Author Topic: If he is awake, he is screaming. 10mo (& mommy) in urgent need of intervention.  (Read 1184 times)

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Offline kjr928

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My DS will be 10 mo on Wednesday. For the last month or two, he has become more and more clingy and requires 100% of my attention. If I am not holding him, or giving him all of my attention, he is literally screaming, with tears and everything that go along with it.

He is trying to crawl, but can't really, so he needs help or he gets frustrated and freaks out. He's also trying to stand and cruise along things, but he sucks at it so if I'm not helping him he is just falling down and bashing his cute little head on everything. He hates being in his playpen, and he hates being in his exersaucer. Literally the only things I can do with him are carry him around or sit on the floor and help him do his crawling/cruising. Those are my options, otherwise it's screaming. I am EXHAUSTED from this BS!!!

To make things worse, my 3 yo DD *FREAKS* out if there is too much excessive crying within earshot. She gets so upset that pretty soon I'm listening to a baby crying AND a 3 yo letting out these blood-curdling, horror movie screams. Then I have to shut her up in our den where she can't hear him crying until they both calm down.

My house is turning into a disaster zone, with dishes that don't get done for days, laundry piling up (and getting scattered all over the house), toys EVERYWHERE, and in a desperate need for a vacuum and dusting. I think today is DAY NUMBER 5 for me not showering. Of course, my only down time is when he is asleep, which I then have to use to rest and recharge my batteries. It is a vicious cycle.

Have I expressed to you the gravity of the situation here??? Can someone please tell me how to MAKE THE SCREAMING STOP???


PS - We have been to the doctor recently. Nothing is physically wrong with him to the best of our knowledge except for some *possible* reflux, which he is on Zantac for (it has helped with his sleeping at night).

Offline weaver

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Oh my word, that does sound exhausting!  Couldn't read and not post to support you.

It really is normal for babies not to be able to crawl and to be frustrated about it. And it's normal for them to fall over when trying to cruise about.  It's how they learn.  They do need to be left to work it out for themselves.  I'm sure your DD did it too, and still does it with new tasks.  So what's different this time? 

I wonder do you tend to 'rush in'? It's something Tracy spoke about.  Have you tried speaking encouragingly to him initially, rather than physically intervening?  I suppose I mean, try to stall before you get to having to physically help him.  If you can work on extending the time he spends without your assistance, gradually, it will probably help.  You may well have done all this already.

The other thing is to hold on to the idea that this is a phase - he's learning, one of these days, he will have learned.  And then you'll have a whole different set of things to deal with!

On a practical and immediate level, can you get DH to pitch in with tidying, and freeing you up to have a shower?  If you have a sling, use that to carry him round the house so you can get on with the stuff you need to do. I have cooked many many dinners with a baby strapped to me! 

And, lastly, if all else fails, get out of the house.  It usually works to rescue all of us from disaster moods in this house.
*Anne*, loving mama to a honeybee (2010) and a sweetpea (2012).  BF for 4 proud years.

Offline deb

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Oh, ugh, I have vague hazy memories of some of that - DD1 is hypersensitive to sound and DD2 never EVER slept much!

Random thoughts: Sounds like DS is going thru a phase when he needs you. 10 months is prime separation anxiety time, AND it sounds like he's really needing to practice crawling/tummy time. He will need to work thru his frustration and get to a place where he can manage his body, but he's not there yet. :( Any chance you can park DD in front of the TV for a little while when you need to be with him helping him push off with his feet? The quicker he manages to find the trick, the quicker he'll be done with that part of his development.

As for the screaming, I found earplugs invaluable. Would your DD be open to them, or to noise-cancelling headphones? Seriously, cutting out some of the actual crying/whining noise made my BP go down almost instantly.

Agree that you NEED to take some time to shower; if you can't enlist DH's help, is there other family or perhaps a neighborhood teen/pre-teen who can be a Mother's Helper to you a couple of hours 2-3x/week, just keep the kids busy for a while so you can shower or cook supper or go for a walk with one kid while the other stays home and is entertained? (I also found this to be a great way to road-test and train potential babysitters!)

