Going out of my mind, horrible naps!!!

[hayleystar]

I have had enough!nreally, my daughter is the worst mapper ever. She's always been bad but now at 15 mo this it's still not improving. She's been on one nap since 12 months old, when she first went to one nap she did long naps (2 - 3 hours) this was heaven after months of 30 minute naps. Then for no reason she started waking after 30 - 45 minutes, screaming and standing up. I would pat her back to sleep but between 10 and 30 minutes later she's awake again and this continues until I have had enough and get her up, now she's cranky and grumpy all afternoon.

Routine is as follows
5.30am wake up and breastfeed in the dark. Put her back to bed, she returns to sleep
6.30/7 wake up, breakfast
12 - 12.30 nap (as above)
6.30 bed time.

She is great at falling asleep and stays asleep until 5.30am usually.
What am I doing wrong? Please help

[creations]

Hi there.  I just looked at your previous posts to see how old your LO  is, and saw you had an unanswered thread on this problem.  I'm so sorry you didn't get any replies.  We do try to make sure all threads are responded to by someone in the community but obviously some times things are overlooked.

Sounds like you are really struggling there but you have done so so well to remain calm and keep helping her, well done Mummy! I saw in your previous thread you had thoughts creeping in to just leave her to it, I'm sure if you hold tight you will get through this difficult phase without breaking your wonderful bond with your DD.

At 15 months she does need more than a 30 min nap.  It is not 100% clear how long a nap she needs, here you say she was doing 2-3 hrs and in your other thread you said 1.5-2hrs...it is helpful to know how much a LO was in the habit of when we start looking at a routine tweak, so lets go with 1.5-2hrs (rather than 3hrs), OK?

Seems she needed a longer activity time before her nap, that's what I'd gather from the short naps and WU time moving earlier.  So I would go forwards by moving her set nap time later.  Move in 15 mins every 2 days until the nap extends.  When this happens also move BT 15 mins later (I saw on your other thread you'd be happy to move BT later to encourage a later WU).  Her set nap time might need to move considerably, the first aspect is that she needs a longer A time but the second aspect is that if WU moves later then nap also needs to move later, so keep this in mind otherwise it can seem like a huge shift.

I'd think you might be looking at something like:
WU 7
S 1.30/2 - 3.30
BT 8pm
(move in 15 min steps not all in one go)

In the first days moving her nap time later might mean she is OT but considering she is tired and grumpy all afternoon already and only taking short naps I don't think it's really going to be much worse than it already is, yk? When she wakes resettle in her cot, PU for a cuddle if needed but I'd put her back into her bed for the rest of the nap.
You could also try a W2S just before the 30 mins. Sometimes it is easier to resettle before they fully wake and cry out, so I'd nip in around 20-25mins into the nap and either begin to sooth or be right there ready to help settle and the first hint of waking, a firm hand on her back to rock her slightly (like the pram) or stroking her head, whatever you think is helpful.  W2S isn't something you continue for ever but is a useful tool during these tricky times.  There's a chance it will reduce the resettle time which will likely feel less stressful for you.

What do you think?

[hayleystar]

Thank you for your reply, that's great information. Sorry about the confusion on nap length. When she first went to one nap she did an average of 2 hours but sometimes three, that lessened to 1.5 (which she woke happy from). Now it's very short.

I think you're right and she needs more awake time, I will begin increasing this as you suggested.
If she wakes, should I resettle her by patting? Or walk in walk out? Also how long do I continue to try and resettle her for? Sometimes she will go back to sleep only to wake again after ten minutes

Thank you,
I will give wake to sleep a try as well, I have had success with this in the past

[hayleystar]

Today I pushed her nap 15 minutes to 12.45. She woke after 45 minutes but resettled herself after a few yells. She slept 30 minutes at which time I attempted to resettle her and she fell asleep for another ten minutes. About 1.5 hours in total. This afternoon she was extremely grumpy, not sure if it was tiredness or something else

[creations]

If it was me I'd still increase another 15  mins and expect to go further.  Initially sleeping a bit longer or being able to self settle once is quite common when A is increased but they can quickly get used to it so it doesn't 'work' the next day or a couple of days later.  although remembering too that part of that much later nap time was to allow for a steadily later BT to shift everything on a bit.

If she wakes, should I resettle her by patting? Or walk in walk out?

Whatever you've found is most suitable for her.  Mine was ok with just the W2S, hand on him whilst he transitioned for like 2 mins when he dropped to one nap but if he was fully awake he needed picking up which isn't the usual method for this age but mine *needed* to be picked up, it was brief but necessary.  Other times I've just done verbal reassurance or instruction from outside the room so it really depends on how she is, what the phase is like etc.

Also how long do I continue to try and resettle her for?

I would have said not too long in the first couple days just because the A wouldn't have increased substantially enough to make it worth spending a long time at it but what you've done with the 10 mins sounds great.
I would expect her to continue to be grumpy for a while, she was already waking grumpy so not much change there yet then.  I would think once her nap is more settled she's more likely to be in a better mood.