Author Topic: Stall tactics and separation anxiety??  (Read 248 times)

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Offline LaraAndrea

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Stall tactics and separation anxiety??
« on: February 03, 2019, 18:05:30 pm »
Hello, it has been awhile but I am back for some advice or maybe just support...

My LO is 27 months now. She has really escalated  the stall tactics before nap and bedtime. I was expecting this type of behaviour at this stage but for the past 4-5 days it is followed by... Separation anxiety?!??

Once we do get her into bed she will not let go of me and she screams and cries. She desperately claws at me, holds on tight. She screams sooo hard she gags and coughs.

We have had short lived bouts of separation anxiety at different stages, but never this desperate.

Is this normal? Do we just ride it out? Other tips?

Offline deb

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Re: Stall tactics and separation anxiety??
« Reply #1 on: February 04, 2019, 00:30:18 am »
For behavior that extreme, especially a relatively sudden onset, I'd be looking at illness or pain of some sort. 2-year molars? Ear infection?

For the moment I'd ride it out, give lots of cuddles and then some. Try some pain meds maybe 20 minutes before bed, see if it makes a difference; if it does, you have a clue that something else is amiss that a doctor might be needed for. Can she "nap" in your bed, the two of you take a snooze together? Or read a book together and just cuddle if she's ending her need for a nap? (on of mine was getting there at this age, the other had already given them up at 18 mo  ::) )

Also, is it just you she grabs for?

Offline LaraAndrea

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Re: Stall tactics and separation anxiety??
« Reply #2 on: February 04, 2019, 01:24:15 am »
I think you are right about the extreme aspect. She has been sick with cold/cough/fever for a few days.

Her reaction was not as extreme tonight, more annoying stall tactics. She was clearly so tired! She even said she was tried. Prior to this she would ask to go to bed/nap earlier if she was tired. But still sitting on the toilet for 30 mins trying to waste time.

It is worse with me, but if my husband or my parents put her down, she does it to them too. (Maybe not the extreme screaming... Which as you said may just coincidentally happened due to illness)

I don't think she is ready to drop nap yet, but when she is healthy again I may have to cap it at 90 min (currently 2h)

I do not know how you all find the patience for this...

Offline deb

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Re: Stall tactics and separation anxiety??
« Reply #3 on: February 05, 2019, 13:46:01 pm »
I do not know how you all find the patience for this...

My "baby" is 13.5YO now, and my eldest just turned 17...I had to develop it somewhere along the line just to keep functioning.  :D

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Re: Stall tactics and separation anxiety??
« Reply #4 on: February 05, 2019, 15:18:08 pm »
I do not know how you all find the patience for this...
I found reminding myself that everything was a phase and wouldn't last forever helped a bit.  That and trying to have DH deal with things too, getting some "me" time, and time out from parenting.

((hugs)) it is a really tough job.  Make sure you get some time out for yourself too xx
DD1 - 8 years old
DD2 - 5 years old

Offline nwmm

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Re: Stall tactics and separation anxiety??
« Reply #5 on: February 06, 2019, 00:56:48 am »
17!  Say it ainít so, Deb!  Hope all is well.

Offline Katet

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Re: Stall tactics and separation anxiety??
« Reply #6 on: February 06, 2019, 05:22:20 am »
Increasingly the ability not to get too frustrated by it comes from being able to remind yourself that 1) they aren't doing it to make life difficult 2) I comes from an unfilled need/change or problem that they can't cope with & 3) we are all on different paths and as the parent if we don't help ourselves learn coping skills when we hit the bumps and hurdles how can we help our children with them and 4) these moments are a good time to stop and think maybe this is telling me to slow down and spend time with them in the hard moments to show them we listen when they struggle even if we can't solve the problem
dc1 July 03, dc2 May 05

Offline LaraAndrea

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Re: Stall tactics and separation anxiety??
« Reply #7 on: February 20, 2019, 22:12:16 pm »
Thanks everyone!