Gradual withdrawal v Walk in/Walk out

[Harrisonsmummy]

Hiya,
MY 16 month old is struggling to settle by himself at present. Up until just before xmas he would go to sleep fine after bedtime routine. His naps have been an issue for a while, and I have resorted to the pram for these but he generally has two of approx 1 hour each per day. Last one finishing no later than 3.30pm with a 7.30 - 8pm bedtime.

At night as soon as I leave him, he jumps up and stands at the end of the cot. If he can see me he just stands there, if he can't see me he cries.

I have started the gradual withdrawal method, and whilst I am in the chair in the room, he sleeps within 20 minutes. Once I get to the doorway where he can't see me (the end of the cot blocks his view) he is up! He stays up too - I have yet to see him fall asleep in this way.

Should I persisit with this and keep laying him down, or bite the bullet and try walk in/walk out hoping that this "cures" him?! 

He has also been waking on and off in the night and taking 2 hours or so to settle. If I sit in the room he lays quietly, but jumps up if he is not asleep when I leave. I thought this may relate to overtiredness (started at xmas) but even ensuring he has his naps hasn't made a difference.

He is teething but doesn't wake up crying in the night, just wakes up.

Any help appreciated, I am spending half my day scanning through the boards trying to see what fits.

[elfin]

I would try the walk in/walk out.  Leave, and as soon as he gets upset go in and reassure him, and then leave again.  You may have to do this numerous times until he no longer gets upset when you leave and falls asleep.

[jessica and emilys mummy]

Hi,i agree with Carrie.i have done this and it works.(well for Emily it did)
If will be hard at first but persevere and he'll be fine.You hould find that it helps
with the night waking as he's probably waking because he's overtired.
Let us know how you go

[mum2ian]

Hey There,
I too have been lurking trying to find a situation that matches ours. DS just turned 17 mos, we have had sleep issues since day 1 due to reflux, some surgery, never ending teething and lots of AP. With love, patience and even less sleep we have gone from him only being able to sleep on my chest to sleeping in his own crib in his own room. He naps okay most days finally, 1 1/2 hrs to 2 1/2 hrs. With the latter I often wake him up to keep him from sleeping beyond 3:30. He goes to bed pretty easily now although some AP we are still working on correcting. He's going to bed about 8:30 and getting up at 6:30. Since the beginning of Dec, he is waking at night with a similar action/reaction as Harrison. He is also awake for 2 hrs or more before he goes out again. During these episodes, I initially go in and hug him for a minute or so until he calms, tell I love him and lay him back down and tell him to sleep. There is some fussing and lots of rolling around like an insomniac. I sit beside him and don't make eye contact and ignore him. If he stands up, I lay him back down and tell him its sleepy time, not play time. This dance goes on until he finally passes out again. He too is teething, eye teeth. But he's also been reaching way back in his mouth the past couple of days: two yr molars already?

Did the walk in/walk out work on Harrison?

[Harrisonsmummy]

Hi,
Harrison is now sleeping through the night absoultely fine. In retrospect I think we had slipped into some bad habits by rocking him until he was sleepy before christmas ( note not actually asleep even!) and I had let him sleep later than 3.30pm so he wasn't tired enough to sleep quickly.

I tried thegradual withdrawal in the first place, making sure ds was very tired, then leaving when he was asleep. I edged towards the door in my chair moving a bit further every few days as I found he settled quicker this way, and generally seemed unconcerned whether I was there or not. On the couple of occasions that he persisted in jumping up and down, I did walk in walk out, and to be honest he got the message quite quickly. I think they test us!

As I wasn't sure what was causing the wakings, I gave him medised for a week, just in case it was teeth, and that kept him asleep all night.

Once he was settling down to sleep himself at night he stopped the obvious waking, so I conclude that he had lost the knack of going back to sleep!!

Hope this helps, any other questions let me know....

[frankiesmom]

It is so crazy to hear you guys talking about this. My 18 month old DS was an awful sleeper as an infant, but seriously, did not have a night waking for about 6 months before December.  I woudl read him a book and he would point at his crib and in he would go and sleep until morning.  Then he got sick, got molars, etc and has been kind of off since then.  Some nights he is fine.  Other nights he is so clingy and tries to climb up my arms to get out of the crib.  He also has gone from dh putting him down at night to screaming his head off until I take him to read him his book.  Anyway, when he was having trouble, I would hold him for a little longer before putting him in, but now I think it has backfired.  I keep thinking that he needs just a little more comforting b/c he is not feeling good, but I think I might be causing more problems then it is worth.  It is weird, b/c it is not like I am rocking him until he falls asleep, he is still going in his crib awake, but sometimes, he just doesn't seem ready to go in his crib.  I guess if he does it today, I will try the walk in walk out method.  Just wanted to tell you guys that I am having some of the same difficulties.  Hopefully we can fix this together. 

Kim

[imsmum]

I think that there is some serious separation anxiety that can happen around this age and I'm starting to think tht the more we are with them even for windown the harder it is for them to let go and sleep.  I've heard a lot about helping toddlers "process their day"  as a way of helping them sleep.  Has anyone tried this?  It apparently can help with those night wakings where they are not crying but just awake for 2 hours.  (Isn't it funny that it's usually 2 hours--why is that?)

I've been having trouble getting my dd to nap--she stands as soon as I put her in and doing pd just had her jumping up like a Jack in the box.  I did walk-in/out too but she seemed to get more upset with each walkout and eventually she only settled if I stayed.  I have a spirited lo and I realized I was responding to her "protest" crying not her "upset" cry.  This w/e I left and waited and realised that she was having her protest/winddown cry and she fell asleep in about 2 minutes.  So I think for this method to really work on spirited types you might have to adjust it a bit to make sure you re not responding to the mantra cry and just the truly "upset" cry.  I haven't been brave enough to try this at night--I want to tweak the bedtime routine first, but 'll let you  know how it goes.     

[LisaM]

We had a really similiar problem with dd when she was about 18 months old - think it was seperation anxiety but not sure.  I used to sit in with her til she dropped off but sometimes that could take hours.  I then decided to try walk in/walk out and actually didn't really have to do it that many times, I told her firmly that it was bedtime and left the room, then if she was still crying I would talk to her from outside the door just saying things like 'its just bedtime, just going to sleep' really calmly etc.  Most nights this was enough and when she seemed calm I would leave and it worked!  She still occasionally starts this up again, crying when I go to leave the room and sometimes I do have to go back in but she is 21 months now and definitely understands what bedtime means so I calm her down and tell her to go to sleep and leave - luckily it doesn't normally take many times for her to go off.

Good luck, sure it will pass soon.
Lisa

[frankiesmom]

I totally agree with the protest cry.  With Frankie, it is more of a tantrum cry then anything.  He wants me to read him more books and he does not want to go to sleep.  Yesterday for his nap when he started crying, I laid him down and patted him until he calmed, it took 10 minutes at the most, then he smiled at me (what a little bugger) then I left and he went to sleep.  Last night, he started to cry and I just told him no, it was time to go to bed and he instantly stopped, I stayed for a few minutes and left him to fall asleep on his own.  So, we will see how it goes today.  Thanks for your help!

Kim