Toddler Sleep with new Baby

[Mia and Lily's Mom]

OK, so I  know exactly why dd's sleep is totally messed (she got a little sister 1 week ago), what I don't know is how to handle it and not totally loose all the independent sleep that we have had with her.

She used to go to bed, we read a book say good night and she went to sleep, now she insists that somebody lay down in bed with her,  or sit on the side of the bed and it takes her 45m- 1.5 hours to just fall asleep.  She also wakes up again once a night and the whole thing starts all over again.  Of course most of the time she really wants mommy but of course chances are that I am bf the new little one and cannot come.  Last night dh got so worn out at 4:00 am that he ended up sleeping in her room on the pullout bed. 

Help, I don't want to start a whole new bad pattern, but we all need to get some sleep around here.  My mom is staying with us right now so at least there are 3 of us, but she is leaving in another week and then it will just be me and him.

I know some of you have gone through this as well, what is the best way to handle it?

TIA, we are all working on about 3 hours of sleep last night so our whole house is full of walking zombies :-)

[marlowho]

Ours wasn't really as bad as what you're describing, but Madeline definitely went through a little bit of this.  What have you done in the past?  Did you do pick up/put down?  I say this b/c with Madeline, if we slept in her bed with her even one night, she expected it every nap and bedtime.  And we didn't want to get into that habit.  So... we had to just be firm that we wouldn't sleep with her.  But we would spend a long time winding down for bed in her room,reading books, talking about the day,etc... 
Also, wondering- do you have some sort of white noise to drown out the cries of the new baby?  We started this and it made a big difference.  But if Madeline seemed really sad, then I would just sit in her room and nurse the baby for a little while(if that's why I couldn't be in there to help her go down for the nap) and then DH would come in and read to her/snuggle for a minute, then let her go down for nap or bed on her own.    If she was sleeping well before, she will again.  And if you do end up sleeping with her a little bit to get through this crazy time, so what.  Do what's best for you and what works.
Congrats on your new baby!

[Mia and Lily's Mom]

Thanks for the tips, to tell you the truth we really haven't had to do much of anything in the past, Mia has been a great sleeper (I know, spoiled :-)), and we would read books, sing at night and then tell her good night and she would go straight to bed. 
I think we might have figured out one thing over the last two days, daddy has much more luck putting her in bed and making her stay there than mommy does so we have been letting daddy put her to bed and that seemed to help some.
I have also started just nursing the new one all over the house (instead of upstairs in her room), this way Mia at least doesn't feel that I am constantly "gone" with the baby.
I guess this is all normal behavior, I just feel bad that I don't get to spend as much time with Mia anymore and she seems to feel like she is being left behind :-(.

I know if the long run this will all work out and they two of them will be, hopefully, great friends, so deep breath and we will just take it one day at a time :-)

[marlowho]

It might happen even sooner than you think!  Those first few weeks are rough!  And you do feel like you are constantly "gone" from your dd#1.  In a sense, you are, because you're not there like you used to be.  But she will get used to the new transition soon.  Madeline has totally surprised me with how well she's accustomed now to having the baby around.  I do get requests from time to time to "put the baby to bed now, Mommy?" but for the most part, she's happy to have a little sister. 
But, like you, I can't wait for them to be able to play together and be "buds." 
It is such a hard transition from 1 to 2 isn't it?!

[jessica and emilys mummy]

Hi,I went through this with Jessica (3) when Emily (18mnths) was born.Bedtime was exactly the same as you.We put fluffy fairy lights in her bedroom on a timer and read a book (or 5) downstairs before bed.Then gave lots of cuddles when she went to bed.If she got out of bed we would turn the fairy lights off until she got back into bed.Now the lights are still there and even after 18 months the threat of them being turned off is enough if she gets out of bed.(very rare now).The worst time we had was when I was bfing Emily ,Jessica would stand in front of me and scream for cuddles,which would make me cry.In the end my health visitor said to calmly tell her that I am feeding Emily and will be with her as soon as I have finished.Worked liked a treat.
The first month is definately the worst,but gets much better.
Take care
Sarah

[Nate'sMommy]

Hi Mia's mom - remember me?  I think we spoke a bit BEFORE our lives were turned upside down!  I am here to report, that while not perfect, we are turning a corner.  Ian 8 weeks today, we began to see light a couple weeks ago.  Let me tell you what happened...

