2w old, confusion about sleep time!

[Manu88]

Hi everyone, I recently became a dad and am trying to follow the EASY routine with my 2 week old baby.

I really don't know what to do about bedtime because he always falls asleep after breastfeeding and there is no way to wake him up. I have tried everything but he continues to sleep unperturbed, skipping the activity phase.
So I decide to change him and at the exact moment I am about to open his diaper he wakes up and has no intention to sleep anymore.
This frustrates me a lot because when I try to wake him up he doesn't open his eyes while he suddenly wakes up when I use soft hands.
Sometimes, however, I manage to wake him up after the meal and he stays active for a few minutes (sometimes more than 1 hour) and then falls asleep easily when he starts to show the first signs of tiredness.
What should I do?

He starts yawning so it's obvious he's tired and wants to sleep so I swaddle him in a muslin and help him calm down with the sshhh-pat method but as soon as I put him in the crib he starts to make grimaces with his tongue and mouth because of his bowel movements.
I also think that breastfeeding tires him out a lot because of the oral exercise.
Sometimes my girlfriend lets him fall asleep after the feeding and this bothers me because it does not respect the natural succession of the phases expected by EASY. It seems that this EASY is not so easy... Or maybe it is me who is too strict.
Other times, my girlfriend tries to get him to fall asleep in her arms and I' m afraid this may lead to him developing dependencies on external help.

I guess I am in total confusion. Has anyone had the same experience and know how to guide me?

Thank you very much

[Katet]

I think you are trying too hard with a two week old baby.

A lot of research has changed since the BW books were written and the idea of EASY is great, but respect for your baby and their natural rhythms when they are under 3months old is far more important.

There is nothing wrong with letting a baby sleep in your arms after a feed, the problem is when it's the only way they will sleep because they have never had a chance to fall asleep any other way.
Also a little bit of grunting and whimpering can be part of how a baby falls asleep, so don't expect them to just switch off with no noise.

Honestly I'm going to say the biggest mistake you can make as a parent is to worry about 'geeting it wrog' or 'making them dependent' because the thing you need to do is show them they are loved and YOU ARE dependable no matter what and by a parent trying to do everything by the book, you make the mistake of not parenting the child you have...which is actually more 'wrong' because you don't understand your child and makes it hard to have unconditional love, if you feel the child isn't conforming to the ideal the book has for you.

My suggestion would be that by 6 weeks your baby probably will wake up after feeds far more than not  but for now just enjoy your baby and don't force an awake time.

[Manu88]

Thanks for the reply!

Well... if it was for me I'd let him fall asleep in my arms and on my chest every time but this would be wrong I guess. My frustration now that he tends to stay awake a bit more after feeding is that whenever I see him yawning I bring him to the bedroom and wrap him up. Starting that moment he becomes wide awake and overly excited about everything he sees. So we wind him a bit and calm him until he closes his eyes and then he wakes up 10 mins and starts to make funny faces and becomes all red in the face like he's trying to move the bed with the force of his mind!

I understand I am a bad parent but whenever he cries I'm always there to pick him up and try to understand what's the matter, but sometimes it's so frustrating and that's why I wanted to keep an EASY routine, so that I could predict and understand in some way his problem.