How to get baby to extend naps without my help

[jdancer]

Hello!
I am having a difficult time getting my 3.5 month old son to stay asleep through his naps.  He currently will sleep for 40 minutes (on the dot), and then need to be held and/or nursed for about 20 minutes before falling asleep for the rest of his nap.  This only happens for the first 40 minutes, and then after that he can go 1-2 hours without needing any help.  He does sleep relatively well at night, usually only getting up once or twice to nurse after that first 40 minute mark.
Now, a little background:
I read the “Baby Whisperer” while pregnant and really loved the concepts/methods in the book.  I tried to start out almost immediately with the different methods, and felt pretty successful overall.  My baby could fall asleep on his own, could be put down in under 10 minutes, and took great naps on a very predictable schedule.  This lasted until he was about 10 weeks old
At that point, we went through a series of rather unfortunate events: overactive letdown/oversupply (which caused feeding difficulties), his first head cold (which actually turned into a stomach virus), moderate reflux, MSPI, 3 month growth spurt, a second head cold, and early teething (where we are right now) all pretty much back to back.  Due to the combination of all of these, he was extremely uncomfortable or just straight out in pain and really started becoming very difficult to put down.  Nighttime sleep was not terribly affected, it was mostly naps.  Also, because of his obvious need to be comforted, I did step away from some of the “rules” of Baby Whisperer and began rocking to sleep, nursing to sleep, allowing him to comfort feed, etc.  I knew it would cause problems down the road, but I couldn’t bear to see him so miserable and not do things to help him.
Here is where we are today:
We do have him on medication for reflux, I have my supply under control, and I have cut out all dairy and soy (I still think there may be another intolerance/allergy, but haven’t figured it out yet).  This has improved his mood and attitude about going to sleep immensely.  However, I still have to rock him to sleep (which, now that he is 17+ pounds is getting extremely difficult), and it does take close to 30 minutes each time.  He’s feeding usually every 2.5 hours, though I know he can go longer.  I have tried giving him a pacifier since he was 4 weeks old to help with the comfort sucking, and he will take it sometimes when he is in the mood, but generally refuses it and will cry if he’s really cranky until I nurse him, even if he’s not really hungry.  I do swaddle him still (we were able to transition him out of it for about 1 week before he got sick; now he won’t settle down unless swaddled again) and we use white noise to put him to sleep, as well as in the background while he’s sleeping.
He’s really not a difficult baby, and I’m actually not concerned about his nighttime sleep (it’s not perfect, but I can live with it).  But the nap situation makes it almost impossible for me to do very much during the day.
To help, here is our current daily schedule (roughly):
7:00 – wake up, nurse, play
8:30 – nap (generally will wake up to nurse sometime during the nap, and then go back to sleep)
11:00 – wake up, nurse, play
1:00 – nap (ditto above)
2:30 – wake up, nurse, play
4:30 – nap
5:30 – wake up, nurse, wind down, bed time routine
7:00 – bed time
The early evening nap is a new thing (as of this week) because of how he consolidated his naps, he was trying to get away with two long ones, but that left almost 3 hours in the evening awake (not good – he was waaay overtired by bedtime), so I’m hoping that the adjustment might help some.  Also, I am in the process of transitioning him out of our bedroom into his nursery, but only for daytime naps.  While he was sick, he slept in his bouncy seat (more upright), so this is also the first week in a while he’s been flat on his back.
Basically, I want his naps to actually last the whole time they’re supposed to without me needing to go in and help him keep sleeping (I need my “Y” of EASY).  If it helps with nighttime waking too, that’s a bonus, but right now he’s only up once or twice, so I’m not too concerned.   Also, I want to accomplish this with minimal to no crying (on either of our parts!) if possible.

Sorry this is so long, but I’d be so grateful for any help anyone can offer.

[TB9]

What medication is he on for reflux?  What dose is he on and how much does he weigh?

Do you think he is waking from hunger?  Will e sttle back to sleep without nursing?  Or do you think nursing in the middle of the nap has become a prop?

[jdancer]

He's on lanzoprazole and weighs 17ish pounds. He takes 1 mL twice a day. I don't think he's waking from hunger since often times it's only been an hour since he last ate and of I do offer the breast he only nurses for like 3 minute tops. I do think it had become a prop, so I'm trying some different comforting techniques to replace it. Today was better, and I didn't have to nurse him back to sleep at all, but he still woke up every 40 minutes on the dot. Sometimes I could settle him back down, other times not, so I did just get him up and tried again later. Unfortunately he's only had about 3 hours with of nap usleep today and I'm worried about him being over tired for bedtime.  I'm also worried he's started snacking, a leftover from when he had a bad cold followed by the reflux diagnosis when the doctor told me to feed him smaller meals more frequently - I'm sue that may play into this as well.

[TB9]

What is the concentration of the Lanzoprazole (mg/mL)?

