Advice desperately needed; please help!

[siobhan1995]

Hi everyone, I'm new to the forum, to motherhood and to EASY! I am the mummy to a gorgeous five week old baby boy, who although I love to pieces, is somewhat confusing me. I'm getting more stressed  as each day goes by as I feel like I'm reading his cues incorrectly and this id affecting his sleep and his feeding, both of which are very erratic with absolutely no pattern whatsoever. I was hoping someone, anyone, would be able to share some pearls of wisdom with me to help me with my LO!

I've identified LO as a mix between sensitive and spirited; he seems generally unsettled a lot of the time and becomes somewhat aggressive when I do something to him that he doesn't like or want such as winding when he's not full up or swaddling, my monkey definitely has my temper coming, people have started to point this out!

I've been trying to implement the 3 hour EASY for about a week now. I'm fully aware that any Routine will take time and I don't expect anything ambitious like sleeping through the night, just for him to actually take naps and feed a bit more normally!

Firstly, I'll post a sample of what my day usually pans out like

7-8am wake (woken up by me usually) and feed
7.30-7.45am change, quick wash and get dressed
8.00am attempt to put back to sleep
9.20-10.00 sleep (if I'm lucky!)
10.00 feed
10.30-10.45 change, cuddle, look at toy
11.00 attempt to put back to sleep
11.30-12.30 may or may not fall asleep in this time
12.30-1.00 either asleep (rarely) or he has his next feed
1.00 feed - usually falls asleep during the feed
1.20-1.30 quick change
1.30 bed
1.30-4.00 on and off sleep, sometimes sleeps straight through, sometimes doesn't
3.30-4.00 - feed dependant on wake time
4.30-4.45 - change, cuddles
4.45 attempt to put down for catnap
5.00-5.45 sleep (very very rarely, usually just me trying to get him to sleep for this time)
5.45 bath
6.00 feed
6.25 change
6.30-6.45 story and bed
6.45-8.00 deep sleep
8.00 attempt to wake
8.05 quick change, will feed if wakes up, if not straight back to bed
10.00 will either wake and feed or dream feed, dependant on whether he woke for a second cluster feed or not
10.30-11.30 back to bed (dependant if woken or not)
2.30-3.30 wake for night feed
4.00-5.30 fight sleep, screaming
5.00-5.30 usually falls asleep around this point
And that is a general view of my day, except today which has been even worse than normal and I'm calling today a complete write off 😑

I have two main problems which I am stressed about; his resistance to sleep and his feeding. I'll start with feeding.

His feeding has been a constant worry for me. In the early early days when I was trying to breast feed, he would take an hour to wake up and I would spend 45 minutes trying to get him to latch on to me, to which he would either fall asleep or scream because he just couldn't get it and I would end up hand expressing, but he was only getting 2-3ml maximum. I was doing this every two hours, it was exhausting and I didn't sleep in the hospital the whole time I was there and spent a lot of time in tears. Once we came home, I switched him to formula as he had worsening jaundice and low blood sugars so had to break him out of this cycle. Then it was fine. But now, he's taking what I would of thought would be too much formula - he can take 7-8oz at a time now, sometimes in one go and sometimes in 2 sittings in a 3 hour cycle. I try to use his dummy to relax him but this only works for a limited amount of time before he gets frustrated again. However there are times, like today where he's only taking 1-3oz, dozing off then waking up in half an hour hungry again? I'm sure I'm reading his cues right (sucking fingers, clicking tongue, looking around) but there are times that even after 8oz he still isn't full, but come his next feed he'll only want 2oz. I'm not really sure if it's normal and more often than not it messes up the routine 😖

Secondly is sleep. He seems to HATE it. No matter how little or long I keep him up, it doesn't make a difference. Every morning I fight to get him to sleep, and by the afternoon he is very drowsy and hard to wake for feeds, but once woken properly, the cycle starts again and he's back to fighting sleep. Catnaps are out of the question as he just takes the time it takes to have a cat nap to settle! I've been using the different techniques to help sleep to no avail - shh pat, white noise, rubbing across his eyebrows and between his eyes, swaddling, tickling his back (something me and all my siblings used to help us get to sleep when we were younger) with limited success. I try to put him to bed about 45 minutes, 1 hour max after getting up to try and settle for a nap but it just doesn't seem to help, even if he's rubbing his face which is an early sign for him, he still fights it. Sometimes I will get him down for a nap after an hour/hour and a half, but he then wakes himself up within 5 minutes either grunting or spitting his dummy or kicking his legs in his swaddle, and this is usually with me still aiding him to sleep, although it doesn't make a difference if I leave him alone either. He does sometimes fall asleep on me but wakes straight back up once put down, even after being held for 20 minutes or so. Next thing I know it's the next feed and it starts all over again. The same happens after his night time feed as well and there is little stimulation there, I literally feed, change, bed with very little talking.

