Shush Pat- is it becoming a prop?

[linny75]

Hi there
I have a 6 week old and have been using shush pat to settle her for her naps. It's working pretty good on terms of settling her in her cot and she falls asleep quite well. She goes to 20mins and I have to use it again to get her to fall back asleep, then again in 20min time. Sometimes all it takes is a hand on her back and front and gentle shushing. I'm worried that it is becoming a prop as she can't seem to self settle herself back to sleep without me doing this. I have left her for a minute or 2 to see if she does self settle but it nearly always turns into a awake cry. Is my shush patting becoming a prop for her or is this quite normal and in time she won't need my intervention. I swaddle her but she's so fidgety still at the 20min marks

Hope someone can help!

[weaver]

I would say a 6 week old is too young to have props.  She's so tiny still, don't worry yourself about that. 

I would be concerned that it sounds like you are hovering over her cot.  Don't wear yourself out!  You need to look after yourself to look after too.  So try stepping back a bit and give her a bit more time to settle herself.  20 minutes is prime time for her to jolt or jump around.  It's the transition from light to deeper sleep.

My LO1 was one of those babies, and there are some, who needed tons of help to learn how to sleep.  Sh-pat on my shoulder, into the cot, and while he settled down, slowing it down more and more as we went.  Initially, I had to stay with him up to and past the 20 minute mark to HTTJ and really get him settled to sleep! I just kept my hands lightly on him and then when he'd learned how to manage a bit better on his own, I would take my hands off and just lay them on lightly if needed.  Sh-pat was not a prop for us, though, it was a sleep training tool.  The key thing is to make sure that, once you've got something that works, you gradually reduce it back until you stop doing it, and baby can do without it. 

You might like to read over this:
Shush-pat - How to

[shannoncorrin]

Im worried about this with my 14 week old too.   I have been doing it since he was born, and he would always fall asleep before I layed him in the crib, which i know is bad.  For the past few weeks I have been trying to do it with him in the crib and it takes a while but he finally nods off.  If I don't do it, he will not fall asleep.  He isnt fussy at all, his eyes just get really big and he stares at the mobile and the ceiling fan.  He takes 30 min naps and then he does the same thing where he just stares at stuff.  I go in when he wakes and I literally have to shhh pat for the remainder of the nap.  as soon as I stop he wakes up.  It is so hard on my back!  It is totally a prop for us.  The link that PP posted looks helpful.  I hope we can transition away from it. 

[linny75]

Sorry it's taken a few days to reply, both my kids have been poorly. Thanks so much for your reply weaver. I do always leave the room once I have settled her in her Moses basket but she starts crying either 10min or 20 mins later. I wait a couple of minutes to see if she will self settle but she rarely does and I have to go back in and do shush pat again. What I am also finding is, after her nap/bedtime routine, I lie her down sleepy but still awake, but she can't seem fall asleep without me shush patting her. Hence why I'm thinking it's becoming a prop for her?

[weaver]

Sorry everyone's been ill. It's that time of year, we're all sniffly here too!

she starts crying either 10min or 20 mins later. I wait a couple of minutes to see if she will self settle but she rarely does and I have to go back in and do shush pat again. What I am also finding is, after her nap/bedtime routine, I lie her down sleepy but still awake, but she can't seem fall asleep without me shush patting her. Hence why I'm thinking it's becoming a prop for her?

To me, waking at 10 or 20 minutes means she wasn't "properly" asleep.  Now, please please don't take that as a criticism, I just mean that she needs a bit more input in getting into a deep sleep. 

As I said in my first reply, with my LO1 I had to stay with him and Hold Through the Jolts, round the 20 minute mark. That way you don't get the waking up and sh-patting him back down, because you intervene (very gently, all I had to do was lay a hand on, maybe a very gentle pat) when he's stirring and help him stay asleep.  When I did that, he was pretty reliably asleep for a good long nap.  Then, once we'd established that, I was able to do Gradual Withdrawal and cut the sh-pat.  So, for us, sh-pat was a teaching tool, not a prop.  And he continues to find patting/hand on his back comforting to this day, at the ripe old age of 3.5! 

