Cluster feeding and falling asleep at the breast

[Tabyria]

Hi,

My LO is 14weeks and she still cluster feeds in the evenings. She's an efficient feeder, usually eats in 15min max during the day and never falls asleep on the breast anymore. She settles mostly by herself for naps and bedtime.

However in the evenings now she's started doing a long feed of 45min. When she detaches I burp her, sing a lullaby and put her into her cot. She then often cries until I pick her up and put her back on the breast. There she eats easily for another 30/45min, more or less energetically, eyes closed, like proper cluster feeding behaviour.
I've now started keeping her with us after the burp and put her back on the breast and she happily eats again after the break so it's real need to feed, not anger at being in bed.

My questions are:
1. Is this indeed real need or have we created a comfort habit? She does swallow, more or less energetically as I said, falling slightly asleep then suddenly sucking and swallowing with frenzy so I think she needs it and I shouldn't try to curve it.
2. But then she tends to fall asleep on the breast! I try to keep her awake and detach her when she slows down but it's very hit and miss and every other day I end up putting her to bed asleep now. I just don't have the heart to wake her up on purpose, especially as she's so tired by then that waking her really makes her scream. If I continue to teach her good self settling habits for naps etc, do we think that's ok? I've never fed her to sleep except during newborn stage when there's nothing else to do.

Also, I'm starting to find it a bit lonely as we're doing a routine starting at 7.30pm and that means I'm in bed, with lights low by 8am, feeding her until 10pm. We don't have any evening. We're trying to progressively bring bedtime earlier but in the meantime I think it's better if I swallow my frustration and focus on a quiet routine for her, instead of doing the cluster feeding in front of a film in the living room, right?

Thanks.for your opinions!

[*Ali*]

Hi so sorry for the delay in responding.

It's absolutely fine to feed to sleep at bedtime. No need to have any A time after that feed or any night feeds. There is a hormone called oxytocin in your milk, especially in the night, which sends your baby to sleep. Many babies have a long lazy feed in the evening. It won't last forever. It's up to you if you want to persevere with the dark room and bedtime routine. Personally I would rather do it in the living room with the TV on or chatting to my husband than spend hours upstairs. I have a 14wo also and that's exactly what we do. While she is able to sleep on me in the light and noise I intend to stick with it. There is plenty of time to change it and do a more calming routine when she gets more bothered by the light and noise. As Tracy used to say, "It isn't a problem until it's a problem" so if you're both happy, carry on. SIDS recommendations actually advise baby sleeps in the same room as a parent for all sleeps including daytime naps. I only take my baby to the bedroom when I go to bed myself.

I'm betting the fact she's going down awake for daytime naps will help when you're ready to start putting her to bed earlier.

[Tabyria]

Hi Ali,
I didn't reply immediately but thanks a lot for your message. It's interesting because I thought bedtime routine was such a key aspect from early on. As a FTM I suspect I'm far too focused on "doing it right" ahah and will relax over time. She's 19 weeks now and we've managed to bring bedtime earlier (from 10pm to 8.30pm). She can be very easily distracted now, so staying in a low light environment really helps. But it's a lot more manageable now that it's only for 1h or so! 
Your take on long evening feed/falling asleep at the breast in the evening was very reassuring! I really thought the "drowsy but awake" applied at bedtime too. We have it more and more often but it's sometimes hard when she gets so relaxed with the last feed of the day. Nice to hear it's not something to fix
All the best with your little one!