Toddler won't sleep past 4.15am no matter what. Desperately tired!

[dwilliams1984]

My 21 month old son has been waking up at 4.15am for weeks and he has been up before 5 for months now. We have tried everything to get him to sleep longer. We have black out blinds, tried a white noise machine, earlier bedtimes, later bedtimes, nothing works. He screams until I get him and shouts to go downstairs to play. I also have a groclock but he takes no notice of it. He goes to bed at 7pm currently. As he is getting up at 4.15 he is desperate for a nap by 9am. If I push his nap back later he struggles to stay awake.

Tried the wake to sleep method for the past two nights, going in an hour before to make him stir, but it has made no difference.

Any help would be gratefully received as I am desperately tired.

[deb]

What's his current bedtime, and what's his daytime napping like?

Also, what's his eating like, especially second half of the day?

[dwilliams1984]

Thanks so much for replying!

He eats really well and loves his food in fact. I give him his dinner at 5pm.

His current bedtime is 7pm and he naps for about 1.5 hours generally around midday although sometimes from 1pm. At the moment as he is waking so early he has a catnap for 30 minutes at 9am most mornings.

[jessmum46]

Hugs, endless early waking is tough . That 9am nap is certainly the issue though, if you want to get rid of the waking early you need to get that to around midday.  Given this age and how painfully early this all is for you, I'd be tempted to grit your teeth for around a week and push him as absolutely far as you can on day 1 - literally dance in circles round him, do a jig, whatever to get him to stay up. Next day push him that far plus some more.  And get to midday by 3-4 days in.  Treat it like jet lag, and do a big push very rapidly.  He will be super-tired but at some point he will crash and that will work in your favour.  I assume you aren't actually getting up at starting the day at 4.15?  I would keep him in the dark with no/minimal interaction (even if you have to sit with him) until 6am at least - any light at that hour will set his body clock to keep waking.  Will be here to cheerlead!

[deb]

What kinds of food/how much is he eating afternoon/evening? I have found that some foods that cause either intestinal discomfort (even well after eating), or leave mine getting hungry again before breakfast are problematic in terms of sleep. Also, mine have some food sensitivities; artificial food colorings and too much fructose (like in fruit juice) caused sleep & behavioral disturbances.

[creations]

Totally agree with katherine, a rapid push on the times.

you could also introduce a lamp/light on a timer rather than the gro clock, used the lights in the same way but it gives LO a much clear indication of "morning" and "night" as the room is either very light or still dark.  You could set it first for 6am then move it on to 6.15 and so on.

[dwilliams1984]

Thanks so much! Will definitely try to get rid of the morning nap. I am unfortunately getting up with him for the day at 4.15 as he screams and screams unless I bring him downstairs. I tried leaving him to cry for a bit and waiting with him until a more reasonable hour but he wouldn't stop screaming or jumping up and down in his cot!

[dwilliams1984]

That's interesting Deb and I am sorry to hear you had some trouble. I give him spaghetti bolognaise followed by yoghurt most regularly but it is generally some meat, potatoes and other veg. It's yoghurt every day. I wonder if I am giving too much but he is a very hungry boy and I previously thought he could be waking up due to hunger so I give him a decent among without being excessive

[jessmum46]

I know how hard it is - more ((hugs)), but this may just be one of those situations where to properly sort it out you are going to have to face that tantrum head-on and not give in.  I think it's helpful to think of it like the situation of your child asking for an ice-cream just before dinner - in all likelihood you'd say no and not give in however big the tantrum, right?  This is just the same, it won't be easy but he needs a clear message that 4.15am is not daytime.  In fairness to him, at the moment the routine is probably making him think it is time to get up, but I would expect within a few days of pushing his nap to a sensible time that his body clock would start to adjust.  Then reinforcing day and night with light/dark cues will be extra-important.  I'd suggest even if in the (very) short-term you feel like you still need to get him up, that you keep all lights off until a reasonable hour. 

Just from your post - you mention getting rid of the morning nap - is he taking another one later in the day as well?

[dwilliams1984]

Thanks for the advice and support! I think I will tackle this over the weekend. Should I sit in the dark with him until about 5 to begin with and gradually put the time back? The idea about the light sounds good too! He has the cat nap for about 30 mins at 9am as he is literally exhausted after the early wake up then he has 1.5 hours from about 12pm. I have to push him around in his buggy for the naps on long walks as he won't nap in his cot in the day anymore (another issue I'm facing at the moment). Again, he just screams non stop and I went in after increasing two minute intervals to reassure him (controlled crying), but he was still screaming after 90 mins and the neighbours were mad so I gave up. I felt bad doing that as well! First things first, will get rid of the morning nap! He is a very happy and entertaining boy when tiredness doesn't set in.

[jessmum46]

I think gradually pushing the morning later is a good plan . Hopefully once the later nap kicks in that will help.  Once we get him waking at a more sensible time then we can help you with a plan to get him sleeping in the cot again if that's what you wish x

[deb]

That's interesting Deb and I am sorry to hear you had some trouble. I give him spaghetti bolognaise followed by yoghurt most regularly but it is generally some meat, potatoes and other veg. It's yoghurt every day. I wonder if I am giving too much but he is a very hungry boy and I previously thought he could be waking up due to hunger so I give him a decent among without being excessive

Nope, that all sounds good to me. Protein is nice and filling.

Another off-the-wall thought: When my DD1 was waking early (before 6AM, anyway LOL), I started just going to her before she got worked up and sitting in her room (chair next to her bed) and trying to grab another 45 minutes of sleep for myself at least with her sleeping on me; as long as it was early and she wasn't too worked up, she would fall back asleep on me and we dozed together for another sleep cycle, sometimes two. After a few days of that, she began sleeping thru on her own.