Have a look at that sh-pat link, it might help. And maybe this one:
How do I address habitual wakings? (wake-to-sleep and other methods)

[linny75]

Hi there
Oh it doesn't sound critical at all, I appreciate you taking the time to help. Do you shush pat until she is calm and starting to drift off and then stop, stay by her cot, then when she stirs to shush pat again/or slow down the shush patting/lay hand gentle patting? Or do you literally shush pat for the whole 20min?
I have on many occasions stayed with her doing this past the 20 min mark, assuming she has entered deep sleep, so I stop and leave, but many times, she stirs cries again 10 min later. Does this mean it takes her longer than 20min to enter deep sleep?
Today has been a bad day for her. She took a decent 1.5nap this morning (with one intervention from me ), but her 2nd and 3rd naps and catnap were not good. As soon as I stop the shush pat and leave the room she cries and as soon as I shush pat her she stops. She hasn't settled for bedtime til 9, and it's 10pm now and she's not sleeping very peacefully at all, I'm sure she will start crying soon. At 8.30 I ended up feeding her to sleep as she just wasn't settling with shush pat (hope I did the right thing). Before that I was shush patting her quietly for over an hour but she just wasn't falling asleep, although she was calm in her Moses basket, she just wasn't falling asleep. After an hour I left the room to see if she would settle herself but she screamed hence me feeding her to sleep.
It has been about 2 weeks now, so am getting a bit discouraged by the method. She calms and settles with it but she just doesn't stay asleep if I stop :-(

[weaver]

At 8.30 I ended up feeding her to sleep

I think it's always good to have a 'secret weapon' that can help you get LO to sleep when they are really truly stuck! 

Having started sh-pat in my arms til he was calm and drowsy, I would put him in the cot and keep the sh-pat going, slowing it down gently til he nodded off.  Keep it up, still slowing it down til you get to the point of not patting but just keeping the hand on.  I always found I would stop the sh first, for some reason.  So, no, I wouldn't sh-pat for the whole 20 mins but I did keep my hand for the whole 20 mins, if needed, and would stay for a few minutes past him stirring and re-settling to make sure he was down. 

Yes, babies do have different length sleep cycles, so she might have a particular pattern. 

I'm wondering about your EASY though.  She does sound a little OT, maybe.  Here are some samples, and you can post here or on the EASY board, if you want advice on the EASY.
Sample EASY Routines from 0 - 13mths+

[linny75]

Here's her 3 hr EASY, but does vary in times, but i always do the eat, activity, sleep in that order (apart from bedtime). She has an awake time of about 1hr 10min (she is 8 weeks this sunday). I always start her nap and bed routine about 10-15 min before, so i don't miss her sleep window. If she hasn't had a particularly good nap, i reduce her awake time for the next nap, so it's literally feed, nappy change then start nap routine, and let her sleep til the normal feed time (if she stays alseep). I do the 4S with her, with lullaby music while i am sitting holding her. I then put her down when she starts to yawn and arch her back.

7.30 Feed (sometimes 7 wake time, if so, timings change accordingly.)
8.30 Start nap routine
8.45 Sleep
10.30 Feed
11.30 Start nap routine
11.45 Sleep
1.30 Feed
2.30 Start nap routine
2.45 Sleep
4.30 Feed
5.30 Catnap
6.15 Wake
6.30 Bath or top tail
6.45 Feed
7.15 Sleep
10.30 Dream feed (11 if she didn't settle for bed til later)
Night feeds, she wakes naturally anytime between 2 and 3, and then again between 5 and 5.30. She goes back to sleep and i wake her at 7.30 for the day.

Sometimes i have to skip the catnap, and if i do, she goes to bed after 1.15hr awake time from her last nap. Just an update on last night. She was so overtired, having only had one decent first nap....i decided to not give her any awake time after her last nap attempt, so skipped bedtime routine, but did feed her at 8.30, and she finally settled to sleep til 9 (although not peacefully til about 10). I decided to skip dreamfeed, and she didn't wake til 4am for a feed, so she had a long 7 hr stretch. She went back down at 4.30 and i woke her at 7.45. I had to do shush pat for a couple of minutes at around 5, and between 5 and 6 she was grunting (not crying, so i left her...not sure if she was doing that in her sleep or not, but i think she was).

Today, she had her first nap in the buggy, as i had to be somewhere, she had a 2hr nap. She fell asleep on her own with no shush patting for her second nap, but i had to intervene with shush patting at 40min, then again at 10min after that, then again at 20min, and 20 min after that (after which i ended the nap). Her third nap, she fell asleep without any shush pat, and it's now 1.5hr later, and she is still asleep (she cried out at the 40min mark, but put herself back to sleep). So all in all i don't think it has been too bad today!