A week after he came home (and subsequently, Daddy returned to work), Nate's sleep went from bad to worse.  The fighting bed time escalated, demands for someone to now be IN the room or IN the bed with him started (like you, we NEVER did that before, but as you will recall , we had all kinds of drama for the end of my pregnancy) and we started getting a nightly wake up, EVERY NIGHT he wanted to be in our bed.  We tried to fight it by putting him back, over and over, but after 3 or 4 nights and several where I swear, we all only got like 3-4 hours of sleep because of it, we gave up.  For the next 5 weeks he came in every night.  We made room and dealt with it as best as we could.  Trust me, it SUCKED to do this with a bfing baby in the same bed/bassinette, but it was the only way for me to TRY to get at least 5 hours of sleep a night.
Bribery didn't work, at first.  But one night at about 6 weeks he (accidentally) stayed in bed all night and I took him straight to TRU for a new Rescue Hero.  (which he still talks about).
At the same time, I moved Ian to his crib where HE now sleeps longer and better.  All of the drama of people in the room was not working for him (he is a classic Touchy baby, some spirited, but mostly all touchy - more on that HELL later!)  Ian sleeps from 9-3am, at least, and then till 8 or 9am.  I am getting more sleep that EVER!  And, since the move, Nate comes in still, but maybe only 2 times a week.  Although it is still normal, it was and could be so much worse.
I am SURE we will still have issues as we go; I am a sleep Nazi and this is where I spend all my time worrying and stressing, but I had to tell you, there is hope.  Trust me, I had NONE at the stage you are at.  Let me know if you would like to talk over email or anything sometime.  (Sorry this is so long!)

[Mia and Lily's Mom]

Darn, I was really hoping that you guys had some magic solution to this problem  :lol: .

Thanks for just reinforcing that this is very normal behavior and that eventually it will get better. (Of course being only 2 weeks into it, the 6 weeks mark seems really far off  :wink: ).

We have tried bribery as well, but I really think that they are just a little too young for it to really understand the concept.  So far, what seemed to have helped a little is to have dd#1 go back to daycare at least every other day for a few hours, it seems to have put some more normalcy into her schedule and she is a lot more tired at night (ie less time sitting in her room :-)).

Anyway, keep the suggestions coming, of course now dd#2 is starting to have gas issues and won't sleep much during the day, but that is a totally different post.

Thanks again ladies.

[Nate'sMommy]

OH, I can so relate.  I feel like a first time mom all over again as DS2 has been a 180 degree different child from DS1.  We have had every issues in the book this time  - breastfeeding problems (rapid letdown, too much milk, choking, gagging, refluxing), lactose overload (bloating, gas, cramps, explosive, acidic poo's that burned him bum), sleep issues, you name it.  Did I mentiong that he is a major touchy!!!  How different is that from DS 1 who was a textbook/angel.!?!?
If you want, email me at kelli_shuster@hotmail.com and we can chat further about what is going on with your new little one too.
The problem of the day is fighting those darn 30 or 45 mintue naps, ALL DAY LONG.  I feel like my entire day is spent putting down, or attempting to keep this one down.  I long for the days of a nap schedule, and perhaps, 2 that nap at the same time.  Is Mia still napping? 

BTW, DS1 doesn't really get the bribery thing either but he is now trained to say at least, "mommy I stay in big boy bed till six oh oh and get Gil Gripper guy and spider man jammies"  It's very cute!

Good luck!