We've made a lot of progress with dd in the last 6 weeks, so maybe our experience can be of some help. Pat/shush really never worked for us - jsut got dd more agitated - and since she is a spirited little thing PU/PD wasn't too helpful as it just stimulated her more. But it was taking ages to get her down for naps and at bedtime. Anyway, we tweaked the going-to-bed routine slightly so that we swaddled and tucked her in, kissed her, put out the lamp and then left the room. Previously we had put the lamp out before we sat with her for a few minutes (her normally crying because she knew it was sleep time as it was dark), then put her in bed, spent ages trying to shush her to sleep and pin her arms down..... Very exhausting.
We'd stopped swaddling at 7/8 weeks as she was always escaping (even the miracle blanket), but when i came to this site for help in December i discovered a swaddling technique that we introduced and it really helps her to calm herself. I know you're already swaddling, but maybe you could tweak the way you do it to see if it helps? It's kind of the Aussie swaddle, but we leave her hands up by her ears where she likes them, then just tuck her forearms under the fold of the sheet. At night we swaddle over her lightweight sleeping bag, but during the day we just swaddle directly, but we always tuck her in with a blanket too - this helps stop her kicking her legs up in the air.
So when we leave her on her own she sometimes moans a bit, but it isn't really a cry (maybe it's like a mantra cry that they talk about on this site...?), and I keep going in to her every couple of minutes or so until she falls asleep. First of all we started this at bedtime and it took about 40-45 minutes till she was asleep (she must have been thinking 'what the heck is going on? we don't do it like this!'), then within a few days it was 20 minutes, now it's generally silent in her room within 5 minutes and i don't normally need to go in at all to reassure her. Once this was working well at bedtime i started doing the same thing for naps, and now she goes down pretty well for these too - sometimes straight to sleep all by herself, occasionally needing some reassurance. When I go in to reassure her, i don't pick her up, i just kiss her, stroke her cheek, shush a little bit, tell her we're just going to go to sleep, and then leave again. I'm not letting her cry - if she was really crying i'd stay with her - i'm just letting her settle herself and going in to reassure her if she can't seem to manage it. Often when I go in, she'll practically fall asleep as soon as i open the door.
I must add that i've also had to learn how to get dd to bed in time. Being spirited she doesn't give many cues as to when she's starting to get tired, so i have to take her to her room well before she gets sleepy. By the time she starts to yawn she's already swaddled in her cot. We don't actually have much of a wind-down routine. Perhaps i just make sure she's not under her gymini after about an hour and a quarter of being awake - so i sit with her on my knee, looking at a book, playing with a kleenex box, checking emails or whatever. Then when it's time, i change her nappy in her room, say bye-bye mister sunshine (during the day) while i put the blind down, then do the rest like i already said.
Don't get me wrong, our sleeping patterns aren't perfect (dealing with short morning nap and early morning wake-up), but actually going to sleep is now ok. I have to keep reminding myself that this is something good that we've achieved, when i'm feeling so despondent about the other things.....!
Anyway, hope this helps a little. I know how difficult it is with a spirted lo, not that we'd change them for the world as they can be so lively and fun too! xx
