help 18 mos old screaming for mummy

[imsmum]

Everyone who reads this board is probably aware of my ongoing saga transitioning my 18 mos old dd to 1 nap and this is the latest bump. 

During the transition I would go in at bed/nap times and night wakings just putting my hand on dd to help her settle.  For the last couple of weeks she was fighting going down and I would usually have to do the same thing.  Probably a big mistake but I wasn't sure if it was dependency on me or if she was still having some trouble adjusting to the new sleep schedule. If she woke at night I wouldn't go in, she would settle herself about 1/2 the time but if she couldn't dh would go in and he was getting so he could settle her in about 15 mins..

for the last few nights I've been trying to withdraw, putting her in the crib, staying in the room but hidden.  She's protested but finally slept.  Last night she started out ok but then jolted herself awake at 7:15 as she was drifting off.  I didn't intervene but then the same thing happened 15 minutes later and she was very upset so I tried to settle her only to have her wide awake and chattering away.  So I decided to leave the room.  Big mistake!! She screamed like crazy.  DH went in to calm her but he couldn't even get near her she kept saying "NO NO-- MUMMY".  I went back in and lay down on the floor and she finally fell asleep at 8:45.

Not surprisingly she woke around 2 and as usual dh went in and  SHE SCREAMED LIKE CRAZY fo me.  I went in and held her to calm her down, put her back in the crib and stood by her for a while and then lay on the floor.  she finally fell asleep around 4 am. 

any suggestions on how to handle this?  Me leaving the room seems to really set her off do I just stay in the room for now and not intervene even if she's upset?  And what do I do in the middle of the night?  I work during the day so I think she's using night time for "mummy time".

[jessica and emilys mummy]

Hi
I know exactly how you're feeling because I went through this with Emily
for months.Although I tried the staying in the room and gradually going out
thing,she didn't go for it.
In the end,Henry's mama suggested I go in and out for the count of 10
You've probably seen me write this before,but it does seem to work for
others I have had feedback from.
Just put her to bed,say goodnight,go out and close the door,count to 10,
go in,lay her down,go out,shut the door,count to 10,then keep repeating
this until she goes to sleep.Only go in when she's crying,stop counting if she
stops crying.
I will warn you though,the first night is hell,so start on a Friday night (if you don't
work weekends),she will scream her loudest on the first night but don't give
up.Do something as you count to 10.I just did some stretching exercises to take
my mind off of the screaming.
The first night took 50 mins,the 2 nd took about 30 mins then after that for
a few days,only about 10 mins down to only counting 2 or 3 times.
I found she wasn't waking during the night after that as she wasn't overtired
anymore.You can also do this for night wakings as well.

Please try it,in the long run it's perfect,the short run,it's a bit scary.
Hang in there and persevere.
Let me know how you go.

[imsmum]

Had some success at night not leaving but hiding and not intervening even if she has little bumps along the way to sleepy time.  She doesn't get really upset at night unless I leave so I haven't done that yet--I thought I would tackle naps first because she's used to my nanny leaving her for her nap to fall asleep on her own..Well yesterday I tried leaving her for her nap and it worked!  Despite a supersoothing winddown she sat bolt upright as soon s I put her in the crib.  I stayed for a few minutes to see if I could settle her but no luck so I just said "Nap time Margot" and left.  She's a spirited toddler so she cried but by now I know the difference between her upset cry and the "Hey what's going on?" cry.  She did about 2 minutes of the latter and fell asleep! Not a great nap (1 hour)because she was coughing and the neighbour's dog was barking.  But I think I'll keep up with this and do the 10 second thing if she starts her upset cry and see how it goes.  Thanks so much for the advice! 

[elfin]

I'm glad to see that you are having some success!  Myles was the same at that age and would sit/stand right up as soon as I put him in his crib.  I also learned that trying to stay there with him made things worse, so I would leave.  If/when he got upset I used the walk in/walk out, and it worked soooo well for us!

Good luck!