Crying and fussing before naps, short naps 4 month old

[Chloevalentine]

I've posted about this before on another board but I'm desperate. I know I can't be the only one. My 4 month old hasn't napped more than 30 mins 98% of the time in 4 months! I'm at my wits end. I e tried different A times, swaddled unswaddled, feeding before feeing after, dark room, white noise, putting down drowsy, awake and asleep. Nothing works. I'm exhausted also taking care of a 3 year old and without having any down time to get things done I'm stressed and anxious all the time. He's usually in bed early around 6/630 because he doesn't nap and he's stil waking at night or early am due to this. Any tips or suggestions?

[Scottishmummy]

Hi there,

I'm sorry you feel so stressed and anxious about this. I've had a look through your other threads and honestly, you've been getting some great advice and support, there's nothing more I could suggest. Many LOs this age just take short naps & wake during the night or early morning.

Is there anything you can do to try to reduce your own stress about this and also to get some rest for yourself, it sounds like you have a lot on and are struggling. Anyone you could talk to in real life about how stressed and anxious & tired you are feeling? Anyone who could help you out/ give you a break and some extra support?

Big hugs, life with 2 is stressful, but this stage is relatively short lived and it really will pass. Look after yourself
Xxx

[Chloevalentine]

Lately my problem is that he falls asleep in my arms and as soon as I put him down in crib he wakes up. Then I have to start all over again sitting rocking he falls asleep again and then wakes again when I put him down. I've tried putting him down drowsy I've tried holding him for a while and putting down asleep nothing works. Today it took me 40 mins to get him to sleep and I'm sure he'll sleep for 30 mins!

[Chloevalentine]

He actually only ends up napping for 20-25 mins after it takes that long to get him down. Not sure what a 20 min nap is

[Scottishmummy]

This might be a silly question, but have you tried putting him down awake and getting him to fall asleep in the cot? My DD would fall asleep out the cot but not transfer or go in drowsy. Only thing that worked for us was going into cot awake and falling asleep there.

How are you feeling in yourself?

[Chloevalentine]

I have tried but either he starts crying and doesn't settle with sh pat and I have to pick him up or he just lays there I leave the room and on the monitor he just starts babbling or whining and fussing and becoming more and more awake. I even tried the "naps" 90 min sleep routine putting him down at either 90 mins or 180 (which seems to be too long) nothing works nothing makes a difference. He did end up napping for an hour but the crying and stress and putting him down three times before he fell asleep def wasn't worth it. Plus if my husband wasn't home there's no way I can leave my toddler alone that long.
I'm tired and stressed like most moms with two kids. My 3.5 yr old son is dealing with some sensory issues at the moment that make him seek out things like getting into everything dumping out everything it's awful and with a baby that doesn't nap and takes me a long time to put down just makes everything that much worse. Thanks for asking ;(

[Chloevalentine]

How do I eventually implement a 4 hr easy? He goes 3.5-4 hours now btwn feeds but that naps are short. A 2 hr A time is tough too with school drop off and pick up

[jessmum46]

Just popping on with some extra support for you I know it's tempting to think about what will happen next, and how 2h A times will work, and what will happen when.....etc etc but honestly, it is not worth it, so hard as it is, try to let it go and just focus on the next hour, the next nap, the next trip out.  For me the big picture was too much with two so young, it really was a case some days of putting one foot in front of the other and doing what you could, not what you would aspire to. 

Things that helped us here with 2:
 - getting out - for older LOs sake - keep them busy/occupied and the challenging behaviour does tend to improve
 - sling/babywearing little one
 - recognising that ANY sleep is a victory for the baby
 - realising lack of sleep may lead to tears and tiredness, but you are not harming/damaging your baby if they have a short nap (just think - if you'd never come across BW would it bother you??)
 - using TV/iPad unashamedly with older one if you need time to settle baby
 
I'm going to be really honest with you now because I care and I know others here do too.  You do seem very stressed out and anxious and I totally get it, having two kids is HARD.  But I think perhaps your worries are more than just normal mum of two worries?  I don't know, I don't know you in person or what else is going on for you but it strikes me that maybe the thing you need most right now is help and support for YOU rather than a routine tweak?  (((Hugs))) and I hope it's not out of order to say this to you, but I'm here to listen and will hold your hand to reach out for some IRL support if that's what you want to do xxx

[Chloevalentine]

Thanks so much for your concern oh boy would help be great lol. I'm sure others also get stressed and overwhelmed and I'm sure I'm come off as both lol. My 3.5 year old is a good boy but he's not an easy kid and it's just makes the day home with both long and very trying at times. He needs constant supervision because of his need to get into and touch things so I'm working on that. But I do appreciate your offer very kind of you I'm just still waiting to feel like I've got into a new groove with the two it's been 4 months and I'm still waiting lol.

[jessmum46]

(((Hugs))), the groove will come, and it will change as they each go through different ages and stages.  Remember you are doing an awesome job, even if it doesn't feel like it xx