Author Topic: I don't know what to do anymore, nothing is working! PLEASE HELP!  (Read 1136 times)

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Offline MomOfOne26

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Hello everyone, I found this forum doing some research, and I am desperate at this point. Let me give you a little background.

We bought our first house this past December 2016 and we've been living there ever since, my daughter was 2.5 yrs old at the time and she adapted well to the situation, we decorated her room the way she liked it, fresh pink paint, bought her a new disney princess bedroom set, princesses comforter, stuffed animals everywhere, Mickey, Minnie, Goofie, you get the point by now, her room is very welcoming and cozy. She was sleeping there every night and all night for the first 2 months. My husband works at night, so I would sleep with her in her room on the days he had to work nightshifts.

Now, I made the mistake of putting her in our bed so that i could watch some TV the days my husband worked, and whenever she got sick, she would sleep in between us two. She got used to this routine and continued to sleep with us for maybe a month or two. Now I have been training her to go back to sleep in her own bed, I have been working on this for almost a month and a half, using the I think its called withdrawal method, i would read a story and then put her to bed, the first night was horrible, the second night was a bit easier, and so on. But we were still getting late night visits, she would come to our room and sneak in our bed, we dont even hear her walking to our room anymore as we are so tired, until the next morning when we see her there in between us again.

She's been going to the same daycare since she was 5 months old, this week, on Monday, we changed her to another daycare, and she wakes up everyday crying calling for her old teacher, and now, I am back to having sleeping problems again, I feel like i am starting from ZERO, she went back to not wanting to sleep in her bed unless I lay down with her, I am thinking that maybe the transaction from one daycare to the other has affected her bedtime routine as well.

Yesterday was the only day that she went to sleep without crying, at 8:30 p.m. and without me being in the room, I would check on her after 5 minutes and so, and it was PERFECTLY fine, I thought, hey maybe we are back to normal! But then when i Went to bed at 10:30 p.m. she woke up and walked into my room, crying and refusing to go back to hers, I laid down with her and she would still not want to sleep in her room, in her bed, she would sit on her bed and point to my bedroom's direction. I kept ignoring her and trying to sleep, she cried, I would just cuddle her to comfort her.

I need your help, I am not sure how to stop late night visits, her refusing to sleep in her own bed, I have been trying to sleep train her for a month and a half and i feel like i have not accomplished anything! It's been months since the last time she slept through the night, she requires me to be there all the time, I am exhausted, I don't know what to do! She will be 3 this August.

Thanks.

Offline ginger428

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Re: I don't know what to do anymore, nothing is working! PLEASE HELP!
« Reply #1 on: June 17, 2017, 20:21:52 pm »
Hi MomofONe... welcome to BW! We are happy to hold your hand and be as supportive as possible.

I know this is a tough and exhausting phase.  When my bub goes through these things I always take a deep breath and try to remember that to him, his whole word has been rocked/changed and he needs my support to help him feel secure and comfortable again.  There probably isn't a quick fix to this, which makes it tough on us, but worth the security and confidence our children will end up having... which leads to good sleep!

So first step is to check your emotions. If she senses you are anxious and impatient, she will cling harder. I say this with total empathy as I know it is not easy. I will literally walk out of a room, throw a silent tantrum, compose myself and be there for my DS the way he needs. Does that make sense?

In terms of how to practically move forward, I suggest helping her process what has been going on.  Wanting to sleep with you is probably secondary to what she's going through emotionally, so that will come after addressing the current change in day care. Are there pictures of the old teacher? I would actually name and discuss her emotions... use smiley faces, words, pictures, etc... to help validate her sadness and loss that the old teacher is gone. Then move on to positives with the new teacher. Try to make some kind of positive memory.  This can take days to weeks, just depends on her.  You can certainly guide her along, introducing the positive memory, creating a positive experience, etc...

Do exercises about the daycare throughout the day... maybe not in a overtly dramatic style, but a down on her level (eye level, too), matter of fact, I hear you, you are feeling this way, I am here, I will hug you and we will get through this sort of way.  Meanwhile, I would stick to your usual routine and being with her in the evening, and cuddling her to comfort her as needed until you truly sense she has gotten passed the day care change.  So, every time she calls for you, go to her immediately and say I'm here, I will always be here and will come back if you need... some phrase like that that will reassure her you're not going anywhere.  When she comes into your room, welcome her and say, I'm happy to give you cuddles in your bed and make it a positive experience to go back into bed.

Hope that helps.. let us know what you think . Xo