Author Topic: "I do not want"  (Read 1024 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline -Maya-

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 10
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 671
  • Location: Turin, Italy
"I do not want"
« on: October 17, 2016, 07:44:35 am »
Hello wise ladies, again I ask for your suggestions.
DS is almost 2y5mo and we are obviously going into full fledgered Terrible Two. We have tantums, toddler screaming, toddler laying on the floor, toddler kicking, etc. usual stuff.
What worries me more is that during the night he wakes up screaming "I do not want, I do not want". Sometimes he says what he does not want (i.e. remove my shoes) but usually he does not. When he wakes up this way he is very difficult to comfort, he cries and cries with a lot of tears.
Any BTDT? What should I do to help him?

Actually I know very well those kins of dreams. I guess I have something similar in bad periods. Too much angry to be contained in a single body.



Offline dache

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 22
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 1565
  • Location: Macedonia
Re: "I do not want"
« Reply #1 on: October 17, 2016, 10:53:55 am »
When he wakes up this way he is very difficult to comfort, he cries and cries with a lot of tears. 
Any BTDT? What should I do to help him?

This happens in our home when dd doesn't sleep well at night. We had a morning like that today. When she is like that, I  use the time I`d use to get ready to cuddle with her as long as we can. We got dressed last minute this morning, we stood in front of the mirror hugging and she tried hard not to cry. I didnt had breakfast or coffee but by the time she was out the door she was fine.

Talking trough her day before is part of our bt routine, I`ve noticed that she has bad dream and talks in her sleep more if we skip that step.

If he doesnt say what he doesnt want, I repeat what she says, you dont want to...and than guess what she doesnt want to. This works well for us, because when she is upset she kind of locks down and doesnt speak except yes and no.

Hth. My brain is not working properly today, sorry for not being more helpful.



Offline -Maya-

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 10
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 671
  • Location: Turin, Italy
Re: "I do not want"
« Reply #2 on: October 17, 2016, 13:00:04 pm »
Thanks Dache for your answer.
Talking trough her day before is part of our bt routine, I`ve noticed that she has bad dream and talks in her sleep more if we skip that step.
i think I will try this. At BT I usually force him to cuddle with me becasue before boing close to me he seems he does not want cuddles, but then he likes it. Or so I think. I can try to review his day, even if he does not talk (yet?) to what happened during the day.

Offline We Three

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 418
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 15698
  • The Sweetest Thing....
  • Location:
Re: "I do not want"
« Reply #3 on: October 17, 2016, 13:07:21 pm »
  Are you sure these aren't night terrors? 

Offline Martini~

  • Birth Clubs
  • Forum Moderator
  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 48
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 3009
  • Location:
Re: "I do not want"
« Reply #4 on: October 17, 2016, 13:12:03 pm »
That's what I wanted to say. At 2,5 so at half-birthday we had some night terrors (not night mares) happening. Just 5-10min of screaming, not reacting for what I did. Seemed developmental.
~Marta

Offline -Maya-

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 10
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 671
  • Location: Turin, Italy
Re: "I do not want"
« Reply #5 on: October 17, 2016, 13:18:50 pm »
I do not know a lot about night terrors. He seems to be awake and it happens always with the same sentence ("I do not want") adn it can happen anytime during the night.
What should I check for night terrors?

Offline Martini~

  • Birth Clubs
  • Forum Moderator
  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 48
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 3009
  • Location:
~Marta

Offline athenasmom

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 16
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 969
  • What ice cream ... I had no ice cream!!!
  • Location: Florida, USA
Re: "I do not want"
« Reply #7 on: October 17, 2016, 13:21:41 pm »
Yeah, they sound like night terrors to me. DS had them too starting about this age. There were periods where he had one every single night. And then it kind of eased up for a few months then started again. Now at 9 he still has them occasionally. Usually after big changes like starting school after the summer holiday or after grandpa goes back to Hungary after a long visit etc. His phrase is "please mama please". He just sits in his bed and keeps repeating it. He sweats a lot and has his fists clenched too. It is a bit freaky and kind of sad because he pleads and there is nothing I can do  :( You just need to ride these out. I usually sternly say "It's OK son mama is here" then I hug him and rub his back or stroke his head. In less than 5 min he is usually back to sleep and he has no recollection of it the next day.
*Suzanna*





Offline creations

  • Feeding Solid Food & EASY
  • Forum Moderator
  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 496
  • Posts: 21993
  • Location: UK
Re: "I do not want"
« Reply #8 on: October 17, 2016, 18:46:12 pm »
My DS always had what I called "anxiety dreams", they did not fit the descriptions of nightmares or night terrors.  They sound very similar to what your LO is doing.  Mine often sleep talked during these dreams and might say/shout "No! I don't want to!" or just "no!" but sometimes he would say something to do with his day which he must have been dreaming about and processing through his dream. So one time he shouted "My apple core my apple core" (which he had finished and threw in the bin much earlier in the day but suddenly felt the loss of a finished apple) or "I need a spanner!" which was an amusing one.
With mine it was obvious when he was awake and asleep. He could speak when asleep and when he was awake he'd be crying.

