3 Years Old & NW

[theu.s.lees]

My girls are driving me crazy! Between the baby and my 3 year old we aren't getting any sleep around here.

S is 3 (turned 3 in September) and is a nightmare when it comes to sleep. Over the summer she stopped napping, despite my desperate attempts to get her to nap or even take a quiet time. She will, however, fall asleep in the car if in the car longer then 5 minutes anytime after 2 or 3 pm. If we have to go somewhere past 4 or 5pm and she falls asleep, it means bed time battles.

At bedtime, we read her the Rabbit Story and she falls asleep listening usually. But she is waking up every night and climbing into bed with us. At first it was at 2 or 3 am. But it is getting earlier and earlier. Last night she accidentally wet the bed and I was able to get her changed and back to bed by laying in her room with her until she was asleep. She used to be so independent but this summer so much changed for her and her sleep went out the window.

Several times a week, she wakes up screaming and is insane. I'm not sure if it is night terrors or not. It is almost impossible to get her to calm down and seems to last forever. Of course, we are trying to quiet her as quickly as possible because it usually happens just after I've gotten the baby back to bed.

She is a rather spirited girl who is giving us so much trouble all around in many ways. For instance, she WILL NOT wear any other color but pink, purple and white (white can only be an accent color). Even logos can't be grey or black, nor can the bottom of her shoes. If she's wet the bed (or we are getting dressed for the day and she needs to change her underwear) she screams about not wanting any other ones but the two pairs she will wear. It is always a battle over those details.  I include that just to give you an idea of the type of girl we are dealing with. And because we are so tired with the baby not sleeping we've just been going with it for Sawyer.

I'm not even sure where to start with her or how things went so off. She used to go to sleep easily and slept well from an early age. But not anymore.

[jessmum46]

Hugs Hun, you really are having a rough time right now aren't you?  How do you want to play this, in terms of which one to sort out first?  I think dealing with both at the same time might be quite rough, but it's up to you. Maybe DH could tackle DD2 and you DD1?

So a few thoughts, I hope some will help.  I have a spirited nearly 4yo so many of your battles sound familiar If she's only recently dropped the nap do you think it's worth throwing in some earlier bedtimes?  Disturbed nights and no nap at this age would I expect almost certainly cause OT build-up.  Even just a one-off every now and again? 

Second do you use a gro-clock or similar?  I think it really helps to have a 'third party' reinforcing night time, not just mummy or daddy. 

When she wakes screaming, when in the night does it happen?  First 2-3h after bedtime is typical for night terrors, later than that I'd think OT wake-ups or possibly related to waking and not finding you there?  Could you perhaps change up her BT routine so stories happen a touch earlier or in another room then she gets into bed awake and falls asleep alone?  Has she gone to sleep independently in the past?  If so then you could use WIWO if needed, or reassurance from outside the room, or combine with silent return to bed (I'd suggest that for the NWs).  If she has never slept independently then you could use GW (or also if you think that would suit her better than WIWO which does wind some kids up).

Re the clothing battles.....I'd do your best not to make it a battle.  Give her total control over what she wears.  Offer help getting dressed if necessary but let her choose. My only rule is it has to be decent or weather-appropriate, so for example I wouldn't let her go out in snow in only a t-shirt, but if she wants a party dress to nursery or to wear scruffy leggings to a party I just go with it. Anything I really don't want her to wear I put away.  With these spirited girls I really do think it helps giving them as much control or choice as possible, only really insisting on the dangerous, destructive or disrespectful things.  I find if I am totally honest with myself that 9 times out of 10 the battles I get into with DD are over things that don't *really* matter.  And those battles are most likely to happen when I'm tired....am sure you can relate

Anyhow, here with hugs and support, or just to bounce ideas off xx

[theu.s.lees]

Thank you for your reply. We are having battles all over the house. Thankfully, my son is a good sleeper (knock on wood!).

S dropped the nap this summer. So it's been a while. There are days we can tell she really needs it, so DH will take her for a short drive just to calm her down and bring her back to a happy girl. But what type of early BT are we talking about? It is so hard because her brother and her go to bed at the same time, and it would probably cause more battles to split them up. Right now they are about an 7:45/8am wake up and a 7:45 BT (asleep by .

Last night I had to go back into her room at 10pm to calm her down (crying, and had come down the stairs and a little bit inconsolable but not as bad as normal). But then she was up again a few hours later and DH laid in her room (and fell asleep himself) until around 5am and she came down at 6:15. He said she was upset for quite a while just fussing crying and finally got from her that her sock fell off.

I think that WIWO will be too stimulating for her. She gets pretty fired up when we even put her in her room for time out and so maybe GW. Can you elaborate what this would look like with a 3 year old? I know with a baby you usually move further and further away from the crib, but what about a girl that can get out of her bed?

I will look into a gro-clock. That's a great idea. I would just be concerned as it would have green on it I'm sure, and that color is unacceptable in her world. She can't even breathe if I suggest her wear blue or green ("Those are Milo's colors she will whimper).

Thanks again for your help.