I really really need some advice, I feel like I'm doing something wrong and it's really getting me down. I'm sorry it's so long but I need some help so thought it best to fully explain the situation. Please please please can someone give me some advice so I can feel less like a failure 😥 thanks xxxxxx

[Buntybear]

Hello and welcome to the forum. Congratulations on the birth of your new baby boy!

I am sure there will be other mummies long soon to give advice but I just wanted to send you over some hugs and reassurance. Your little boy is so very young that he at that stage although it seems hard it is really learning about him and his cues. Some babies are easy to read and fall into routines quickly - some take a bit longer.

Hang on in there and try and enjoy him whilst he is little, they really do grow so very quickly xx

[Martini~]

Hello Honey! It so much reminds me about me & my LO in first days! These sleepy babies which you firstly cannot wake for feed and than cannot settle to sleep are let's say difficult:).

Let's try to answer your question. This short morning naps and unsettled evenings are nothing uncommon. When on 4 naps a day, many babies are not capable of doing 3 long naps and a catnap. Mine consistently from 3weeks on was having 45min as a first nap and was fighting the catnap like hell usually screaming for 2h between 5pm and 7pm... So don't worry, it's normal:). I have to say that those hard mornings and evenings was making motherhood rather difficult for me so you may feel a bit overwhelmed, and that's also 100% normal.

What you can do to help:
- definitely swaddle if he is spirited; if he is unswaddling maybe think of miracle blanket or woombie which are much more difficult to fight with; I used miracle blanket from 9 weeks and until 17 weeks it was our saviour
- used white noise machine or any other thing, if you can during a whole nap
- try no to be very strict about EAS routine - so if we wakes earlier from a nap but don't scream for a feed - feel free to wait (so EASAE routine); in the evenings when he is unsettled it's a great moment to make another cluster feed so feed him let's say at 4pm, 5:30 and 7pm. Or 6 and 7pm. Instead of waking him for a cluster feed after bedtime; Tracy advices to stop cluster feeding at 6-8weeks but many mother will do it, but just squeeze another feed after a catnap but before BT
- try to work on A times - so be aware how long is he awake instead of strict EA routine, but having in mind that after a short nap he may need a shorter A, after a long one he may need more - but it depends; at 5 weeks you may follow 1 or 2 month A times - I was doing around 1:10-1:15 each A that time if I am correct to have a decent nap; have you seen that link?
What are A times and how do they fit into the EASY plan?
- at night what worked for me was nappy change before a feed; after the feed he was so relaxed and nappy change would wake an wind him up; you may also change nappy during a feed so first pee or poo is in the nappy but another feed will calm him down
- for evening catnap do whatever APOP you can (swing, stroller, fed to sleep etc); this catnap is extremely difficult for many babies as they are tired after the whole day and it's worth making anything to help them sleep; as this nap is usually the one which will be skipped later, it's totally fine to APOP it if other nap are made in a crib

Hope that helps!

[Haribo2012]

Hugs honey those early weeks are so tough, you feel like your second guessing everything and always anxious as to if your guesses are right. It does honestly get better but 5 weeks is still very tiny so don't get too worried about things if you can help it 

The feeds at 8oz do seem very high for his age, im pretty sure my DS didn't take that much until much older. Have you had him checked for discomfort with the docs incase the clicking and sucking is discomfort? Sometimes the snacking and sucking can be a sign of reflux.

