Help Tweaking Pat/Shush Confidence Leaving Me

[CharlotteandCharlie]

Good Morning!

I have been doing pat/shush for three weeks now.  Up until a few days ago it was going well.  I know that you have the EXPECT relapses unfortunately with that my confidence has gone out the window.  Can someone help me tweak the process?

I wrap her, lay her in her crib, white noise on and try to pat her bottom when she is on her back.  This is doable when she is limp but not when she is angry and stiff.  So I pat her side (thigh).  These days she is crying so hard that she doesn't hear my shushing and she is twisting and arching I am sure the patting isn't being felt.  I am sure you all know that this is frustrating but I am determined to reach the goal of laying her down, kisses and walking away.

Any comments/confidence would be appreciated.

[CharlotteandCharlie]

I forgot... I wanted to focus on a victory.  After three weeks of getting up 2,3,4 times a night.  Charlie got up once at 4.  Eight hours straight.  I am delighted and feel well rested.

Thought I would share some positive and cross my fingers for tonight.

[JennŠ]

One of the things we tried was cupping one hand around the top of her head.  That seemed to help.  She has been a side sleeper most of her life, so there is a blanket roll behind her.  Much easier to pat the tush!  Have you tried gentle stroking instead of patting? Sometimes you just have to try a couple of different things.  It can get discouraging for a while.  The important thing is to keep at it, one day it will all click for her. She could be a bit overtired, maybe bedtime a few minutes earlier?  Happy dance that you got a full nights sleep :!:  :!:  :!:   It might not happen every night right away, but it will happen.  Sorry for the mild flight of ideas, one of the cats keeps trying to help me type. :roll: .  Hang in there!!  The two of you are doing just fine!!!!!!!!!

[CharlotteandCharlie]

Sorry for being dense but do you mean rocking in her crib or in the nursing chair? 

I have been able to rock her/relax her in the chair so her head can sway slightly back and forth.  This also works well if I dance a bit with her swaddled in my arms but I feel like I am cheating when I do this. 

Is it okay to do this till she is calm and then put her down and pat off to sleep after doing the accidental parenting stuff needed to get her calm?

[JennŠ]

Does not sound like cheating to me if she goes into the crib awake and falls asleep there.  Rocking?  I meant stroking.  That came to mind as I was petting the cat.  Seemed to help us sometimes.  Just a gentle stroking on the chest or back.

[CharlotteandCharlie]

Thank you very much.  I appreciate your help.

[CharlotteandCharlie]

Good Morning.

I have another question.  Last night and many other nights I am able to swaddle Charlie, kiss her head and walk away.  She will close her eyes and go to sleep. 

Is there a reason why she would fight the swaddle and pat/shush to much during the day?  Yesterday I had to take her for a drive for her evening cat nap because I couldn't bear to take one more fight.  It was wearing on me.  She crys so hard and fights so much. 

I had written before that she is five months old and barely makes 1 hour of A time before she turns to a bear so I have been trying to extend her to 1 hour 20/30.  Have I been trying for too much too soon?

Our nighttime waking goes, bf, burp, diaper, offer other side, burp, sit for a while to make sure their all out, and swaddle.  This is done by lamp light in quiet and in about 45 minutes.

Do I need a wind down routine for every nap?

Any suggestions would be very welcome.

[corrina01]

Can I push in with some suggestions.  Firstly can I ask if you would mind posting your schedule.

Do you have any winddown routine at all?

My DD was like that at 5 months could barely stay awake for 1.15hr total including her feeding.

[CharlotteandCharlie]

I don't think I do.  I read some threads yesterday that made me think that perhaps I should but I don't know what that could be.  She is fussy most of the day with a small A time window of happiness. 

I also read yesterday that EASY doesn't mean that you feed them after they wake up.  I am/was doing that because of the order but her naps are usually only 40 mins or less so she is getting fed alot.  No 3 or 4 hour EASY here.  But I think I have a better understanding now.

Throughout the day it looks like this ...

bf, burp and sit for a bit
activity time = singing playing laying on her back walking around the house
starts to rub her eyes, or just gets so she is unhappy unless being carried and moving around the house.
nap time. 
wake after 40 mins (we are working on wake to sleep which is going well)
bf and so on

This takes place all day and in 1 hour to 1 1/2 incrimints.


Thanks for your help.

