Argh help! Any wind down suggestions for spirited 1yo?

[kateywatey]

My DS has always been very difficult to wind down. The only thing that would consistently chill him out was a breastfeed but even this is hit and miss and in no way guaranteed to do the trick any more. We've tried so many things it would take all night to list them and I'm fed up with it all!

 If he's UT or OT then there doesn't seem to be a window between the two. Even if we manage to get him to the point where he's giving in and looking like he thinks sleep would be a good idea, when we put him in the cot he gradually (or quickly) winds himself up all over again. I feel like we're putting all this effort into making bed/nap time a soothing relaxing experience and we might as well just plonk him in the cot and have the time to ourselves because he acts like we didn't bother anyway! He is capable of going to sleep without props, and actually without anyone in the room, but is totally inconsistent. I can't remember the last quiet peaceful 'easy' bedtime. They've happened so infrequently and randomly it's been impossible to replicate them.

I wouldn't mind if he just took time to go to sleep and chatted or rolled about until he did but he shouts and whines and gets upset (whether were in the room or not), then eventually goes to sleep like he's just given up and/or exhausted himself. It's upsetting and frustrating for everyone. I also wouldn't even mind if I/we needed to stay in the room if it meant that we knew it would work but the whole thing feels totally unpredictable. I'm bored, tired and just want sleep time to be straightforward and vaguely predictable! Will it ever happen???!?!

[ZacsMumme]

Hugs. What is your WD routine for a nap (do you have one or need one?) and his Bt routine.

[kateywatey]

Hiya. For bt he has dinner then play, if weather nice then potter in garden or a walk. Into his room 7pm and shut curtains (he has blackout blind and curtains but room not totally dark). Into PJs. Breastfeed. A couple of books. Say goodnight to Gro clock and toys, into sleeping bag singing twinkle twinkle, lights out. Recently he's been crying as soon as we turn away from Gro clock and head towards cot singing twinkle twinkle.

For naps we do the same, without the PJs or Gro clock! Or if really tired then no book. He goes to a childminder twice a week and she gives him a small-ish bottle of cows milk before his afternoon nap (morning one is catnap in buggy) and she says this really helps to chill him out but I don't want to do this at home as a.rather he had a BF when he can, or, if straight after lunch, no milk feed, b.dont want him to think he needs to be full of cows milk to sleep!!

[becj86]

Books could be too much, they were for my spirited boy til 2.75 or so... Too exciting!

Any developmental things going on at the moment? They can play havoc with a LO's ability to relax into sleep if the brain just won't switch off, in which case you may find talking through his day with him and/or a firm massage helpful.

We did BT BF then into the cot and I'd sing a song or two then go. Short and sweet was often the best way with L so he didn't get a chance to think about the fact he was going to have to go to sleep.

[ZacsMumme]

((Hugs)) I agree with bec, my seconds Bt routine has to be not too long, books, bottle, bed. I him or sing when I give him his bottle to take his mind off it

Do you do bath earlier?

What is his WU Bt and nap/s time?

[kateywatey]

Thanks for the hugs ladies!!

I forgot we also brush teeth after bf and before books which probably doesn't help as it's going out of the room etc, all be it low key, but OH is a dentist so... (It's an ongoing debate!)

He doesn't have a bath every night as prone to eczema, and actually it just gets him all excited anyway (!) but if he has one then it's directly before bt.

OH does think DS is going through a leap thingy but I just feel like we're always excusing the difficult sleep times in one way or another. If it's not a developmental leap then it's SA, teething, busy day, OT, UT, what he had for tea, the weather, the planets... you get the idea! Difficult sleep times are actually the norm and have been for months. He seems to settle a little easier for OH, but generally were all in a messy infuriating rut! Feel like we have no strategy atm as we've tried everything we can think of, but therefore no consistency which is probably making it worse.

In terms of routine, as a general rule he sleeps through til 5 (was 6 for a bit) then comes into our bed for a BF and usually goes back to sleep til 6.30-7, though recently at times he has been politely declining this opportunity (gahh!). Sleep times no worse, no better since he's started doing that.
Were in 2:1 but most days he has 2 naps, a 30min catnap at 10-10.30, then a longer nap around 1.30/2 til 3.30/4.15.
bt begins at 7, lights out by about 7.20.

He definitely does better with a shorter A time before bed, not sure why.
Recently I've been wondering about set nap times...
Or more 1 nap days... but he gets very OT if he has more than 1 or 2 in a row.

[kateywatey]

Hmmm well bt was relatively easy tonight (only 20mins messing about / complaining) and we'd had no books... but I know better than to get too excited!

[ZacsMumme]

Yay for a good bt
I lost my long reply but a few things I wanted to say
Regarding the EW then coming into your bed, I don't know if that's the problem....I mean I know a few mums who do/did this and it never caused huge issues yk? That said, it could be a nice habit, but now he is older he can't get back to sleep in your bed. You could first try tweaking his routine and see if this helps before trying to actively stop the coming into your bed at 5/6 if you prefer.

Looking at your day, I think the cn needs to go. He's probably EW to get in more A time with the cn. So would you be keen to try something like this
Wu 6
Nap 10.30-12.30 (apop back to sleep if you get a short one or go for 5hrs A if you think he can cope ie 11-1)
Bt 6
And hold for a week to push through the OT..... What do you think?

[kateywatey]

Ok well that's reassuring because that's pretty much what our day looks like if he just has the 1 nap. I do  tend to push for 5h A time so the nap is as much in the middle of the day as poss. Saying that I can't remember the last time I didn't encourage him to have 2 naps...maybe a few weeks ago? 1 nap days are usually with the childminder (because he's too excited and busy playing with the others to bother having the catnap). He can definitely go longer in the morning than in the afternoon before he's tired but maybe it's just that actually the morning was in fact too long (despite lack of tired signs) and it all catches up with him a bit a few hours after he wakes from nap?

I think one thing that may be affecting the mornings is the fact that especially this time of year our room is quite a lot lighter than his so better curtains (on the way) may help him drop off to sleep again. I will have to return to working occasional night shifts in about 6 months however so those EW BFs will have to go at some point as I won't always be around at 5 or 6 am!

Maybe you're right and we need to be brave and take the plunge with 1 nap but I think I'm just so frightened of the dreaded OT I'll do anything to avoid it as it makes difficult sleep times even longer and louder! I can just see his little brain in total overdrive... failing and failing to switch off...

Tonight he had exactly the same A time between pm nap and bt as yesterday but took three times as long to give in and settle to sleep. The only thing we did differently was that he had a bath tonight, but until he went into his cot that seemed to have had a calming effect. I find it very difficult to work out what helps to wind him down, and then, once he's in the cot, what to do to help him give in and settle, when he's so inconsistent!!

Thanks so much for all your help.

[ZacsMumme]

I think blackout blinds really do help, we have both boys rooms very dark so in summer there isn't too much light waking them at silly o clock