1 year old. I want to stop BF, she doesn't.

[Scottishmummy]

DD is 1yo now.  I stopped her mid morning and mid afternoon feeds around 10 mo to prepare for me going back to work and DD quite quickly accepted this. I'd planned to keep wake up and BT feed until 12mo then stop. DD has other ideas.  If I am not around she will accept milk from a cup but if I'm at home, she will only accept a BF and screams if I don't offer.

The BT feed wouldn't be so bad. She doesn't feed to sleep and I could just get DH to do her whole BT routine and keep out the way fir a while. Not ideal but possible. It's the mornings we are struggling with. DD is an early waker (5-6am). I can't resettle her as she just wants a feed. DH can but only until around 5.45/6 when DD just wants a BF and won't accept anything else and screams and screams unless I feed her. It's an awful start to the day. 

DH and I are going to be away for a night at the start of next month and DD will be at my parents for the night. I want to drop the feeds by then but really don't know how when DD clearly isn't ready to.

Any suggestions?

[jessmum46]

Hi Hun, sorry this is proving a struggle for you I guess there are two ways of looking at it, would you/could you consider continuing for a while longer, or do you definitely want to stop now?  There's no reason to stop breastfeeding at 12 months particularly - it's often 'convention' rather than anything else and if you feel it would be gentler on all of you for now you could hold off weaning for a bit longer, perhaps until any 2-1 related EW/routine bits have been ironed out? (Just guessing from the age that may be playing a factor). 

That said, I totally get the wanting to wean and have your body back!  So if you definitely do want to I would probably tackle the bedtime first and make use of DH for a while.  Either have him do all of bedtime or change your routine around a bit so that it's easier to miss out.  For example, we changed our bedtime routine shortly before weaning from bath, feed, story, bed to feed downstairs, bath, story, bed.  That made it really easy just to distract and head straight upstairs when we wanted to drop it as she no longer expected the feed after her bath.  I didn't replace it with anything, they don't *need* to have bedtime milk at this age provided they are getting a healthy balanced diet with plenty of calcium from other sources or milk at other times of the day.

With the morning I think probably you may have to accept that there may be some upset, though you may be able to help with that by talking to her a lot in the day about how there will be no more milk when she wakes up.  They understand more than we think at this age!  I would send DH in to resettle until 6am, then if she is upset let him stay with her and reassure/cuddle etc until what you consider an acceptable WU time, then straight up and to breakfast (with a cup of milk if you wish).  I think it will likely be no more than a few days of upset, then she will probably forget entirely and may even start resettling more easily at that early hour.  I remember I think Anna's LO when she weaned the early morning feed - LO was a bit older but I think they ended up with a few days of the EW being up for the day and then fairly quickly went back to waking at usual time without the feed

Will hold your hand whatever you choose x

[michaeljacknnugg]

I think mine is feeling rather the same way....only about all the feeds,  yikes. I'm planning to try him with a cup for the morning feed this week.

She will be OK with your parents for one night, whether you've dropped a feed or not by then. If you took that night away out of the equation, would you want to continue, or wean? I think I'm on the page of continuing for a while as it's a very useful tool at times.

[Scottishmummy]

I think that if we weren't going away, I wouldn't mind continuing for a bit longer, at least until she could understand an explanation about no more milk. I don't think she would just yet. So maybe she'll be ok for 1 night if she knows I'm not there.

I would like to stop sometime soon though but yes the 2-1 is disrupting things and she's still adjusting to me going back to work so I think the feeds are also a connection/re-connection thing when I'm not seeing her as much during the weekdays.

Good tips,Katherine.  I think changing routine would help.

Good luck with your weaning MJ&N. When do you go back to work?

[michaeljacknnugg]

Three weeks. I'm getting a bit panicky about feeds if I'm honest

[Scottishmummy]

Do you think he'll take milk from someone else if you're not there?
Or could he have a drink and dairy based snack on days when you're in work?

[michaeljacknnugg]

He's done two 4-hr stints at nursery and refused all food. I need to talk to them because I don't think they offered him any milk.

We've got some full-fat milk in now and I will try him with a cup of that tomorrow.

[Palmira78]

Hey MJ&N. Have you tried expressing some of your milk and offering it in a bottle / cup? Perhaps if the taste is familiar, your DS will be able to accept it better. I did it when I returned to work and later on he had no issue having formula instead when necessary. Expressing some milk can also help you to avoid breast pain during the transition of eliminating the feed, otherwise it can be painful.

Scottishmumy, good luck with the process. Please if possible write an update about how did it go. I am considering to eliminate some of those feeds, and I have exactly the same issue with the morning one.

[Scottishmummy]

Scottishmumy, good luck with the process. Please if possible write an update about how did it go. I am considering to eliminate some of those feeds, and I have exactly the same issue with the morning one.

Brief update- I kept BF at wu and BT for 2 more weeks but then it got tricky as it seemed like the morning BF was contributing to EW and in the evening she wouldn't settle for DH with only a cup of milk if I was late home from work. So I went cold turkey, one day we were all awake early anyway due to DH being unwell, so I just comforted her but did not feed her. Same in the event, cuddles but no BF. It was a tough couple of days at first as DD was pretty cross about it but on the third day she accepted a cup of milk and we've been fine since. I've been a bit uncomfortable, weepy and irritable for a few days with the hormone changes but hopefully starting to settle now.

[*Ali*]

Be kind to yourself.  It is very hard even though it was your choice. The hormones are similar to baby blues so just go with it  it will soon pass.