Be kind to yourself sweetie it's early days and pp has given you some great sleep ideas...it will come right it just takes a little time xx

[siobhan1995]

Hiya, thank you both for your replies! 😊 feel much better reading someone else has been through something similar, I never anticipated having a baby who would hate sleep but be a nightmare to wake up at the same time... Didn't realise such children existed, how naive.
Me and OH have bought him two swaddle me things, which we've had some success with, however if LO is really wound up he kicks his legs in the air to show how much he dislikes what I've done and usually manages to get his arms out, he's like Houdini!! We're perservering with it though as it seems to help keep him asleep a bit better. We also have a white noise app on the iPad which is on the loop for him, I find it quite relaxing myself 😊

I'm trying to implement a routine as he doesn't do things at all textbook, like for example they say most babies will wake themselves every 2-3 hours for feeds as they only have little tummies. My LO however seems to want to do things in one go - he seems to prefer to sleep for hours on end and then be awake and feed for hours on end, which is obviously not healthy for a 5 week old to not sleep for hours and hours. I suppose it's just going to take perserverance with it; he never goes without and is gaining plenty of weight, just want him to sleep a bit better for his sake.

Just two more questions, is it normal that he doesn't usually wake himself for feeds? He only tends to wake himself in the night, sometimes in the morning and rarely during the day - during the day He usually is either already awake or in a deep sleep and is difficult to wake. I'm very worried to just leave him to wake on his own terms as he'll go for hours once he actually is asleep and I know babies this young should be feeding regularly during the day at least...
And lastly, is it normal for his feeds to vary so widely? For example, yesterday he took 7oz in the morning, then 2oz at his next feed, then 4oz, then 4oz again, then cluster fed in the evening and took a total of about 8/9oz in 2 hours in the evening (no sleep in the middle), then took about 2.5oz at his dream feed and then 6oz in the night.
Today however has been a different story, there has been no routine as he's been extra clingy and only wanted to cuddle either me or my mum! He took 4oz when he woke up, then another 4oz at his next  feed and has been grazing Between 11-2.30. I haven't really been able to keep up with exactly what he's taken as he's been taking 1-3oz at a time. Since he finally fell asleep at about half 2, I've woken him at 430 and 700 for feeds and he's only taken 3oz then 2oz. Could it just be the end of a growth spurt? I'm watching for signs of illness and has been fine in himself all day other than wanting cuddles, but he doesn't seem to be running a temp etc. will keep an eye on his feeding though tomorrow.

Thanks so much for your help, I really appreciate it and feel much better for reading it xxxxx

[Haribo2012]

Do you think he could have a bit of day/night confusion still? Some LO get their body clocks in a mix for a while.

Personally I'd wake at 3 hours in the day and feed and try and keep awake for a bit, plenty of daylight and fresh air and see if that helps a bit. Normally feeds are a bit more consistent but if its a growth spurt then they are usually draining bottles. Have you read the about the wonder weeks? I found it very helpful when I couldnt make sense of things and its a great insight into babies development and how it can upset the apple cart.

Here is a link and you can get an app for your phone to show where on the chart they are  http://www.thewonderweeks.com/the-mental-leaps-and-wonder-weeks/
xx

[siobhan1995]

I think if I left him he'd probably sleep all day, so will carry on waking him up every 3 hours or so. I think I was having a really bad day yesterday as this morning, following some of the advice he's been much happier!
I am going to talk to the HV when I see her tomorrow about his feeding though, I've noticed he only stops himself drinking if he's falling asleep and can't be bothered, but when he's not tired he seems to want infinite amounts... I tested it to see how much he's carry on drinking and the highest I got to was 8oz but I felt uncomfortable giving him that much and he was still sucking his fingers and clicking away at me! Have been limiting his feed to 4-5oz now, and although he'd happily keep drinking and doesn't give me any signal he's full, he doesn't scream for it either, so it's not like I'm starving him. And he's still giving me wet and dirty nappies and gaining plenty of weight.
I'm thinking you might be right about reflux, sometimes he doesn't sick anything up and sometimes he keeps being sick, even once he's asleep. I've also noticed that he sometimes gags like he's going to puke but then doesn't, bless his heart!

Thanks for all your help girls, I'm feeling much more positive xx

[Haribo2012]

Good idea to speak to your HV it will give you some IRL reassurance.

It sounds a bit like hes feeding to sleep for comfort too, he may of course just be a hungry baby and all is fine 

Make an appointment with the GP and discuss the reflux, they will put your mind at rest xx

[Martini~]

I would try to base on reco on your formula pack (you are feeding with formula yes?). On mine it says 1 month is 90-120ml of water plus powder, for 2-3 months it's 120ml plus powder, at 4 months it is 150ml of water, then 5-6 180ml of water and 7mo+ it's 210ml of water. In general I think 1oz more is fine then normal but I would limit to 5-6oz as a maksimum at that age probably. His settling problem might be from overfeeding. In general he quite soon should be taking around 24-30oz (up to even 40oz) of formula per 24h when you will start solid introduction but even then many kiddos keep their milk requirements and take solids additionally.

