Should I be bf or bottle feeding at night?

[CharlotteandCharlie]

Hi all.

I am confused about what to do at night with my dd.  She is almost six months and has been waking at night since before xmas.  She is waking currently around 11 then again between 1-3 then again between 5-7.  Most nights it is three times, sometimes twice and sometimes four times.  She really doesn't seem to be consistant. 

I had made the rule (in my head) that if she woke up less than four hours from the last time I wasn't going to feed her because she couldn't be hungry.  Is this off the wall?  I guess I should find out before I deprive her or give her a bottle.  We started solids about three weeks ago.  She eats cereal and veggies twice a day. 

I don't want to create a situation where she wakes and wakes fully to have mommy's milk and warmth.  This leads me to other issues being she is a poor self soother and won't settle (probably because of me) unless bf.  The only time we can settle w/o bf is the 11 p.m. waking.

Did I create a vicious cycle of bf everytime she wakes up?  It is soooooo much easier to calm her.  She burps and we go right to sleep.

The other issue I have with her being a poor self soother is that she is swaddled and tightly.  Is it possible to gain soothing skills when you are swaddled and have no recourse except to cry loudly!!!  Problem is she is very spirited and needs that swaddle.  I had been wondering if I could swaddle her to "fail".  Once she is asleep she could get out of it somewhat easily and we could self sooth train. I'm not sleeping anyway.

Oh boy, any suggestions would be great.

Many thanks to the people on this website.

[Jo-FrasersMum]

Hi Charlotte

Sorry for taking so long to reply to your post.

I had made the rule (in my head) that if she woke up less than four hours from the last time I wasn't going to feed her because she couldn't be hungry. Is this off the wall?

This sounds like a good plan to me.  Although if your lo is going through a growth spurt, she may need to feed more often than this.  Breastfed babies especially continue to wake for feeds during the night right up until sometimes 1 year old.

I think the key is not whether your DD is a "self soother" but that she is able to fall asleep independently - meaning that when she wakes during the night if she decides she isn't hungry she is able to transition herself to the next sleep cycle.  So you should work at having DD fall asleep independently for naps and at the beginning of the night.  If she is becoming dependent on the swaddle, and can't fall asleep if the swaddle has worked it's way loose, it may be time to either eliminate or modify the swaddle so that DD can transition regardless.  I know many mum's have had success with the Aussie swaddle - you'll find a link at the top of the Props board (I think) on how to do the Aussie Swaddle.

HTH
Jo 

[CharlotteandCharlie]

Thankyou for your help.  One question ... falling asleep independantly would mean getting naps in order (past the 45 - 60 min mark)?  If she can transition from REM to deep sleep during naps it should follow that night time would be the same? 

It is so crazy that in the middle of the night I can swaddle her, kiss her and leave.  No objections and she falls right to sleep.  This is after about 30 mins of being awake.  Naps are an issue I am trying to tackle as she doesn't go longer than 45-60 mins and does not go down independantly.  We are working on a wind down routine which helps ALOT.

Does a baby wake full from REM and say "I want my mommy's breast, close, warm, loving" or is it all just food? 

As for a growth spurt it has been 1.5 months that this has been happening.  I wonder if we went from one growth spurt to another without getting back on track again.  She will be six months in a few days. 

[Jo-FrasersMum]

Hi Charlotte,

No, I don't think that necessarily there is a link between a 45 min nap and the ability to fall asleep independently or sleep through the night.  From what I understand a different part of the brain regulates night sleep and day sleep - the key is just that your LO is able to get to sleep at the beginning of the sleep.  Many LO's struggle with 45 mins naps that are able to get through the night.

I definitely think that your LO can call out to you during the night at times when she doesn't need food.  My DS went through a phase of this too - basically he wanted to check that I was there and that I would come when he called to me.  I think he was "testing" me - just checking that even when I wasn't in the room, if he called to me I would come.  I responded by quickly going to him each time he called out, to reassure him that I was there and give him a little cuddle if he needed.  He has since stopped calling to me during the night becuase I think he is now confident that if he does call to me then I will go to him.

So I think this is proabably a part of your DD's development - she is needing reassurance from you.  It is a rough ride but I would keep doing what you are doing, going to her and responding quickly and appropriately.  Soon enough she will learn that if she calls you, you will come.  Oh, and there is often a 6 month growth spurt so be mindful that she may be needing a night feed or an extra night feed to help her over the bump.

Good luck!