E.A.S.Y with 4.5 yr old and DH shift worker

[AlanaCYK]

Hi Mommies!

Any suggestions for trying to keep my 3 month old DD on E.A.S.Y when I have a 4.5 yr old that I sometimes need to drop off/pick up to/from daycare because my DH is a shift worker? It's so disrupting to have to wake her up or extend wake time to accomodate my son's daycare schedule. It throws the whole day off and I'm scared we'll never get settled on E.A.S.Y 

TIA!

[jessmum46]

What times do you need to be out and about for the daycare pickup and drop off?  How long does the trip take?  And how often are you doing it?

If it's a fairly regular thing there are several options:
- aim for S on the journey if it's long enough for a complete nap
- aim to start S on the journey and transfer to cot once home
- aim to start S on journey and leave LO in car seat or stroller once you're home until they wake
- wake LO up just as you need to leave and have A time on the journey
- aim for a routine that avoids clashes between sleep and journeys

If it's just occasional then I would just go with the flow for that day, let LO drop off for a sleep if they need it and perhaps go for an early bedtime if naps get a bit messed up.  Life has to go on!

[AlanaCYK]

Thanks for responding!
He needs to be dropped before 9am, picked up by 4:30pm,  the trip takes about 5-10 minutes and the frequency differs every week. My DH's shifts are all over the place. I know we should avoid a "schedule", but it seems like that's the only option that would keep her on a consistent E.A.S.Y.

[jessmum46]

Ok so at three months average A time is around 1h30, increasing up to 2h over the next month or so.  Do you start your day at 7am?

You could aim for something like:

WU/E 7am
A - either drop DS at daycare during this A time aiming to be home for nap at 8.30am, or....
S - set off for daycare just before 8.30am, allow DD to fall asleep on the way and leave in car seat/stroller for that nap

E 10am
A
S 11.30am

E 1pm
A
S 2.30pm

E 4pm
A go to pick up DS from daycare, be home in time for.....
S (catnap) around 5.30pm
A
E before bed
BT 7/7.30pm

Then as A times increase move to:

WU/E 7am
A - drop DS off at daycare, aiming to be home in time for....
S 9am

E 11am
A
S 1pm

E 3pm
A collect DS from daycare aiming to be home for....
S (catnap) between 5 and 6pm
A
E before bed
BT 7/7.30pm

Looking at those I think it probably works best to be working towards doing your daycare runs in A time and being home for sleeps, I think that's totally achievable if your trips are only 5-10mins.  What do you think?

[AlanaCYK]

It would be heavenly if she followed either of those routines, however, her wake up time varies everyday depending on how her night goes. Her day always follows a routine based on how her night went. The wake up times vary from 5am to 9am.

[jessmum46]

You can help establish a wake time by picking a time e.g. 7am and then operating a 'wake up window' - so anything before 6.30am you treat as a NW ie keep LO in the dark/quiet and try to resettle.  If LO sleeps past 7am you either wake them up then or allow say until 7.30am.  Might give you a bit more consistency?

Do you have a consistent bedtime?

I do think though really if you only need to pop out for 5-10 mins at a time and can be a bit flexible with the exact time (from your post it sounds like you can) I would just plan ahead based on rough age-appropriate A time.  So say she wakes at 6.30am, you can guess she is going to be ready for a sleep by around 8am.  So either take DS to daycare before 8am if that's an option, or let LO have 45 mins sleep, wake her and take DS just before 9am.  Then do a slightly shorter next A time for LO (e.g. 1h15 instead of 1h30) and get her down for her next nap which will hopefully be a long one to make up.  If she wakes at 7.30am she won't need a nap until nearer 9am, so take DS just after 8.30am aiming to be home in time for naptime. 

It's all about planning really when there's more than one LO to consider . LO might not follow the plan, but you can only do your best.  EASY isn't about every day being exactly the same, that's unrealistic for most LOs.  It's about understanding what your LO needs in terms of sleep and giving the opportunities for her to have it.  And if she falls asleep on the run to daycare sometimes it's not the end of the world.  Let her sleep - if she has a long nap carry on the day as normal.  If it's short, do a shorter next A time.

[AlanaCYK]

Hi and Season's Greetings! Sorry for the delayed response - DH's schedule was all over the place during the holidays and things have been crazy the last few weeks.
We haven't really made much progress with her routine and it seems to be the nights that mess everything up. Her wake up window has become anywhere from 5:30am to 8:30am and to top it off she's on a 3 hour eating E.A.S.Y with a 4 hour sleeping E.A.S.Y! Here's what her days have been like:

I'll start with bedtime since that seems to be the only thing we've managed to keep fairly consistent.