[CharlotteandCharlie]

I wanted to mention that when we are trying for a nap she crys so hard and squirms so much she is dripping with sweat.  I get worried when she sleeps that she is overheated and cold when the excitment is over.   This is frustrating for both of us.

I am pretty sure I have a spirited/grumpy baby.

[corrina01]

I will post my schedule if you want me to that is the same as when she was 5 months.  Work on the naps first trying to extend them? Let me get this right you are bf when she wakes up or a little after she wakes up every say 1.30hr?

I have got so many questions I want to ask I don't know where to start.  Has she been like this for the whole 5 months?

[CharlotteandCharlie]

Please ask away.

I am bf mostly when she wakes up.  I read the BW book when I was pregnant on the commute to work and misunderstood EASY.  I had no idea they didn't sleep for 1 or 2 hours.  How obserd!   :lol: So yes I do feed her about every 1.5 hours.  If she wakes happy and doesn't seem to need to eat then I don't until she roots for gets mad but usually I put her on when she wakes up.

She/we have been like this the entire 5 months.  I keep waiting for things to get better both her needs and my parenting.

Your schedule would be very welcome.

[corrina01]

Oh you poor mum.

I started on EASY at 8 weeks, I found it very rewarding for both my DD and I.

My DD is bottle fed, as I had a problem with bf, as she was a premmie by 3 weeks and very small, couldn't latch on.

My schedule as it is is roughly the same as it was for my DD at 5 months.

I am on a 3.5hr EASY because it works for us as she can now only stay awake for 1.50hr to 2hrs

7am Feed.
between 8.40 and 9am Nap for 1.30mins.
10.30 Feed.  Solids 2tbsp and bottle
12  Nap for 2 hrs
2pm  Feed.  Bottle.
between 3.45 and 4pm nap for 45 mins
5pm  Feed Solids and bottle to wash it down with
6pm bath, feed and then bed by 6.45pm or 7pm
10pm Dreamfeed
She normally sleeps to 5am, wakes up and wants her dummy then goes back to sleep till 7am when we start the day again.

She normally wakes up from her morning nap between 10am, 10.10am but I dont feed her until 10.30am.

The key is consistency.  Wake up at the same time, have naps at the same time. Have bedtime the same time.

Start with tomorrow, don't feed her every 1.5hrs, as she is a snacker.  So you'll want to put a stop to that right away.  Try every 3hrs to start with. She might scream and cry but you have to be consistent.

Her awake time is only 1hr including feeding is it? How long is she feeding?

With spirited babies you have to winddown a lot longer than other babies as they get so worked up.  My winddown routine is about 15-20 mins.  I go by the clock, I go up into my bedroom and lay her down on my bed and just talk to her, or sing to quietly to her, when I see her rub her eyes, I plan to get her into her cot within 5 mins.  I swaddled her, put her in her cot, then sing over the rainbow, then I say night night I'll come and see you later, love you.  Thats her clue for her to go to sleep. 

A question for you, is she still waking at night for feeding? If so, how many times?

Thats all for now.  I am sure you have alot to take in and me running on.

Feel free to ask some more questions, and I'll answer them as best I can.

[CharlotteandCharlie]

I am excited to try the wind down routine.  Sounds like we could get some bonding in there too.

She is feeding for about 10 minutes sometimes less and bobs (I interprete that to mean she is not really hungry but enjoys my breast).

For the past three weeks she was waking three to four times a night (many posts about that one) but ... I don't even want to type it... the last two nights she has slept from 7:30 p.m. to 5:00 a.m.  I am so happy and hope my old Charlie is coming back to me.  (She used to wake around then or sleep right through).  I think it was because of alot of development she did over xmas.  No visiting just alot of new accomplishments for her. Hopefully we are good for a while.

When she does wake I bf her and we are up for about an hour.  Very low key and then to bed usually with no problems.

Right now I am feeling rejuvinated (sp) from your post and looking forward to a schedule.  I hope I feel the same once in the trenches.  I have extended this a.m. nap now from 30 mins to 1.20 so far. 

Yahoo.

If its okay with you I'd like to keep you posted and hang on to your advice.

[corrina01]

Oh yes please do, you can also pm me as well, as I am very excited to know how you and your DD are doing. 

Are you okay with the naps? The ssshhing sometimes the pat sends the spirited babies over the edge.

Before I was BW techinque, I had a spirited one, or so I thought, now she has transformed into an angel.   

Good one with the naps.      You've done well so far as the night waking is concerned.