Sleep gone wrong - please help!

[Nicki1985]

Hello,
we need some advise on teaching our baby girl to self settle again.
She is coming up to 10 months and used to be a great sleeper until she was about 5 months old. She used to be able to fall asleep by herself and used to sleep up to 13 hours at night. Then she was ill and in hospital for a couple of days and it all went downhill from then onwards. I was only able to get her to sleep by breastfeeding her for a while and she started waking in the night again and wanted feeding to fall back asleep. She started waking every 2 hours again which was exhausting as we were used to our great little sleeper. We were so tired that we decided to co-sleep as it was easier to soothe her when she woke up. Her sleep slowly improved again and she starts the night off in her cot but then comes in with me during the night when she wakes up and cries. If I don't bring her in with me it takes forever to send her back off to sleep. Although she usually falls asleep straight away in my arms but as soon as I put her down she wakes up. I no longer need to feed her to sleep either but need to hold/rock her now. I guess one bad habit just led to another over the last couple of months, especially when she was ill, or teething etc. But now I'm looking to get us back on track.
At the moment I feed her after her bedtime routine and she no longer falls asleep at the breast and I need to give her a dummy and rock her to sleep. Then I put her down in her cot and she wakes after about 2 hours, have to rock her again, she falls asleep and so on. I would like to be able to put her down and for her to fall asleep by herself but if I put her down without holding her she will just roll over, start crawling and eventually get upset if I don't pick her up. She never stays put if I lie her down and try shhhing or patting.
She has 2 naps during the day but needs to be rocked, pushed in her pram or be in the car to go to sleep. If I put her in her cot once asleep she'll sleep a maximum of half an hour whereas if I hold her for naps she sometimes sleeps 1.5 hours in my arms.
She usually gets up at around 8 in the morning, nap around 11 and nap in the afternoon around 3.
I'm hoping you can give us some advise how we can tackle this as it is exhausting. I do think she is going through separation anxiety at the moment as well though which doesn't help. But if I leave the room during the day she gets upset every time even if she was happily playing until I left.
How can I start telling/teaching her that her cot is for sleeping, not crawling and make her go to sleep by herself? I do not want to let her cry.
Any advise is appreciated.
Thanks, Nicki

[nevinsmama]

Hi there! Could you post a typical day to see if any tweaking needs to happen? As far as teaching, or re-teaching independent sleep at this age, have a look here:How to PU/PD (inc age adaptations)
No one here will encourage you to CIO, however there will be lots of crying as she is learning to settle herself. The difference will be your presence there helping her, not leaving her to it which would of course, teach her nothing. Hope this helps!

[Nicki1985]

We get up around 8, have breakfast, wash and brush teeth and play at home or go out, nap around 10/11, lunch between 12-1, more play or being out, nap around 3/4, dinner at 5, a bit more play, bath, teeth brushing, change into pjs, if she's in a good mood bed time story, breast feed before bed, then bed.

Last night I tried to get her off to sleep without rocking her to sleep. I put her down and for about an hour she just kept pulling herself up or sitting up, playing. After an hour she got upset and I kept lying her back down but she would just roll and sit up again. I kept lying her down, she got more and more upset. I did not pick her up however daddy did when I left the room for a minute. I then went back in and put her back down and she was really tired and upset so I kind of rocked her in her cot and she eventually fell asleep. But will this take over an hour every night now? I found it really hard...

[nevinsmama]

OK. How long is she napping? When is BT? Most LOs at this age have one long nap and one short nap. DId you read the link I left you? Be sure you look at the age-adaptations for PUPD. 10 months you don't really pick up any more try to settle in the crib as much as possible.
This will probably take an hour or so for a while. The more consistent you are the more it will help though. I would encourage you not to start until you are ready to see it through and not give in. You will get there!

[Nicki1985]

Hi there. Thank you for helping me.

If she naps in my arms she can easily sleep 1.5-2 hours however if she naps in her cot half an hour maximum then she wakes and pulls herself up and is crying. Should I try to then put her back down to continue napping? But naptime would go on forever then as it takes so long to settle her.

Yes I read the link you sent me. And I have started this last night. It took an hour to settle her initially and she holds on to my hand throughout the process everytime I put her down. Grabs it for dear life. Is this ok? I then just took it away when she was asleep. She woke twice last nice and it didn't take too long to get her back down. I also heard her making some crying noises twice throughout the nit where she managed to settle herself so I guess that's a great start.

She still uses a dummy for sleeping only and I'm quite happy for her to do so. Is this ok or should I get rid of that at the same time?
Should I do the same Pu/pd routine for naptimes? Because it takes so long should I start an hour before her normal nap times to get her down on time or how can I make this work during the day? She does sleep well in her pushchair, can I still take her out in that for a nap?

[nevinsmama]

If I were you, I would go cold turkey and put her in the crib for all naps and brace for 2 30 minute naps and know that in the end, things will be better. Most LOs at this age are doing closer to 4 hour A time so I would push her A time out as well. Can she replug her dummy? Does she have a lovey? If not, introducing one now could help instead of her hanging on to you. I think it would be fine for you to use pushchair for her 2nd nap ( at this age that is a short one anyway, for most) to give you both a break. As far as sleep in the house, I would put her in the crib. HTH!

[nevinsmama]

How are things going? Hope you are both getting some rest!

[Nicki1985]

A lot better thank you. The only thing I can't seem to get her to quit is holding on to my hand. as soon as try and take it away she gets all wound up again and I have to start over. nothing seems to be able to replace my hand either as i have tried comforters and cuddly teddys but she's not interested. Other than that her sleep definately has improved as she only wakes twice at the moment and naps are 45 minutes to an hour now. The hardest bit for me is sticking to the rules if she wakes up in the middle of the night and doesn't calm right away. I sometimes think it would just be so much easier bringing her in to our bed but I have been good so far and keep telling myself she's doing great and I'll have to stick to it. Not easy though when you're tired.