I'm so tired.... 12 mo doesn't fall asleep on own

[gaberaley]

I hope to keep this short, but I'm very tired and not sure I can be concise. My son, Benjamin, is used to getting put to sleep during the day and when wakes up during the night, by laying down next to one of us. He goes to sleep on his own at bedtime. We have travelled recently and he has started waking up at night, usually at 11:00, 4:00 and 6:00. I've always fed him at the 11:00 slot, and he nurses in bed at 6:00 a.m., falls asleep with me until 7:30 and is then up for the day. We try to just give him a pacifier at 4:00 but he many times refuses this and won't settle down until he nurses or has a bottle (he eats just a little; he's clearly not hungry at this waking). He takes two naps, one at 8:00 and one at around 2:00 and the same thing: he is used to us laying down with him (which one of us usually does as we're so exhausted from the night time) and so that's what he seems to need right now.

My question is: where do I begin to change this? I tried today to get him to go to sleep on his own for the 2:00 nap, which he sometimes is able to, and it was awful. For nearly two hours I did pu/pd when he would fuss, but he stuck it out, crying and sitting/standing up when I would leave. He didn't seem to tire out after hours of this and I finally just gave up. I laid down with him after two hours and he was asleep in a minute.

I know Tracy talks about baby steps, but I am clueless about what these would be in this instance. Some of my questions, for those more experienced than me, are:

Should we tackle day or night first, or do them both at once?
Should we be doing something other than pacifer, pu/pd?

I know there are many posts asking for help on sleep issues, but if anyone has a moment, I would be so grateful for the help.

GR

[Jaime]

hi there,

okay, here are my thoughts:

 :arrow: worry about the independent sleep first; you can take care of the paci later (my personal opinion!)

 :arrow: it does sound like he doesn't really need that 4am feed.  BUT, by you caving in and feeding him anyhow after 2 hours, you are merely reinforcing the behavior.  if you truly want to change it, you are going to need to commit to a plan and stick to it.  (i mean this way gentler than it sounds, i swear!)

 :arrow: if he's getting up at 7:30am then 8am sounds way too early for his first nap.  perhaps 9-9:30 would be better, and then keep the 2-2:30 nap in the same place.

 :arrow: as far as baby steps, you are not going to be able to leave him alone right off.  i would suggest an air mattress of some kind, and put it right next to his bed at first.  use pu/pd - really pd - if (when) he pops up, and then continue to lay on your mattress.  gradually, you will be able to move the mattress farther & farther, until it's out of his room.

this will take time.  he is going to fight you... probably a lot.  but if you stick to your guns, you will eventually see improvement.

good luck & HTH 

[momofjack2cam]

When I was reading your post I had to check the heading to make sure I wasn't reading my own story (haha!) I just wanted you to know that I am experiencing the exact same situation with my 7 mo old!!  I JUST got Tracy's book and am starting to try these things!  I have to change my own habits (feeding him too much at night and letting him nurse/sleep with me) before I can change his!  These are all things that I am begining to understand.  Good luck.  I'll let you know if I figure anything out!!

[Mckenna&Barrett's Mom]

Aack!  I know how you feel.

DD is 8 mths and wakes every 2-3 hours still.
And forget going to sleep alone.

Kim

[Mom2Jack]

Sounds too familiar!  My Jack is 14 months old, and last month we had to get tough, and it was very difficult.  (I hadn't slept basically in a year)  I thought we had been making progress, but I would regress (due to colds, exhaustion) back to laying down with him, in which case I would end up naping for several hours, so it just kept getting worse.  We chose to just try to ignore his wakings because if one of us went in and didn't pick him up he would freak out.  When we did decide to go in to check his diaper, etc. my husband would go, since I was the main cuddler.  He is doing much better, only waking breifly 1-2 times per night, and slept all the way through the other night (8pm-7am).  This is my first time at this site and the first posting I've read, so I'm probably doing this all wrong.  I just wanted to share my situation.  I'm sure I'll learn more as I read on...