Almost 3 yr old. Suddenly refusing all sleep

[Mandy.kamal]

My DS will be 3 in February. Has been a good sleeper for quite awhile. Even the BBB transition went extremely smooth and he never got out of bed, open the door etc. We have the 'ok to wake' clock which he's always abided by and wouldn't even get out of bed in the am even if he was green and allowed to get up.

All that being said. It's been a solid week where he's completely refusing naps and night sleep. He's screaming and crying and opening the door and yelling for me. He starts getting like this during the wind down and then it builds and builds. A lot of screaming and crying and stalling and wanting multiple things. It's gradually gotten worse these past days. OT has obviously set it now and he's been impossible to settle. NWs have started bc he's gotten to be so OT- always been very sensitive to OT since he was born.

I'm 34 weeks pregnant so I'm assuming that may be playing a role in the clingy behavior but he's with me all day, every day and I give him cuddle, kisses, hugs, love constantly. Not sure if it's a combination on that or just behavioral or what. I'm just not sure how to handle it appropriately. Be calm, be firm, be comforting. I've tried reward charts and even candy bribes for staying in bed. He's not interested in anything.

Before this sudden change, his routine was:

Wake 7:00ish
Nap 1-2:00/2:30
BT 7:45 asleep by 8 at the latest

Now we are all over the place. No routine as each day varies depending on how long it takes for him to stop crying and sleep. Tonight he took 1.5 hours to sleep with continuos door opening and crying out and out of bed, etc. Any advice?

Thank you

[MasynSpencerElliotte]

Is he maybe ready to cap or drop the nap? (Sorry so not what you want to hear at your stage of pregnancy I know!). Is he actually napping this last week?

[Mandy.kamal]

Well I was wondering that myself but before all this started he was sick for 2 weeks so his routine was completely thrown off as well. His naps and night sleep weren't as predictable. So once he was well again, I just tried to get him back on the routine that worked for him prior to getting sick.

So it's probably been about a month since we had that routine I posted previously. And before he got sick that worked beautifully for him and he showed no signs of having too long of a nap. I'm completely fine with capping his nap or dropping it- I just want him to not hate and fight and scream because it's time to sleep.

I'm always terrified of him getting OT because he's impossible and it builds and builds so I'm always so hesitant to mess with naps. Before this, I would know it was time because he would shorten his nights or take longer to fall asleep at night, but the huge difference was he never cried about it and always would just lay in bed and play quietly. The behavior change here is really what's throwing me for a loop!!

Change/cut the nap?
Behavioral change where I need to be consistent with current routine?
Baby's arrival looming affecting him?

Just to add- he finally gave up last night around 8:30 and fell asleep shortly after. It's now 6:45am and he's still asleep (ok to wake goes off at 6:50am so I'm sure he will be up soon). But he's gone 10+ hours and without screaming NWs for the first time in a few days! Not sure if that helps me determine why he's having the sleep issues but I'm happy for the long stretch of sleep!

[Scottishmummy]

Hi!

My DS is a month younger than yours (3 in March) & started acting in a very similar way when DD was due & when she arrived. I think he was partly unsettled by her arrival but also ready for 1-0 transition & her arrival kind of pushed him into it.

I think that if yours is fighting nap & night sleep you need to listen to him & change routine a bit.

What worked for us was initially moving nap later (1.30 & when he started refusing that, 2pm) but still getting up around 3pm.
He then started fighting about nap & it was too tiring to try to get him & DD down for a nap so instead we encourage quiet time in his room or on the sofa, usually watching TV.  It gives me a break or time for DD and sometimes he still falls asleep if he needs it, sometimes he doesn't and we do EBT.

I was dreading nap dropping with DD arriving but it has actually made things easier as only have her naps to think about & DS sort of self-regulates.

HTH, good luck for this transition & for new baby too x

[Mandy.kamal]

Thank you so much for your advice! Things have improved some the past 2 days. I pushed the map forward and capped it some to make sure he's tired enough for nap and night. He seemed a little OT last night and woke a few times last night but never called out. His okay to wake clock didn't go off and he slept over an hour later! He must have needed it.

I honestly feel like it's a fear of being alone. Every time I leave he panics and begs me to stay. He keeps asking why he has to sleep alone, etc. When he woke this morning he starting crying again and saying he didn't want to be by himself.

Horrible timing bc I'll have the newborn with me all night at first and I'm sure that'll only make him feel worse and intensify this issue...

[MasynSpencerElliotte]

He is prime age for fears like that to develop. Does he have a lovey? A night light? DD3 had been having wake ups where she seemed scared so I flipped the night light part of her monitor on and now she seems better about waking and not freaking out.

[athenasmom]

Yep, prime time to develop fears. With understanding so much now, he sees how little he is in this big-big world and that is scary  DS was the same around this age. Because I always wanted to make sure that going to sleep is a positive experience for my kids I decided to stay with him. I usually cuddled him in his bed either kneeling in front of his bed or laying down with him. When he was nice and relaxed I told him that I will leave but I will come back every 2 minutes to check on him. Then I made sure that I came back every 2 min to check on him until he fell asleep. This helped him feel secure but also promoted independent sleep. It might be hard with a newborn but do you have someone else to watch the baby while you put him to bed?

[Mandy.kamal]

Thank you both for your replies. He got upset with me leaving at nap today and was holding me so tight and begging me not to leave. Ugh, broke my heart. I just keep telling him that everyone has their own bed and this is where he sleeps, etc. He never cried though and stayed in bed during his whole nap time but did not sleep at all. I was just glad he stayed and played in there the whole time. He was way OT before bedtime and I did an EBT of 6:45 to make up for it. He was really worked up and OT but luckily my husband put him to bed so he wasn't begging me to stay- he only does that with me usually.

He does have quite a few lovies and cuddles all of them all night. I've considered the night light but was waiting to see if he ever mentioned being 'scared' being alone or the dark. I'm not sure if it's just me he wants there or if it's being alone in there in the dark. We had his room blacked out and have since he was a baby so I was worried a night light would keep him up and encourage the in and out of bed and playing with toys. It may be worth a shot though!