[siobhan1995]

I will see what HV suggests tomorrow as I don't think it's normal that he won't stop himself feeding unless he falls asleep which I try and avoid him doing anyway - he seems okay in himself but now it's been mentioned I've been noticing more that he has symptoms of silent reflux which may be why he just wants to keep drinking, to soothe it. Either that or he's just a guzzler and may need a change in formula!!I feel dreadful that I'm over feeding him as that's what I wanted to avoid, he's just stopped giving me full up cues! I never force him to finish and take the bottle away every ounce or so to wind him and give him a chance to feel full. Bless him, it's all so confusing and doesn't help he's got a ditsy Mumma! Thanks for all your help everyone, will update tomorrow xx

[Martini~]

Honey, please don't feel guilty! Even if you are doing something incorrectly (and you probably do as we all LOL), that's perfectly normal. All mothers do mistakes and for many of us the cues are misleading but instead of blaming yourself, think of what you can do next time better. Constructive thinking:)!

[Haribo2012]

Oh honey don't feel bad, being a mum is hard and no matter how much you read up you will make mistakes....we ALL do.
Your LO is loved and thats the main thing 

Keep us posted xx

[siobhan1995]

Hiya all, just a quick update!

Was meant to have my health visitor come to my house yesterday but she canceled last minute (excellent!) as was told to go to clinic to have him weighed and to chat to one of her colleagues about his formula as I text her over the weekend asking about hungry baby stuff because of the amount he was wanting. The HV at clinic basically said to give him as much as he wants as he's gaining weight within his percentile and hasn't jumped up loads so he needs it. Also mentioned about him showing signs of reflux and she basically shut me down and said it was perfectly normal as he doesn't cry when he's doing it?

So I've been going by what he wants, he took 6oz in the morning, then 5oz and then 7oz. He winded okayish (he's not colicky but does struggle to bring up wind without infacol which I forgot to take out with me for his last feed), but whilst we were out he was sick 3 times before falling asleep and after coming home, he woke himself up and was sick another 3 times... Other than being a bit irritable because he hadn't slept much he seemed happy enough in himself but that's a lot of times to be sick, especially as it was 2 hours after I fed him, and with his dummy in it looked like he kept swallowing back something which can't be nice for him! As it was so long after his feed, he usually has a dummy in and is most of the time asleep so I'm starting to wonder how often he'd done it and I've missed it.

Also had a doctors appointment to ask about his eating and reflux and he was useless and said well he looks pink and eating more is good and left it at that! Feel a bit let down as I just feel that there's something more to him not settling and waking himself up so much...

Otherwise though he is starting to get better at napping with a lot of perserverance from me, but does tend to wake himself up 3/4 times per sleep except his nap between 11-2ish (depending on what time he fed) which he sleeps soundly for xx

[Martini~]

Oh Honey - reflux is hard. Many doctora and nurses may neglect symptoms if a baby is gaining weight. Maybe go through our stickies on CRC board. They cannot tell you if your baby is a refluxer, but it will make you more conscious of possible symptoms and it also helps when you talk to a doctor so you know which questions to ask and what things you may ask for/require them to do.

Re feeding... If his feeds are on average high (so every feed is 5oz-8oz) your HV is probably right. Some kiddos just needs more. Do you know how much is his overall 24h intake or does it vary?
The only reason I would think of limiting the feeds is if his next feed is very small. This will be totally my opinion (so links or articles about it:D) but I would prefer to give my child smaller portions but equal instead of big-small scheme so not to push too much to his tummy. So if your feeding pattern is 3h and at one feed he takes 8oz, next one 2oz I would probably try to compensate a bit. But as I stayed it's my opinion only!

[siobhan1995]

On my step mums advice after coming over last night and seeing how stressed I was (little man screamed for what felt like forever and eventually passed out after being rocked in his car seat) to make an appt today, her words being 'if you think there's something wrong, then there is'. Woman I saw today was much more helpful and agreed that the amount of formula etc was excessive and has prescribed infant gaviscon to help. Also been looking into comfort milk as I want to get him off of infacol as that seems to set him off further but really struggles to burp without it. Watch this space!