Concerned almost 10 week old is and will remain dependent on APOP? What to do?

[Joy-filled]

We've done loads of APOP as DD was struggling with what appeared to be reflux but was a "missed" lip/tongue tie resulting in a poor latch, resulting in swallowing air, resulting in pain and "silent reflux" type symptoms.  She had a procedure done last week to release the ties and there's been a notable improvement. Out of necessity I either wore her in the sling for naps (75%-90% of the time), or would rock her to sleep and wait until she was asleep for 20 min before putting her in the crib.  She's a classic 45 min napper but in the sling will sometimes nap 1-2hours.  Rocking her to sleep sometimes drives me crazy because it will take her 15-45 minutes to finally settle and sleep and then another 20 min of sleep before I can put her down.  If I try to put her down drowsy or asleep for less than 20 min she wakes up and will not settle in the crib so we have to start the process all over again.  If I put her in the sling she falls asleep with no fuss in 5-10 min so I will admit some days 100% of her naps are in the sling either out of no desire to fight to get her in the crib and even try rocking or I've attempted to put in crib and failed and she is so ridiculously OT I give up and put her in the sling.

Anyway, I'm struggling with what to do and feeling quite burned out with baby sleep (DS was a very poor sleeper for the first year and a half).  Should I just give up on the crib and wear her in the sling for all naps since I know she'll fall asleep quickly and fall asleep longer?  Should I try to rock and put in the crib drowsy even though this fails 100% of the time and just ends up in OTness?  Should I rock and put in crib after she's been asleep for 20 min even though this process will often take 30 min to 1 hour, something I am not a fan of and sometimes leads me to feel quite frustrated as I do have to take care of my 2.5 year old son and the housework?

[kyleian]

I just wanted to leave some encouragement! DD is 16 weeks and had reflux (under control with me being dairy free, probiotics, and a homeopathic remedy) and was sleeping on our chests at night and on me for all naps. At 14 weeks we finally decided it needed to stop and did shush-pat for 3 nights - she sleeps on her own at night now. Naps are still very much a work in progress but we are getting there, too.

I know this isn't the case for everyone, but she just seemed ready to sleep on her own - she wasn't sleeping well on me any more. But we also found that shush-pat just didn't work during the day, and so we let her suck the pacifier or a finger until she gets drowsy, then pull it out - she usually wakes up and it takes a number of times before she is tired enough to drift off without it, but shush-pat was just making her scream.
I do wear her for naps here and there, out of necessity when we're out or I go for walks since that's what works best for us right now and we've chosen that over the crib for sometimes. If you're only concerned about the sling because you "should be" and not because you don't want to be doing it that way, then I wouldn't worry about it! It took us a long time to be ready to try to get her down for naps on her own, and even then it was frustrating for a while until we figured out what she needed in order to settle in the crib.

[jessmum46]

I totally agree ^^^^ there's no 'should' about it when it comes to how you do things.  Whatever works for you and your family right now is the right thing.  Independent sleep can come when you are both ready . I have to say for both of mine 3-4 months has been a bit of a turning point for being able to get them down in the crib, but certainly prior to 11/12 weeks DS slept almost all naps in the sling and DD in the pram/bouncy chair/car. 

When it did come to putting DS down in the crib I just went for one nap a day to begin with.  Tried for 15-20 mins (I didn't really feel I could leave toddler watching TV any longer!) then gave up and put him in the sling to avoid too much OT.  I also didn't stay with him while he was settling or attempt to soothe/shh pat unless he really needed help, I just let him roll about, fuss etc as long as he wasn't upset.  If he needed me I stroked his head or rested a hand on him until calm then tried to leave again.  Sitting in a dark room for ages just isn't practical with other LOs, at least that's my feeling.  If it wasn't happening we just gave up and tried again later or the next day.  It suddenly seemed to click for him and very quickly all naps except CN were in bed

So there is hope! 

[Joy-filled]

Thanks for the encouragement  .  I don't mind wearing her except it does tire my back by mid-afternoon, but yesterday we went for a walk and she did sleep 30 min in the stroller so I think we'll start to do that from time to time to give me a break.  It also helps to have a bit of an "end goal" of 3-4 months and then we'll have more of a concerted effort.  I also like the idea to just try for 1 nap/day in the crib and if it doesn't work just let it go and put her in the sling.  She's actually amazing at night, which is quite a blessing. Sometimes she won't settle after the feed so DH will taker her on the couch and she'll sleep but otherwise no complains.  She only wakes 2-3 times to feed and doesn't have any NWs! She does continue to cluster feed in the evening and it will take a good 2-2.5 hours for her to finally go down for the night but that seems to slowly be getting better.

Again, thanks for the input!

[-Maya-]

Hugs Char, you are really blessed if she sleeps at night! You already had response form more experienced mom than me, but let me share my experience anyway.

DS is still a very bad napper. I used the technique of putting DS to sleep in the crib only for first or second nap of the day. He was less likely to be OT at that time (and this should be better for you because your little miss sleeps well during night) and I was more committed. Moreover for us napping after 5pm never happens in the crib.
DS started to do an independent sleep suddendly when he was just over 3mo. It seemd that something clicked in his mind.
Before that I did shush pat (more shush than pat actually) or I just kept a hand contact with him. I looked him into the eyes and I closed mine to show him what he had to do. I know that this sounds stupid, but it gave me the idea that I was doing something!

[Joy-filled]

I do know we are blessed with her nights, it's true.  DS was awful at sleep day/night so I'm grateful DD is at least far surpassing him at night sleep.

Thanks for the input too Maya....any experience is helpful to draw and share from so thank you!  It sounds like 3-4 months is a key time and until then let the LO continue to adjust to this strange new world and we'll figure out IS down the road  .  2 failed attempted at sleep in the crib today, but now I don't feel so guilty or as though I'm ruining my little girl's chances of learning to SS and sleep independently if I just can't get her to nap in the crib right now!  That time will come when it sounds like it's more realistic!  In the meantime I'll still try once or twice a day but relax if it doesn't succeed.  Thanks!