[jdancer]

3mg/mL

[Shdef]

Where are you when he naps? Have you tried staying with him, having proper ME time and reading a book or something and then comfort on the first stir? That really extends naps for us with no props.

[Bex09]

Agree with Steffi totally. DS always stirs at around 40-50 mins too. If I take too long to get in to him he wakes himself up totally and is a nightmare to resettle. But if I can be there ready and waiting then he will not fully wake up and goes on to have a great nap. I usually set the alarm on my phone to go in around the 35 min mark so I am ready to replug the dummy or pat him etc. That way I am not having to spend the whole nap watching over him. Although sometimes a nice little lie on the bed, read a book, etc is bliss!

[Shdef]

I use a baby carrier to get my housework done when he is awake, Tracy advises to do housework during A-time 

Nap time is RELAXING time, sit or lie down next to baby and do whatever you want. First stir, sh/p (try and pat in a heartbeat rhythm on the bum because in the womb, baby's bum was against the heart, and the sounds in the womb were LOUD to baby, so maybe white noise), replug dummy or whatever.

Nap time is so much more relaxing for you and baby if you are together. I have never managed to resettle Scotty or Joey when he was already crying with eyes open.

[jdancer]

My husband says the reason our son is a terrible napper is that I am too haha...very difficult for me to settle.  Also, my "me" time generally consists in different projects I like to work on, few of which are quiet enough to do in his room.  I do have a video monitor though, and that usually helps me get to him pretty quickly if he stirs.

I tried resettling him today is his crib when he woke in the middle of one of his naps, with gentle pressure on his arms and shushing, and that worked, so yay Unfortunately, it didn't work for his next one, so we'll keep trying tomorrow.  The patting seems to really annoy him, I think because of his reflux, so I tend to stay away from that.

The other problem is he's just outgrown the swaddle blanket (Halo) that I've been using to swaddle him (he's really tall!), so that's making things difficult as well - I've got it half on him now, with his feet out, but I don't think it's as effective as it was originally and it's the largest size the company makes.

I guess I'm just wondering at what point he will be able to take his whole nap without my intervention, and what I can do to help him get to that point.

[TB9]

It seems his reflux is under control with the meds, would you agree?

I think the key to getting him to transition on his own will be no more nursing mid nap to comfort him badk to sleep, and use shh/pat instead.  You will have to be consisent with that, make sure his A times are appropriae for him, and eventually he will learn

I am the same way with my time...it is hard for me to sit and relax, I need to be productive!  I didnt have a video monitor so I would just go in  when LOs cry turned to "I need you" instead of the mantra cry.

[jdancer]

I agree, I think the reflux is under control.  I still think he might have a food intolerance I'm missing since he woke from his nap today (not at the 40 minute mark! at like and hour and a half) with terrible gas - part of me think he would have kept sleeping otherwise.

I really tried to be good at pu/pd and sh/pat the last couple of days, and I'm seeing definite improvement in falling asleep.  I think overtired might have also been part of the problem, since the last several days have been crazy and I've not been good about acting quickly on his tired cues.  I will try to be better at that and see how the next several days go.  Thank you for the tips, I'll let you know how it goes!

[TB9]

Here is a link with signs of food intolerances Does my LO have food intolerances?

The two big signs that dd2 had an intolerance were mucusy poops and reflux, but she also had signs like crunching up her body like she had gas or cramps   Feel free to post on the Colic, Reflux and Crying board if you think he may have an intolerance that is causing the reflux and want some thoughts on the matter Colic, Reflux, & Crying

[jdancer]

Ok, I think it's time for an update...Thank you all for your suggestions, I would appreciate more

Here's where we are so far:

I was able to get him back to eating every 3-3.5 hours (yay)
He is falling asleep on his own, in his crib, for every nap and bedtime (double yay)
His reflux is acting up again, so we have upped his medication per doctor's instructions (boo)
He is still having lower digestive problems (double boo)
He is still waking up after only 40 minute naps.
It takes anywhere from 10-40 minutes to get him to sleep.  My day is beginning to become unmanageable:
     Put baby to sleep (40 minutes)
     Baby sleeps (40 minutes)
     Try to keep baby asleep (40 minutes)
     Give up and wait for sleepy signs, which usually appear in about 10 minutes.  Repeat process.

I don't get it.  He's obviously tired, and surely by the end of the day over tired, but he won't stay asleep and I'm getting frustrated

[TB9]

How long ago were his meds increased?  It can take 2 weeks for a LOs esophagus to heal after starting on meds, or increasing the dose of current meds, so he may still be waking from pain if it hasnt been that long.  I would just manage as best you can until you are sure he isnt in pain anymore.

[danaadell]

If the Halo sleep sack is too short you can swaddle him legs out with. I did that with my LO and it didn't effect sleep--I have a long baby too.  Just put him in it like normal then unzip it from the bottom and pull his legs out.