Screaming at bedtime (long problem!)

[graces]

Hi All,
I'm about at my wits end just now and really need a plan to follow - it's all so confusing getting advice from all over the place, I think we're mixing it up too much and making things worse.

My daughter is almost 2 years old, and about 5 weeks ago was able to climb out of the cot - before this she would go to bed at 8pm and sleep through till about 7 or 8am, maybe with half an hour in our bed before we all got up.

Anyway, once she could get out of the cot obviously it wasn't safe to use it in case she fell out, so she had to sleep in our bed till we got her own bed sorted.  This is where our problems started.  Because she wasn't in the cot she knew she could get up and walk around so we closed the bedroom door which would result in her screaming the place down and us running up the stairs to put her back to bed - at this point I didn't see the point in trying a routine as I knew the situation was temporary.

So now she's in her own bed... almost!  She seems to love her bedroom, but she will not sleep in the bed.  At the moment, when I put her down she'll ask for a story, so I start to read and she'll get out of bed and wander round the room, so I warn her that I'll only read the story if she's in bed, so she get's back in and starts singing/talking/kicking the wall etc etc... so it goes on like this for a bit... then I tell her the story is finished and sit for a while (she'll probably repeat the above, walking/singing/talking etc.), so then I leave her and a few minutes later she get's out of bed and screams the place down.  She doesn't stop either - the longest I've been able to leave her is about 15-20 mins, and when I finally went in she was shaking and sobbing so hard I thought she'd make herself sick.

Last night it was 1am before she fell asleep, and was up again at 4am and again at 5am, then at 7am we let her into our bed.  The last 2 nights were similar, it seems to be getting worse.

I tried telling her I'd be back in 2 mins, but she stands at the door screaming for me or daddy the minute we leave - she wants us to sit or lie with her and hold her hand.

She's been a model sleeper since the day she was born so we aren't used to not sleeping - I'm totally knackered, please help!!

[Matthew's Mommy]

A couple things you can do..

1. The chair method-- sit by her bed. Each night, you move the chair 1 foot away. If she gets out of her bed, put her back in.

2. Leave the room. If she gets out of her bed, put her back in. If she leaves the room, then bring her back.

Whatever you choose to do, be consistent, setting the limit and following through. If you waiver and allow her back into your bed.. you will erase all the work that you have done. Yes she will cry and scream and fight it. But you gotta stick it out and see it through if you want changes to happen.

Hope this helps,

[jessica and emilys mummy]

Hi.I remember my dd #1 doing that.In the end we put fluffy fairy lights up.They were set on a timer so they would go off about 12 midnight.I would read her a story and then if she got out of bed we would turn her fairy lights off.It took a while,that and basically just putting her back into bed without saying anything,although she was more upset about the lights. :?
We started that when she was about 28 months as she'd just gone into a big bed.
She is now 4 and the threat of the lights being turned off is all it takes if she gets out of bed.They are now on all night ,after a few dodgy weeks of waking during the night, but I can cope with that.
If this is any help to you please let me know.
Sarah

[graces]

Hi again,

We're kind of using the chair method, but I have a couple of problems with it...
I can't get away from being right next to the bed, even a few inches and she's crawling out of the bed to get to me.
Everytime I start putting her back to bed when she gets up, she starts laughing - I tried a stern voice but that didn't work so I do it silently now, but she thinks it's funny.

However I perservered and she went to sleep at 10:30 last night, which is a step up!  And after all this you'd think she'd sleep later but she's still up at 6:30am.  I would normally have let her into our bed this morning, but you're right I think that confuses her so we've stopped it.

Thanks for the suggestion about the fairy lights too - I think we'll go shopping at the weekend and let her choose some, at the very least it'll make her bedroom more personal, altho I'm not sure about leaving them on as I find she sleeps better in the dark.

Any more tips here are more than welcome.

[Lavinia]

Sarah,

What a fantastic idea - I'm going to order the lights on line tonight!
Lavinia