shush pat weaning - can it become a'prop'?

[Moo moo]

Hi

I have a 4.5 month old son who I get to sleep with shush pat. I try to give him a minute or so to self settle first but then shush pat. He doesn't seem to be able to settle unless I'm patting him.. how will my shush pat teach him to eventually sleep independently?  I'm also worried he may become dependent on shush pat and it may become a prop??

Also sometimes I calm him with shush pat and then step away to try to get him to self settle. If he cries again I move to the cot and shush pat again. Is that okay or should I be constantly next to him giving him physical contact?

I feel like im doing everything wrong. We taught my first son some bad habits and had lots of sleeues so im trying my absolute best to avoid it with my second child. I've tried hard from the start not to create bad habits. My baby used to self settle but then I think he had a four month sleep regression and he's now dependent on me being next to him to fall asleep. any advice or tips would be appreciated as I'm going mad! Thank you. .

[nevinsmama]

Hi there, it can definitely become a prop. However, what you are doing is fine. You can work on doing less and less shh/pat and moving him more on to your voice and presence. Later on you can be moving farther and farther away from him and still being there for him. You can shh/pat until calm and then try to "talk him down" from there if you like. If he is still coming out of the regression then doing what you need to do to get through is, of course, fine. HTH!

[Moo moo]

Thank you for your response. For some reason I've only seen your reply now even though I've been checking desperately for a response every day.   
thank you for your advice and I'll definitely give that a go.

[chelseysmom]

IF it makes you feel any better I am experiencing the exact same thing right now. And I think my LO is experiencing the 4 month sleep regression so its kind of a hard time to wean. I try my best to have her self soothe but its not working. When i walk away she just rolls over and starts to cry out. I start all over and once again it doesnt work. I feel your pain!

[Moo moo]

Oh sorry to hear you're going through it too! I've realised my son is definitely using patting as a prop. I end up patting him to sleep for every nap now!  And he wakes up after 35 minutes every time! Everything has gone so downhill!  I'm also really struggling to wean him!!

[nevinsmama]

Just wanted to remind you all that this whole sleep training thing really does take time. These LOs are learning a skill and it will serve them for a long time, but it won't happen over night. Hang in there and let us know if you need help. The silly short naps WILL get better.

[Moo moo]

Thank you so much for your support. I could really do with some help right now. My son is so dependent on me patting him to sleep and I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing.  :-( as I said I pat him a bit and move away from the cot. I wait just a metre away where he can see me but with my back to him. He obviously cries as soon as I stop patting him. I allow him to cry and when it escalates I go back and pat him then repeat this a few times. After doing this a few times I finally pat him to sleep as I don't want him to get into a state plus he does need to get some sleep.  Since I've been doing this his crying is definitely getting calmer. I know this is not controlled crying (as I'm staying in the room and I'm not timing it, but basing it on the level of his cry). But I still hate doing this to him and hate hearing him cry. It feels too close to controlled crying for me. Do you have any tips on how to do this sleep training or is this the only way??

I would happily pat him to sleep every time but it's just become too much of a prop and as I said before he only naps 35 minuted now and therefore his night sleep is very disturbed because he's not had enough sleep in the day. Really struggling. Appreciate any help. Thank you.

[nevinsmama]

Oh hun, it's tough I know! Big hugs to you! OK, what does his day look like right now? How long is he up for in between naps? When is he eating and going down for the night and so on? Knowing this could help us, hopefully, help you out! Pending knowing this, I would stay with him and keep patting until he is out.

[Moo moo]

Thank you so much for your support. He's started self settling again wooo hoo!!

I continued the technique I described before but I clearly was not comfortable letting him cry. So as soon as he cry went from a mantra cry to a more distressed cry I went back to pat him.  For two days now he's mostly self settled. I'malready sstarting to see slightly longer naps and I'm keeling my fingers tightly crossed that he'll continue to progress.

Thank you again:)