help, nothing works!!!

[emmsie39]

Hi I was wondering if anyone can help and apoligise in advance if similar has been posted, I just could not find it.  My LO is 5 months old and will only go to sleep if cuddled in my arms and if she stirs or wakes has to be cuddled back to sleep in my arms , this is the same for naps and never goes to sleep on her own unless totally exhausted or in car or buggy. When I do finally get to put her down for naps in the day she only last 10-30 minutes. My LO is now in my bed as hates the cot and stirs and wakes every hour or so (in my bed she can sleep a lot longer, only at night)  I feel so bad as have got myself into this situation and made a rod for my own back and being so tired I just give in.  Also this is my first child.  I have tried swaddling, shh pat, holding hand, hand on back, something with my scent in cot, white noise, talking to,a little cry it out but she gets worse and the other week I tried pick up put down and again she slowly got worse and worse and was crying hysterically and coughing etc and this went on for over an hour till I gave in    as felt so bad , I know it says to keep at it but how long do I do this and then I have to do it again when she wakes for feeds, nap times etc etc, is there anything else that I can try that is not this extreme on her? My partner is a way a lot so im pretty much on my own.  Can anyone help please? I would really really appreciate it if anyone can and other other ideas but pick up put down, if possible?  My LO does not have a routine as such but it goes roughly like this:

9.30am - wakes, feeds, play etc
11.30am - has little feed and goes back to sleep if cuddled as sleeps roughly 10-30minutes once put down
12pm - wakes, plays etc

then after this there is no routine as such as sometimes she fights sleep, other times if we are out she will fall a sleep in buggy or car and can be anything from 10 mins to hour and half, she does have few naps in day if home (all varies) and goes to sleep most nights about 9.30pm.

I put a comfy blanket in her cot so more cosy but still does not work and to be honest no matter where I put her to sleep once in deep sleep if she wakes she always crys and only goes back to sleep if cuddled, no matter where    she did have bad colic when she was little hence the cuddles to sleep I think which she is now used to.  Any help would be really appreciated?

Many thanks,

Emma

[mommybear!]

Hi, My LO is 14 months and having issues with sleep at the moment due to various reasons.  However back around 4/5 months I did have luck with sleeping through the night in the crib and fell asleep on her own for a good portion of her naps.  I believe it was around this time, I stopped singing and shushing.  Kept quiet, pick up put down, and keeping it dark.  The other thing that surprised me was the bedding and clothing made a difference.  She did so much better with softer materials and materials that resisted the cold a little better.  Like flannel vs cotton sheets.  Even what I wore made a difference.  The more cozy the better.  I hope that helps.
I would also say give us your routine so others can take a look.   

[emmsie39]

 Hi thanks so much for your reply, I took your advice and modified my post and added her routine etc, hope that gives more insight?

Thanks,

Emma

[Haribo2012]

Hi hun big hugs sounds like your having a tough time. Have a look at these links see if they can give you any tips. I think your LO needs to learn how to fall asleep and sorry to say this takes some perseverance. I would be trying for a least 1 decent nap in the cot probably first 1 of the day then work from there. I spent a lot of time doing shush pat at this age as it is a funny age for short naps anyway. Ideally you want 2 good 1.5 naps and a cat nap of 30/40 mins working towards dropping to 2 naps shortly.
I would spend a good amount of time cuddling, reading a story before a nap all nice and calm then when LO awake but very sleepy put down and shush pat, if LO gets upset repeat again and again and again.
CIO is not something BW agrees with so please don't leave LO to cry, crying while your there is ok as they are not alone x

Short naps - why does my baby wake after 20 minutes?
Shush-pat - How to

[emmsie39]

Thanks so much for your reply, I did not think to try the cot for her first nap, I will tomorrow  and I am going to read the links you sent.  What do I do if she screams and screams? how long do I give it? and when do I try again?

Thanks again,

Emma xx

[Haribo2012]

She prob will cry because it's a change but keep shushing or using a nice calm voice to reassure, I used to say its ok darling it's just time for a nice sleepy night night it's ok to sleep now! If it doesn't work after say 20 mins take a breather have some cuddles etc and try again.
She will learn it just takes time and a strong back leaning over the crib...I used to put hand on chest and thigh and get my head really close to my DS ear and he used to give in.
What's your nights like?x

[Haribo2012]

Sorry just seen the bit about how your nights are. I think nights will improve if you can sort the independant sleep out then we can sort our your routine if needed x

[emmsie39]

Thanks so much, I will try it tomorrow, really appreciate I. Thank you xxx

[Haribo2012]

No probs let us know how your getting on x

[Florena49]

That is so true about a strong back, we are doing ST now, it really isnt that bad agter the first day, but nights are scary and everything just seems worse in the night.
For the first night im the cot without dummy swaddle and no rocking it took ober an hour for LO to settle, 40 minutes of that was hard crying! It made me feel sad, but he slept solidly for 3.5 hoirs after that, whilst usually he is up pretty much every 2 hours. It does get better and we are only on day 3 today.

[emmsie39]

Thanks for the help  you say your on day 3, do you  repeat the process every time, ie; when he woke after the 3.5 hours? naps time ect etc? is each time the same with him crying lots etc? how old is your lo?

Many thanks

Emma x

[Florena49]

I decided for myself on a plan of action for all eventualities with Annas help in pick me up/ put me down forum, u can read my post its called guidance needed.
But yes u try to be as consistent as u can. So for naps, i would do a quick wind down and pop him in the cot, if he is calm i tell him sweet dreams and walk out of his sight if he is crying i start shushing and patting. Our aim for the first day was to shush pat until asleep, so basically trying to settle him in his cot without getting him out of there.
We also have problems with 40 minute naps so i worked on nap extension with w2s this is still work in progress, so i pat him through transition.
For nights the same process for bedtime as for the nap the difference being that for naps u try to het him to sleep for 45 mins if he hasn't settled u get him up do a nappy change a bit of A time and try again, with bedtime u carry on until he is asleep! With night wakings u will need to decide for yourself how often you are prepared to feed LO, lets say 11 and 3, this is what I aim for. So yes any waking in between u go in and try and settle. I gave in once so far, it was just too exhausting to battle him. In terms of crying gosh no, I would have gone deaf if he cried like that every time.
It was bad for some of the naps and for the first bedtime. One of the nights in terms of wakings was terrible and again over an hour to settle. But as im typing this its 2.30 am and I have just settled LO as its too early too feed , about a minute of crying but he soon realised that tonight will be no different and he will just have to go to sleep because mummy said good night. .
So it does get betterit truly does, but its draining and a lot of hard work. After first day i ha to remind myself that i cant stop now I have just put us both through a very stressful day, it would be unfair to revert back to what i was doing before. Happy to answer any of your questions if u decide to go ahead.
Oh and LO is 17 weeks now, tbh i sort offelt he wasnt ready for all this before, or it might be that i felt he was too little.

[emmsie39]

Hi, thanks so much for your help and advice, I will defo do this and start soon, I need to have a few free days as don't want to start it if im really busy and have to work as more likely to give in.  Thanks again and good luck with your lo, and well done for sticking with it  I really hope I can too , need to mentally prepare my self 

Thanks so much and ill let you know how it goes, im sure I will have lots of questions 

Emma xx