot without issue has been a major turning point for us (we co-slept until 7 months) but i'm finding this midnight screaming battle the hardest challenge yet 

Thank you xxx

[Layla]

Hi there and welcome

Do you think he would respond well if you lay down on the mattress in his room by his cot and try and soothe him with words? If you want to stop co-sleeping altogether, that would probably be the next best option and you can then slowly start moving towards the door....

How long has it been since you've stopped co-sleeping?

[mary_mary]

Thanks for your reply

We stopped co-sleeping 4 months ago.  If it was just me and him in the bed i'd happily carry on tbh, but OH isn't happy about it now he's getting bigger

I've tried sitting next to his cot and singing softly to him which he usually loves, but at 1am screamy time, it just makes him worse if anything.  I'll try your suggestion though.

Do you think it's a separation thing then?  I had kind of ruled that out seeing as he initially goes down fine, but maybe you're right and it's just going to take a bit longer for him to go a whole night without me?

xx

[Layla]

We stopped co-sleeping 4 months ago.  If it was just me and him in the bed i'd happily carry on tbh, but OH isn't happy about it now he's getting bigger

(((Hugs))). I co-slept with dd3 on and off for about 3 months and I do miss the cuddles (we had a bassinet in the room but some nights when she just wouldn't settle, that was the best option for us).

Has he been doing this since you've stopped co-sleeping? Have you been bringing him to bed with you every night? If yes, I wonder if he still associates night sleeping with you? It could be sep anx, and for that I found the best thing to do was to  give lots of cuddles during the day and an extra long windown routine.