Help - constant crying/lack of sleep - long

[EllieLock]

My dd Nyah has stopped sleeping properly. She is 23 days old.  She was going down at 7, waking at 10, then around 2:30 and around 6. Now she starts crying as soon as she is put down, if not a little earlier, and last night wailed until 1:30am. Just about non stop from 6:30. She started again this evening and I'm in floods of tears and hubby has got in a snot and taken her out in the car.  Dunno what to do really. <sigh> We did think she had colic at one stage and used colief but stopped about 4 days ago. Started her back on them this evening but if it is that they haven't worked yet.

She started crying tonight when I put her down directly after feeding (I  fed for around 40 minutes as usual) so I'm pretty sure that despite all the routing she isn't hungry.  She has clean nappy, clean suit, she's burped (and sicked).  Dunno what else she needs/wants and it's driving me insane

Also, when we had this before swaddling seemed to help her sleep.  When she's like this she gets herself so wound up that she gets really hot, and it's hot anyway in the house in the weather so I'm concerned she's going to over heat.

Pat/shushing doesn't help.  Picking her up doesn't help.  Sometimes we can soothe her by walking about, or cuddling her but she'll scream as soon as she's put down.  Sometimes she stops and seems to drift off, but then her eyes just ping open and she starts screaming again.

I don't know what to do and I just feel a crap mother to not know what she wants or how to soothe her.  There are times when I just can't believe I went into this willingly.

She's been fine during the day.  Wouldn't go down for her morning nap (screamed a bit then too), but has been asleep in her car seat whilst at the park etc.

Any advice would be appreciated please.
Thanks in advance,
Ellie - exhausted.

[Johno & Aurelias Mum]

Hi

I think you might be on the right thing with the colic - or reflux.  Check out the boards here on that and keep on with the Colief or Infacol.  Some of the things you've said, like crying when lying down, sleeping in the car seat sound familiar.

Keep swaddling but just use a sheet and have her just in her vest and nappy then she won't get too hot.

The other thing is don't keep chopping and changing what you are doing.  I know when you don't know what the problem is, you try this, then try that etc etc but you have to rule out medical problems and the obvious then be consistent in your approach.

HTH

[Erin (redstarfalling)]

Ellie - I really feel for you!  You've been having such a hard time with your nipples and now this - they don't tell you that babies can be so complicated when you're pregnant, do they? 

Colic or reflux may be a problem, and your poor lo is probably also now overtired because she's been fighting all her sleeps.  I was also wondering if she's hungry - even though she's on for a while, when she does feed, can you see/hear her swallowing at all?  Sometimes with a lot of stress and fatigue, you can have a dip in your milk supply, and if she's not getting quite enough, she won't want to sleep.  If it's reflux, some moms find it really helpful to prop them up to sleep, either in a bouncy chair, strapped into a carseat, or raise one end of their mattress (with the pillows UNDER the mattress so she won't smother).

The other thing I found helpful when my lo was screaming for hours on end (especially in the evening) was to either carry her in a Bjorn or baby sling - the motion seemed to help and she was upright, or use the techniques from the Happiest Baby on the Block.  His 5 S's mimic the feelings in the womb and are:
1 - swaddling (a TIGHT swaddle - even if your house is hot - use a very thin sheet over just a diaper)
2 - side or stomach lying - hold her in your arms on her side or on her stomach, while swaddled.
3 - swinging - swing or rock her (there's sort of a"head jiggle" that worked for us - really really small quick rocks - making sure not to shake her or have her head move too much - looked a bit like Jellp or the way she moves in a moving car
4 - shushing - shh next to her ear, louder than her cries
5 - sucking - stick breast, paci or clean thumb (yours) in her mouth to suck.

You do these steps sequentially, adding one to the next. I found that it could calm my dd to sleep in about 2 min, but sometimes I'd have to keep it up for a while!  :oops: PM me if you want more info or help on this.

It DOES get better, Ellie!  For a while I thought I would go mad, but my dd finally outgrew this phase (she didn't have reflux or colic - she was just chronically overtired and fussy).  You're a great mom though - you're doing your best and some babies are just more challenging!!  We're here for you!

[Lucysmom]

Ellie -

Just wanted to chime in to say that you are doing a great job and it is indeed VERY hard to be a mom.  I also have felt MANY times that I had no idea what I signed up for!  I am so happy that Redstarfalling gave you the info from Happiest Baby on the Block as that is exactly what I would recommend.  It really does work.  Many times the only way I can calm my dd down (10 weeks) is swaddling, putting her on her side, and rocking her on my legs.  I really would recommend getting the book ASAP as it really explains the techniques.  Also there is a DVD/Video that you can get that is just as helpful and might be better to get considering your sleep deprived state!  The name of the author is Dr. Harvey Karp. 

I hope things get better soon for you.  Please continue to post and I know the wonderful ladies on this site will be there for you with great advice and hugs.  That being said, HUGS to you from me!   

Melissa

[thodder]

It does sound like reflux or colic.  have you brought her to the doctor's to see if he/she can help?  I know when my LO was crying all the time the dr. really helped.

