13/14 Month Old Nap Refusal

[Maddie9709]

Hi there.  I posted for the first time a few days ago, but I believe I added my topic to the wrong section, so I have moved it here!

I am here to look for some tips and hopefully a solution for my son's sudden nap refusal.  He is 14 months old now, but this all started over 4 weeks ago when he was 13 months old.  He transitioned to one nap at 11 months and did great from 11 months-13 months - took one nap a day about 2 - 2.5 hours in length.  He was happy, well rested, and was sleeping great at night (about 11-12 hours).

Then at 13 months, everything changed.  He started to refuse naps and he acts like his crib is the most terrifying place in the world.  He will kick, scream, fight when he sees that I am about to place him in his crib.  He will claw at me and is just hysterical.  Out of desperation, I have ended up holding him and rocking him in the rocking chair in hopes of getting him some form of a nap.  I figured the developmental leap he was going through would soon pass, but it is now 4 weeks later and he has not let up even a little bit. His night sleep has remained good overall, but day napping is just not happening.  So most days he will either nap on me in the rocking chair or he will skip his nap and then be grumpy/clingy/overtired the rest of the day.

I do not like cry it out and do not want to use it.  He is too old for shush/pat (and even if not, he refuses to lay down, he will just stand and cry).  Gradual withdrawal has not worked either.  If I am present in his room and he can see me, he will either sit down in his crib and play with his socks and watch me or whimper at me to take him out, no sleep happening there).  So I have been trying a variation of pick up/put down and walk in/walk out.  I leave him in his crib, tell him its naptime and I love him and give him a hug and kiss and leave.  He loses it when I leave.  I wait another 10-15 minutes and come back and repeat.  I only pick him up if he is hysterical.  This has worked the few times he has woken up during the night and it usually takes about 3 times for him to go back to sleep.  But that is nighttime - he is more willing to do that at night, not so much during the day.

However, yesterday I tried this and he did eventually fall asleep in his crib after my going in there 2 times, but he only slept 55 minutes and woke up crying.  I am trying it again today, but so far no luck.  I have been up there twice and he is still crying.

Both my mom and mother in law told me that their children completely STOPPED napping (forever!) at around this age.  Is that possible?  I can't believe that is the case here - he is clearly exhausted, yawns, gets fussy, rubs his eyes, puts his head on my chest.  And he will fall asleep in the car occasionally.  Is it possible this is early 18 month sleep regression?  Seems like it would be awfully early.

Please help! 

[Maddie9709]

Hi again.

I forgot to add that he has had some new teeth come in recently (third bottom and third top) - could that really be causing all of this?  He has been drooling more, but otherwise does not seem too affected.  I don't see anything as far back as his molars, but I guess that is a possibility?  His behavior does not seem to indicate pain, but more separation anxiety.  He is clingy, but I can't figure out if he is clingy because he doesn't nap and is tired and grumpy, or if he isn't napping because he is clingy as a result of separation anxiety - got myself a chicken and egg situation...

Either way, whether it could be teething or separation anxiety, what can I do to get him back on track?  He cannot sleep in my arms forever...

[Haribo2012]

Hi there, sorry if you got no replies on your last post.

Can you post your day (or what you are aiming for) so we can see if anything stands out that needs tweaking.

I will say that my DS2 is 14 months and he's just had a really clingy 3 week phase of SA and his back teeth are also coming in which causes us NW.

When you say you leave him 10-15 mins is that at full meltdown or is he just grumbling? Really if he's crying hard he needs you so we would recommend going straight back in so you don't loose the trust. From what you have written it seems like GW is the most gentle for him and you say he just sits and plays with his socks and whimpers so I'd prob keep with this method.
Just sit a little away and use your voice to repeat your sleepy phrase, don't get him out just keep laying him back down but stay there so he's feeling secure.
x

[Maddie9709]

Hi.  Thank you for your reply. 

Before these issues started, here is what his schedule would be like:

7:00/7:30AM - Wake time & BF, then some play
8/8:30AM - BF (he usually likes two BFs close together in the morn, think he is hungry from overnight)
9:00AM - Breakfast (solids)
9:15AM-11:30/12PM - Playtime
11:30AM/12:00PM - BF & Nap
1:30/2:00PM - Wake & lunch (solids)
2:30PM-3:30PM - Playtime/take a walk in the stroller
3:30PM - BF
3:45-5:30PM - More playtime/sometimes run errands
5:30PM - Dinner (solids)
6:00PM - Bath
6:20-6:50PM - Wind down: pajamas/read a book/say goodnight
7:00PM - BF & bed

He also eats some snacks mixed in during the day...Once down at 7PM, he would sleep until morning to anywhere from 6:15-7:30AM.

To answer your question, it varies when I leave him for 10-15 minutes. Sometimes he is just angry I am leaving and fusses for a bit and then calms, other times he has a full blow meltdown.  It is obvious to me he is overtired.  I agree with you that I want to be there when he is crying hard - I have tried that several times, but it just seems he will not settle to sleep if I am present.  It definitely calms him to see me there but I have sat there for over an hour and he will just sit or stand waiting for me to pick him up, no nap in sight.  So I guess I just don't know how to properly execute the gradual withdrawal method - any tips? I am worried about him just sitting there awake for an hour or two and then the nap window ends because then it is then too late for a nap as it will negatively impact his night sleep if he naps so late in the day.  So on those days, he has usually ended up skipping his nap which leads to other issues.

[Haribo2012]

It's so tricky isn't it, I'd maybe try a touch of walk in walk out if he won't sleep when your there. He will cry but if you stick to your guns and return quickly lay him back down just say shush sleep time or whatever you choose he will get the idea.

If he's short napping it might be worth trying an EBT to see if you can catch up a bit x

[Maddie9709]

Thank you! Today I tried an adapted version of gradual withdrawal.  After BF, I told him it was naptime and that I love him and gave him a hug and a kiss and I put him into his crib.  He was pretty upset as usual, but I sat in the rocking chair with a book while he was fussing.  I would talk to him every few minutes and shush him and tell him its ok and he is a big boy and it is naptime now.  He cried and then whined on and off for about 30 minutes and then laid right down himself and closed his eyes after a minute or so and went to sleep!  I soon left the room and he slept 1 hour 50 minutes without waking! This has not happened in over 4 weeks, so big improvement.  Seemed to work much quicker than what I had been doing the last two days, which was a variation of walk in/walk out and pick up/put down.  He did not get as worked up and he settled quicker and slept longer.

I will continue doing this the next few days - would you recommend I eventually start leaving the room while he is still awake or wait until he is asleep as I did today?

Thanks!

[Haribo2012]

That's a great update. Hope it continues  id just move the chair or yourself nearer the door every few days x