Offline 1sttimemamma

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I'm pretty close to being in the same boat, so I wanted to say Hi and hugs! Mine is almost 9.5 months and it's been picking up lately where he just fusses at me while I'm doing things in the kitchen etc. He stands up on my legs and then I can't walk and if I gently put him down he wails. It's exhausting. Sorry!

Offline Bababoo

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My DD was the same just before she started to crawl....she is now 14 months and running around all day long!

I think the pre-crawling stage was the most stressful time since she was born - she was waking early (5am) so I was starting the day in what felt like the middle of the night and if I went out of sight at all during the day she would scream her head off....she was really frustrated as she was mentally ready to do things herself but didn't have the physical ability yet to move around herself. She would lose the head if I put her in the playpen because she saw it as restrictive - would pull herself up and shout at me to get out - but it was the only way I could ever get to go to the loo!

Once she started crawling and cruising she was also covered in bruises - but very resilient - if she fell over a little kiss and a cuddle was all she needed to get going again.

I can't offer much in the way of practical advice - I could only shower when she napped (which was an hour tops). Think of the shower as a chance to take a breather and refresh yourself - I hoover when DD is in her highchair - I move the highchair from room to room so I can keep an eye on her but she is out of the way of the cord - for the next few days spend 1/2 hour of his nap time doing a bit of tidying in each room - although it eats into your down time it will help make you feel more on top of things!

Telling you it probably just is a phase isn't going to do much to de-stress you I know but if it is just frustration before walking then you'll have to find some kind of zen place in your head to lessen the sound of the screaming until he gets on his feet - the difference in my DD was amazing once she started crawling and then got on her feet - she was thrilled that she could go get things herself.

It might be a bit of separation anxiety aswell - DD had that aswell at that age - worsened (I think) by her thinking that if I left the room she'd be stuck where she was until I got back. It does still make an appearance every so often now, especially on days when she's tired but because she can bop about herself I can work away in the kitchen and she'll have a little look in every so often, get bored by me and head off again to her playmat!

Offline j.and.e

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Any chance you can afford a cleaner? I made DH pay for one (or clean himself!) Until ds2 was over 1! Xx

Offline Kellyjs

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Just popping by to agree with what everyone said. We had the incessant screaming too. As Bababoo said, it was much worse before the crawling stage. Once that was mastered it did get a lot better. We still have screaming as she doesn't talk yet, so I know it's just utter frustration.

ITA with Anne too.. If all else fails, get out of the house! I know you might not feel like it as there's lots to do at home, but it really does clear the head.

((Hugs)) in the meantime, I hope it gets better soon x

Offline dache

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Would you believe Im in tears right now? I thought its just us, that she is like that because we have spoiled her running to her every cry because she was sick.
We are going trough the same. Our home is a mess. Which is adding to the stress because chaos in the space where I live upsets me. Since she was born I keep saying, soon Ill have the time and going to have the place spotless, but that "soon" never comes.
Dh is trying so hard but I can see that he`s also getting tiered.
She is trying to crawl and walk now. She gets SO frustrated that she cant get to where she wants.
And she is becoming more and more clingy and requires all of my attention. She cries so much she is gasping for air.
She want to be next to me, to sit on my lap (but doesnt want me to touch her ::) ) She is not very interested in toys and is very hard to get distracted.
She just learned to lift her self up and falls a lot. She will only let me hold one hand so sometimes she twirls like a ballerina. A few days ago I had to take her to the doctors because she hit her head on the toy box-there was a little blood, a lot of swelling,and some bruises. I was holding her hand when she hit her self. And this is just one of the examples. It just makes me feel like a crappy mom, like Im not careful enough. 
The only time when she seems happy is when we are outside. But its getting cold, and there was on the news about pollution. (Its not bad here) I love going out, but I cant be out all the time. And even if she is out, after sometime (sometimes even just 5-10 minutes) in the stroller she want to get out. In the car not only is she crying if I dont district her all the time she is trying to get out/slide out of her seat....
Anyways, it felt good to rent about this and to know that we are not the only ones.
Hope things are better for you now. And that things will soon get better for us too.