Certainly what caused anxiety in DS is not always what an adult would consider reason for anxiety.  Like DS and his apple, he had no problem dropping it in the bin when he had finished eating it, there was no sign of anxiety at all, but inside him it was there.  it's not always stuff that caused crying in the day is what I'm saying.


Offline -Maya-

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 10
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 671
  • Location: Turin, Italy
Re: "I do not want"
« Reply #9 on: October 18, 2016, 08:32:32 am »
Creations, your BTDT is really interesting. For us I think is not anxiety but more a crash of DS will with the external word. I hope I am not thinking to DS as too similar to me.

Actually yesterday I tried to go through DS day with him and he had no "I do not want to" dream. Maybe it was just a coincidence. I will try again tonight.
« Last Edit: October 18, 2016, 10:22:01 am by -Maya- »

Offline ginger428

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 16
  • Posts: 912
  • Location:
Re: "I do not want"
« Reply #10 on: October 18, 2016, 18:49:00 pm »
Part of it seems developmental. I love what Dache shared... extra cuddles at night and in the morning almost always help us prevent tantrums. Along with talking through what WILL happen once everyone is calm. I lower my voice almost to a whisper to tell him what is to come Next and in our day. 

M has also been talking some in his sleep and waking with crying. Similar to creations... i think it's some sort of processing the day and moments that affected him internally for whatever reason. Can't believe the amount of developing is happening these wee years they've been alive, right?

Hope it calms down soon and what you try works. Hugs!!

Offline creations

  • Feeding Solid Food & EASY
  • Forum Moderator
  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 496
  • Posts: 21993
  • Location: UK
Re: "I do not want"
« Reply #11 on: October 18, 2016, 19:21:52 pm »
I do seem to remember that age being a time when my DS needed to "be heard" or to "feel heard" yk?
The extra cuddles, letting him cry and cuddle him and hear it rather than trying to sooth and stop him, if that makes sense, just being there saying "yes oh yes I see" really helped for us. He seemed to have a lot to say (cry) but once he'd said it he was so much calmer, it felt different to when I just tried to sooth him. Hard to explain.

Yes I think it is all the processing of the day.
Maya - my DP's view or interpretation of DS's disturbed sleep is similar to yours - kind of that DS's will has been thwarted by the world and he is outraged by it. I tend not to think so much that he is outraged, more struggling to process (eg processing loss of things, giving things up even if it is only an apple core)... perhaps we all have our own set of words and interpretation for what is essentially the same thing?  I just called them anxiety dreams because they didn't fit the descriptions of night terrors or nightmares or anything else I read.


Offline -Maya-

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 10
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 671
  • Location: Turin, Italy
Re: "I do not want"
« Reply #12 on: October 19, 2016, 06:50:50 am »
I have never thought him as strong willed. He has always been so compliant with me that I was worried that he could not be able to express his full will. Maybe he's changing or I misunderstood him.

Offline -Maya-

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 10
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 671
  • Location: Turin, Italy
Re: "I do not want"
« Reply #13 on: October 31, 2016, 08:25:22 am »
This stuff is getting crazy. He cries many times a night and he sleeps horribly. Yesterday hours is changes in the wrong way and se he is up since 5am basically crying.
He cries cland cries and cries for everything. I know it's terribile 2 + nursery + lack of sleep all piling up. But honestly I do not know what to do. Yesterday he was in bed and sleeping at 8.10 and today we started his day at 6am.
I am so down, both dh and I have one day off work + bank holiday so we have 4 days together and ds is just crying and crying.
I will try again to put ds in bed as early as possible for a week, but omg will this ever stop?

Offline athenasmom

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 16
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 969
  • What ice cream ... I had no ice cream!!!
  • Location: Florida, USA
Re: "I do not want"
« Reply #14 on: October 31, 2016, 13:16:06 pm »
Yes, soon it is just going to be a distant memory  ;)

BTW did you look into his mouth? It could be the 2 year molars. They can disrupt life in a big way.

Funny thing is ... today morning at 5 am DD kept yelling "I don't want yogurt" over and over again in her sleep. I thought about your DS  ;D
*Suzanna*