7:30pm-8:00pm - bottle of breastmilk
8:00pm-8:30pm - asleep
3:00am - wake and bf
7:00am - wake and bf
8:30am - asleep with 3-4 wakings around 9:15am (the 45 minutes nap intruder)
10:00am-10:30am - awake
If I try feeding her at this time she fusses and only takes a few ounces. If I wait until 11:00am she'll take a full 6 ounces.
12:00pm-12:30pm - asleep with 3-4 wakings at the 45 minute mark
2:00pm-2:30pm - awake
Same thing again - she'll only eat at 3:00pm
5:30pm - 30-45 minute catnap
Bedtime routine done by 7:30pm
7:30pm-8:00pm - bottle of breastmilk

Then she has days where her night wakings are 1:30am and 5:30am which skews the whole day into a pattern of eat/sleep/awake/eat/sleep/awake.

I've tried extending A times but even 5 minutes takes her beyond that window where she goes from sleepy to overtired. Sometimes I can extend her naps but only if I go and settle her with the pacifier 5-6 times.

She's 3 months old now and I've been working on E.A.S.Y for 2 months. I've got to be doing something wrong...{sigh}

[jessmum46]

Nope you're doing nothing wrong consistency at 3 months may be possible for a small number of angel babies but honestly I don't think (even with the best intentions) that consistency comes easily for most so early on. LO is only just really coming out of the newborn phase at that point - it's sometimes referred to as the 4th trimester - and there are so many changes developmental and otherwise that I think a consistent EASY is the exception, not the rule.  Just take a look round the boards!!  Many mums do find things a bit easier once on two naps at 6-7 months so even though it feels like it's forever, it won't be

Ok so my suggestion would be if BT is always 8-8.30, you aim for an 8am start to the day.  Which means if LO wakes before 8 (or before 7.30am if you want a little flexibility) you do everything in your power to resettle.  Keep the lights low, interaction to a minimum, just feed if needed and put down again.  At 7.30/8am then put on the light, good morning, time to wake up etc etc to signal the start of the day.  It's not going to work instantly but with consistency LO will learn that 5.30am isn't an ok time to get up.

On days where WU is earlier than ideal or naps are rubbish I'd suggest aiming for an earlier BT to allow LO chance to catch up a bit.  Or if you'd prefer a 7am start, move BT to be asleep by 7/7.30pm.

Is she going to sleep independently yet (don't worry if not, she's still very young)?

She does look like she's actually on a 4h EASY in term of eating from what you've posted, that's fine.  The 3h to 4h transition does usually happen in the 3-4 month window so she's right on track.  Have you read the FAQ info about transitioning?

[AlanaCYK]

She's still sleeping with me in the bed at night but we're planning to start her in her crib at night since she's doing well with naps there. It will be tough I fully anticipate. I've been reading the 3 to 4 transition posts and I think she'll be fairly easy to transition to the 3.5 hour routine. I actually had a question about that...If naps are 1.5 hours, wouldn't A time be 2 hours? That seems like a lot of time to be awake for a 3 month old and I doubt she would make it that far. I recall reading somewhere either in the BW book or in a forum that the A time includes the eating, but that still means a total of two hours awake right?
TIA

[jessmum46]

It may be she doesn't do an exact 3.5h EASY.  I would concentrate on getting the right A time that gives you a good nap of 1.5h plus.  Some babies just don't do 2h naps, DD was fully rested after 1.5h.  So it may be she does 1h40 A, 1h30 nap.  2h I agree is a bit long for most 3 month olds but fine for many 4 month olds.  Instead of focusing on the exact time between feeds, just keep to the pattern of eat, activity, sleep

[AlanaCYK]

Thanks! It's so hard not to get too focused on watching the clock :-)

[jessmum46]

Tell me about it!!

[AlanaCYK]

Great news! My little sweetheart transitioned to her crib at night on the first night! It's now been a week and she has slept in her crib every night! I was amazed at how easily she took to sleeping there at night. Interestingly, she seems to be on an opposite dream feed routine. She eats at 7:30pm and asleep by 8:00pm and sleeps until about 3 or 4am. I feed her and she goes back down until about 7-7:30am. Her dream feed is early in the morning instead of late at night. Do you think it will be difficult to eventually cut out that dream feed with it being opposite?

[jessmum46]

That exactly what I did with my LO.  It's not a dreamfeed really if she's waking for it, just a night feed.  For us I did nothing specifically to cut it out, DD just dropped it on her own when she was ready (about seven months I think).