You are doing great, and hang in there.  Yhe crying won't last forever.  :-)

Theressa

[EllieLock]

Thanks for the support guys, will look into the book that you mention.  She's been on the drops for 2 days now, the first night was hell, the second night slightly better, and tonight she went down at 7:30, fingers crossed it continues.  Especially since Saturday night is our first anniversary and hubby is worried about leaving his mum looking after her when she's so inconsolable.  We just want to pop out for a couple of hours for a meal, so fingers crossed it works out.

I've also been re-reading the sleep section in Tracys book and have made a couple of small changes which I'm hoping will help too.

Cheers,
Ellie

[herbst99]

Hi there
Dr.Karp also mentioned using a HAIR DRYER or static on the radio - This was the SOLUTION that got Lise asleep (sometimes I did not even have to do the other steps ... just start up the hairdryer) This also helps in blocking out sounds in the house (guests, garbage truck etc.) and help her STAY asleep. She is now 5mths and we don't have any more problems ... Hope all goes well

[hturk]

Good Grief Ellie!

You could be writing about my daughter! I'm on the forums looking for a solution right now. I use the 5 S's from Karp faithfully, but there are some times when even that doesn't seem to work.She only seems happy when sucking at the bottle, and as long as I keep her upright and snuggle her, she's content then. But put her down for her nap? Screaming within 10 min, even with the shush-put, the PU/PD, or the swing. There are a few times when she'll settle in the swing for my husband or in  carry sling for me - but these are exceptions. One of the posts mentionned medication for colic or reflux... do these work? I'm getting desperate - haven't slept more than 2hours for the last 10 days of her 4-weeks of life. Sigh. Any suggestions would be helpful. I just hate feeling so helpless in the face of her upset...

[Erin (redstarfalling)]

hturk - have you checked the reflux 101 post on the colic, reflux and crying board?  It might ring some bells for you....

[christiewi]

Oh man...reading this post brings back so many memories for me.  My son is 12 weeks old today.  12 weeks...the magic number I kept reading/hearing about when we were in the exact same boat as you 2 months back.  For us it started right at about 3 weeks too...I think that's when they decide to wake up! :-)  First of all, I want to offer you support and hugs, as I absolutely know how difficult it is.  Sometimes I swear I thought I wanted to turn back the clock and change my mind about this whole children idea.  Noah was extremely colicky.  Some days he would sleep for 3 hours in the entire 24 hour period, just crying and crying and crying.  It's sooo hard to think that you would do anything to help them, but nothing quite seems to work!!!  I had to have my mom fly in from out of town MULTIPLE times to allow me to get out of the house for an hour or take a nap, otherwise I think I would be dead right now!!  And I had many people who empathized with me...but the hardest part was that everyone also said all I could really do was wait it out.  Until the 12 week mark. ;-)  Well, I am happy to report that by 8 weeks he was an entirely different baby, and now he is smiling and laughing up a storm.  And my best friend has a son who is 9 weeks now and was the same way.  She just called me this morning to say he has turned the corner and is a completely different baby.  All smiles!!  So, it DOES get better, SO much better...the most amazing blessing EVER!!!  I know right now thinking of week 8 is an ETERNITY, but I promise, somehow the minutes will turn into hours and the hours into days, and it will be here soon enough!!  We'll be here for you until then!!

That being said, once we finally got Noah to sleep for a few hours to catch up on how ridiculously overtired he was we were able to figure out a few tricks.  The one and only thing that worked for us (thanks, Mom!!) was to take him into a room with no windows (for us it was the bathroom), shut the door, turn on the fan, AND the faucet, AND the shower (I know...seems overboard, but we would do ANYTHING!!!), hold him, and rock him back and forth.  Though it seemed like forever, it took about 15 minutes to get him to quiet down and fall asleep that first time, and within a few times he would fall asleep in less than a minute!  No joke!  I know, it seems like a prop, but at this point, you just need to do what you need to do to SURVIVE.  Thriving is not an option yet, if you're anything like me!! ;-)  So, we did that to get him caught up on his sleep, which did help soooo much, and then I was able to regain my sanity a bit and figure out how to start getting him back on track.  The more consistent our routine was the better he got, too.  Speaks volumes for The Baby Whisperer method, I think.

So, I really hope that one of the tricks above works for you, and just know that we are here for you!!!!  And you are a WONDERFUL mother, and YOU WILL MAKE IT THROUGH THIS!!!!  By 8 weeks Noah was sleeping 8-5 (feed), then back down till 8 and smiling even more than I do (which is a lot!  .  Not a day goes by that my husband and I don't look at him in awe and say "What happened?!?  Do you remember how it was?!" And although we do, it's fading fast, just like everyone says it will...

Best of luck!!  Keep us posted!

[Nicole-Momtomegan]

Oh Ellie.....My Erika did this also. Around 3wks old became a bit of a nightmare...but like Christie said above...by 8wks was alot better and now at 16wks is absolutely fabulous!!! she did have  a really hard time from 3-8wks...LOTS OF CrYING...no naps, lots of wakeups...and wouldn't go to sleep without screaming!
Like Christie...I also had to go into a bathroom, turn on the fan, off the lights so it is PITCH black! they get very easily overstimulated so you need to take away all visual stimulation (hence the black room) and lots of white noise!
we also ordered a sleepbear with white noise machine in it for Erika..we still put it in her crib for naps and bedtime. distracts her and helps her fall asleep!
Hang in there...it gets better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!