12 wo crying uncontrollably at wind down

[newkidontheblock]

Hi everyone. I'm new to this forum. I have read both of Tracy's books and have been going through the posts here. They have been so helpful, enabling me to understand and respond to my DD better. I do need some help though. My daughter is 12 wo. She was born 2 weeks early and she was a low birth weight baby. For the first month, all she did was eat and sleep at 2 hour intervals around the clock.Sleep was never an issue, getting her to stay awake was. I think here is where we went wrong accidentally because she would pretty much fall asleep eating every time. It was impossible to wake her up - we have tried tickling her feet, damp washcloth, removing some clothing, everything. She started sleeping through the night (5 hours, then 6, then 7 and now 12/13) at 5w. I may have messed things up here too because I would still wake her up and feed her every 4 hours. I was worried about dehydration and also getting her weight up.

Things changed at the 6w growth spurt/ wonder week. She suddenly stopped napping altogether! No crying or fussiness, just a cheerful baby who would not sleep! After a lot of research, we decided EASY was the way to go and we have been working on it for 2 weeks now. An important point though -- although her naps were crappy, her night sleep was awesome. I realised I was putting her down too late (8.30- 9) and that was the reason for evening fussiness, changed it to 7 and it just clicked. After bath and a massage, I would nurse her, then put her down awake and drowsy and she would put herself to sleep.

We are still fervently trying EASY and at least now she is napping for 30 to 45 mins. I am working on extending it. My main problem is that I no longer have a happy baby at nap time! All I have to do is draw the curtains or swaddle her and she starts screaming and crying so hard! I have NEVER let her cry it out. I keep holding her and talking soothingly but I just don't  understand it. In fact, she is repeating this same behaviour at bed time. It is so hard for me to hear her cry.  Have I lost her trust? How? Does this happen to everyone implementing EASY? In fact today I nursed her to quiet her down but she fell asleep. I tried waking her up by stroking her nose and cheek and saying her name but she isn't waking up.

10 mins later: She has woken up, as she always does nowadays when she tries to sneak in a nurse to sleep  Previously, she would have just soothed herself to sleep but now she will cry and need help. I just don't understand why this is happening

[jessmum46]

Hugs, and welcome.

My LO is a similar age and has just gone through/seems to have gone through a major fussy period.  I'm not sure if you've heard of the wonder weeks (worth a google if not) but they explain why at certain times LOs can be more fussy and harder to settle.  There's a big one around 11/12 weeks.....but that aside, many parents notice their LOs really start to 'wake up' around the 12 week mark and what worked before, often doesn't.  They also get quite prone to overstimulation and overtiredness, and tired signs can be a touch tricky to interpret.

With that in mind, could you post a recent day or two for us with eat, awake and sleep times?  Or keep track for a day or so if you can't remember.  There's a good chance if she is really protesting hard when you start winding down that she's either not yet ready for sleep, or she is overtired.  At two months an average A time is about 1h15-20, and at the months up to about 1h30.  May just be worth bearing those in mind as you try to settle her

[deb]

My DD1 did this - turned out she had major reflux and being horizontal HURT her, so even going TO her room wound her up.

Once we got the reflux treated, I also was able to break up the cycle a bit by keeping her in her room for the first A time, just played with her there, and put her down when she got sleepy. Didn't open the curtains, didn't do any of the things we'd have to UN-do for sleep time. Might be worth a try.

[newkidontheblock]

Thank you for replying. It's so lovely to be able to talk this out with people who have/ are going through the same thing and can give me informed advice. Okay, we were on a 3hr EASY starting at 8 (she would sometimes wake up 15 mins before and lie quietly). After posting here, I had a good long look at our routines logs (been keeping them since she was born) and I came to a few realisations. I completely think that you are right about the A times. She seems to be able to do an hour, maybe 15 mins more sometimes. An hour and a half is just too much for her. I didn't realise this before because she is always so cheerful. It's hard to know when something is wrong with a smiling baby Okay, so I tweaked a bit and it is kind of working. On day 1, we got 2 hr nap1. Yesterday got the first two naps - 2hrs each. Here's the EASY routine we're trying now
A- WU + top & tail (if i sponge her later, she gets super stimulated and she needs the face sponge because she's drooling like crazy and her face is crusty in the morning)
E- 7.15
A- something very short like a song /walking around the house & talking
S- 8

E- 10 (we have been waking her up)
A-
S- 11 -11.15

E- 1
A-
S- 2.15

E-4
A-
S- doesn't happen. can't get her to sleep after this. The afternoon nap just isn't working out. I get 30 mins or 45 mins. I have tried pat/shush, feeding her a bit and trying again. I have tried 4, 4.30, 5 and 5.30 but i can't get more than 15 min naps. At 5.45, we start with bath followed by a massage. Then I feed her again and put her to sleep by 7. Thankfully, she's back to sleeping on time. We had two days when she just wouldn't go down. I haven't written what we do at activities because I feel for the most part they were too stimulating and now I am simply singing/talking to her and changing her. As you can see, after the afternoon schedule, its all a bit messy. I would really appreciate any guidance.

I have one more question. I don't know if this is the right place -- What's to be done when she wakes up early from her nap and won't go back to sleep. Tracy says pat/shush but sometimes that doesn't work and she won't even fall asleep in our arms. Since A is the time from eyes open to eyes closed, do we need to shift things up? This happened today and we are very confused!

[jessmum46]

The routine looks great!  Naps after 4pm are a mess here too so I just 'APOP' in the sling (accidentally parent on purpose) a quick catnap to get us through to bedtime.  That's a good tactic for the last nap of the day in general - it's usually the hardest to settle and eventually you'll drop it anyway, so as long as other naps are in the crib then it doesn't seem to matter.  Also quite handy to have another place your LO will sleep - my DD after four months would sleep nowhere but her crib which was kind of restricting!!

If she wakes early from a nap and won't resettle, then just get her up and have a bit of A time before her next feed, and time A time from the time she woke.  After a short nap your A time may need to be a bit shorter than usual so you may need to feed slightly early to avoid a clash.  That's ok, and inevitable!  I hate resettling naps and was never very successful with DD when she was younger.  I think it's probably as well to give yourself 15 mins or so to see if LO is going to resettle, but if you're nowhere near when 15 mins is up, just give up and get on with the day.  Life is too short to be pat-shhhing in a dark room all day long!

[newkidontheblock]

I read your reply at the right time. It was exactly what I needed to hear right now. *hugs* Today has been so messy. Got her down for her morning nap and the dogs went crazy barking, and she was up and ready to play. Pat/ shushed her through that one but still it messed up the cycle and I only got 30 mins in nap 2. SIGH. I know how important naps are but after pst/shushing for an hour, I just feel like giving into this napless state of affairs. It is so difficult to pat shush this little monkey when she keeps cooing and laughing at me and moving her head from side to side to peer out from where my hand is. I wish the world would just shush and let my little baby sleep

[jessmum46]

If she's happy I would actually just leave her to it instead of doing pat-shh - she may just surprise you one day and doze off on her own