Author Topic: I honestly don't know where to start.....  (Read 718 times)

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Offline rachaelcole

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I honestly don't know where to start.....
« on: July 09, 2015, 07:23:14 am »
I'm at breaking point.

Quick history - DD is 19months & we BW'd from day 1. She was a textbook baby & is a textbook/spirited toddler. BWing was implemented easily from the beginning- she was FF & took a dummy.

DS arrived 10 days ago & has been perpetually angry at the world ever since. I'm trying to BF (although teetering on the edge of quitting!) & there are just so many things that I can't make sense of.

He is using me as a human dummy - if he is awake he is crying & the only way I can settle him is by putting him to the boob-I know he isn't feeding as there's no swallow. I can't get him to accept a dummy (any tips are hugely appreciated) & he is too young to be able to coordinate finding his fingers.

He does seem windy but I'm going to a BF clinic today to get latch checked etc.

He barely sleeps (at all!) & so we are stuck in a cycle of hungry, tired, needing to self soothe.

I've BW'd for a year & a half so I thought I'd be a step ahead on this one but I'm totally out of my depth. We are creating props left, right & centre just as a means to calm him down.

I feel like I need to press reset & start again!

Offline becj86

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Re: I honestly don't know where to start.....
« Reply #1 on: July 10, 2015, 08:10:18 am »
Hugs, lovely, these first weeks can be difficult.

Sounds like he's got some pain. What's your supply like? When he is actively feeding, how long does it take, how's his behaviour? The wind can be quite painful and if there's a bit too much milk for what he can cope with, he'll be wanting to suck constantly to help move his guts along and pass the wind (gaining a bit more gas in the process).

The first 3 months is known as the fourth trimester as I'm sure you've heard - really you can't spoil a baby at this point and if its going to save your sanity and help you keep on keeping DD entertained, pop him in a carrier/sling/wrap and let him nap that way if he will. Props are not the end of the world, they're really not. Sleep training is best done before 6 months, granted, by that's plenty of time away and if he's screaming that much, there's something more at issue than props.

Try some different dummy styles. DS took to a dummy and was happy with that but he was fed by syringe and finger in special care and took a dummy at 4 days old.

Perhaps get checked for tongue/lip tie too - maybe he's not transferring milk and is hungry all the time?

Offline weaver

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Re: I honestly don't know where to start.....
« Reply #2 on: July 10, 2015, 12:10:29 pm »
Sorry to hear you're still struggling.  It definitely sounds like there is something 'else' going on.  Is he gaining weight? Is he spitting up? There is certainly something amiss.

But as I said in the previous thread, and as Bec says, you cannot spoil a baby or create props now.  Do what you need to, particularly with a toddler in the mix.

What sort of birth did he have hun?  I ask because my LO1 had a long long labour and ended up with a lot of tension in his jaw and head which made it difficult for him to feed.  My MW was a genius and spotted it.  We had some cranio-sacral osteopathy when he was 4 days old, and he was like a different baby.  I know cranio-sacral is not for everyone, but what I'm trying to say is that there might be something like that.
*Anne*, loving mama to a honeybee (2010) and a sweetpea (2012).  BF for 4 proud years.


Offline ~*Nicole*~

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Re: I honestly don't know where to start.....
« Reply #3 on: July 10, 2015, 13:48:37 pm »
I agree with pps that there is no need to worry about props and spoiling at this age. If your LO needs to nurse to settle at the moment, then that's what needs to happen for right now. You can work on teaching him how to sleep later as there is plenty of time. My DS didn't take a pacifier and had reflux so was a screaming, unsettled baby pretty early on. He wanted to nurse to settle but then would either take too much and spit up or his reflux would kick in anyway. We had to learn how to rock and shhh him to sleep which often took ages until we sorted out his reflux and milk protein intolerance. I did eventually get him to take a pacifier but he was closer to 3 or 4 months old at the time and that quickly became a pain because he would drop the paci and then wake up crying and I ditched it shortly after to avoid sleep problems.

That said, my two week old DD now doesn't know how to settle herself to sleep and I am not expecting her to be able to. She often wants to nurse to sleep and will sometimes just suckle and use me as a pacifier. She doesn't really burp so then ends up with an air bubble that causes pain or spit up after lying her down and then she is awake again and we start all over with her wanting to nurse, then not burping, then the cycle repeats. I have found if she is overtired it is really hard to settle her to sleep.

Once your LO is asleep, how long will he sleep for? I am wondering about overtiredness or gas or reflux or something causing him some trouble and leading to him not sleeping well and perpetuating the cycle of wanting to suckle to soothe. Any foods that you are eating that could be causing gas? If your DD was textbook with no eating troubles it may not be something you had to think about before.

If you can figure out what is going that might help to see there is light at the end of the tunnel.







Offline weaver

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Re: I honestly don't know where to start.....
« Reply #4 on: July 10, 2015, 13:55:24 pm »
And do you have a wrap/sling?  (As Bec asks.) Can be the key to newborn naps.
*Anne*, loving mama to a honeybee (2010) and a sweetpea (2012).  BF for 4 proud years.


Offline rachaelcole

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Re: I honestly don't know where to start.....
« Reply #5 on: July 15, 2015, 20:01:52 pm »
Thank you for your replies - I'm sorry its taken so long for me to post how we are getting on...its been a rough few days!

We have some progress (if thats what you can call it) but we finally saw an infant feeding specialist who thinks that the little man has a posterior tongue tie. We have an appointment with a consultant tomorrow who will (hopefully) confirm this and perform the 'snip' there and then.

On her recommendation we have been supplementing with either expressed breast milk or formula. She has said that he wont be physically able to feed efficiently and so will tire before he can fill up, and will become very tired from having to work so hard to get milk - hence the 15-20 feeds per 24 hrs.  BF is still his main feeding method but we are topping up a few times per day.  Since we've been doing this he seems to go 2.5-3 hrs between feeds which is a huge improvement!

I dont expect him to be able to settle himself at this age (DD certainly didnt), but I literally cannot put him down. If he is awake he is either feeding or screaming - again not something that is entirely unexpected at this age but i dont know how to deal with him and DD at the same time.  The wrap is a godsend during the day & he sleeps in it which is good.

I'm not giving DD the attention she needs which is breaking my heart :-(  DH is still on pat leave, but goes back to work in 10 days. I am yet to work out how to give DD her bath and put her to bed without being able to set DS down (swing/chair etc doesnt work either!) and i'm terrified! I hate hearing them cry and i am so against letting children cry, but i see that this is going to happen a lot :-(

My plan at the moment is to *try* and be positive that we may have found the cause of the feeding issues (which may also be causing the wind), to wait and see if the snip is successful in alleviating those problems and go from there.

i did mention that i was concerned about reflux to the midwife but she dismissed it - i guess i can revisit that once we know the outcome of tomorrow.


Offline becj86

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Re: I honestly don't know where to start.....
« Reply #6 on: July 15, 2015, 22:42:22 pm »
TBH, if I'd posted about DS before we sorted his feeding issues, I'd have been told its likely reflux. What symptoms are you seeing that lead you to suspect reflux?

FX for you that this tongue tie snip happens and it helps. If this is the issue, you could well be able to put him down in 10 days time.

Hugs xx

Offline rachaelcole

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Re: I honestly don't know where to start.....
« Reply #7 on: July 16, 2015, 05:50:02 am »
With the reflux, I would think its silent reflux. Not much sick, but very squirmy during feeds & cries out and that he hates to lay flat.

As I say it could all be related to the TT so hope today's appointment helps!