Please help with bed time!

[Aleksandersmom]

My 3 month old son does fairly well with nap times, and is very easy to put down for a nap.  As soon as he yawns, I grab his blankie, his pacifier and we sit in the rocker, his face buried in my chest, sucking on his binkie, while I hum.  I can usually get him down within 5 minutes and he's awake but drowsy.  I'm battling 45 minute naps, but he seems to be doing better.  He's been down now for 1.75 hours and I've had to go in a few times to pat his tummy and put his binkie in. 

At night, however, he turns into a little devil!  We have a bathtime, story, nurse/bottle routine (I was worried that he wasn't getting enough milk at the end of the day so I give him a bottle of 2-3 ounces of breast milk and then nurse so that I know he's getting enough and not waking up because of hunger) at around 9:00 (he usually seems sleepy then) and he goes down like a charm.  But then he wakes up at 10:00 and is just wild for 2-3 hours.  The last 2 nights I fought with him until 1:00 in the morning.  By this time, I'm exhausted and frustrated and can't deal with it anymore.  Last night I just let him scream until he would settle down with his binkie.  When he's really screaming like that, usually the binkie just upsets him more and he really wants to nurse, but then he just kicks and pulls off and goes back on, then pulls off, wiggles and goes back on, endlessly. 

Sometimes during this time I'll get him to sleep, only to have him wake back up again 5 - 10 minutes later.  Some nights he wakes up and falls back asleep 4 or 5 times before he finally falls asleep for good. 

I have no problems with him once he's asleep for good -- he wakes up anywhere between 4 and 6 to nurse and then goes back to sleep until between 7 - 9 , depending on how late he finally went to sleep. 

What am I doing wrong?!  Please help!

[Aarismom]

Hi and welcome to the boards!

Could you post his daily schedule for us? My first thought is that he may actually be going to bed a little too late, and his day may actually needed to be adjusted to fit an earlier bed time.

My other thought is that he may be addicted to the binky. Also, has he ever fallen asleep at the breast for bedtime on any kind of regular basis during the bedtime routine? That could play into it. But I think it has a little bit more to do with the amount of night sleep. 8-12 hours is not bad for a 3 month old, eventually that number will move closer to 12 hours at night. An earlier bedtime might actually help him sleep through a little bit more.

These are just some thoughts...a posted routine would really help bring things together

*HUGS*
Sonya =P

[Aleksandersmom]

His schedule is not the same every day -- this is from 5 days ago:

8:00 Nursed
9:15 Down for nap
10:08 Woke up
11:00 Nursed to sleep
12:00 Woke up
2:00 Nursed to sleep
3:00 Woke up
4:00 Asleep
5:00 Nursed
7:00 Asleep
8:00 Nursed
9:00 Bath
10:00 Nursed/bottle
10:30 Asleep
11:15 Woke up
11:30 Nursed
12:00 Asleep
5:50 Nursed, fell back asleep until 8:00 next morning

This is from Sunday:
8:00 Awake
9:00 Nursed to sleep
10:45 Awake
12:00 Nursed to sleep
1:00 Nursed to sleep
2:00 Nursed (I kept nursing him because he kept falling asleep after just a few sucks and never got a real full tummy)
4:15 Asleep
4:50 Awake
5:00 Nursed to sleep
6:00 Awake
7:00 Asleep
8:00 Nursed
9:30 Bath
10:00 Nursed
10:30 Asleep
11:00 Awake
11:45 Asleep
12:00 Awake
1:00 Asleep
5:00 Nursed
8:45 Woke up next morning

Writing this out, I realized that he does nurse to sleep a lot.  However, he does not need to nurse to fall asleep.  Usually for his morning nap and early afternoon nap, I do not nurse him to sleep.  As for the binky, I am not concerned that he's addicted to it.  He doesn't want it throughout the day, and most importantly, he doesn't wake up needing it in the night.  He only wakes up to nurse once and go back to sleep, which I have no problem with.  It's the getting him to sleep and the fighting for 2 hours to get him down for good that I have a problem with.  I always take the binky out of his mouth once he's settled down and he rarely needs it again. 

How do I get him to stay asleep when I put him down at night?  It seems like no matter when I try to put him to bed, he wakes up again after an hour and then it's a battle to get him to go back down.  I've even tried feeding him before he fully wakes up to try to keep him asleep and it doesn't matter.  Shushing him just makes him scream.  I'm at my wits end!

[chell]

Hi Aleksandersmom, there are a few things which I have noticed which may be of help to you.

1. Sleep cycle - 45 minutes is the length the average sleep cycle for a baby of that age. After 45 mins they come out of a deep sleep and often wake. I know that you said your lo has been able to sleep for 1.75 hours which is great, but looking at your routine it seems that your lo does not usually sleep for longer periods during the day. I think that your lo may need more help in learning to resettle himself, thus sending himself back into a deeper sleep again. This may be partly the reason why he sometimes has difficulty in re- settling  at night.

What I think may be happening in the scenario you described, is that your lo falls asleep at bedtime wakes up after an hour, finds it difficult to get back off to sleep, so calls for you. He then probably has just about enough energy to then stay up for a while, but eventually gets tired, becomes frustrated and angry at not being able to get back to sleep.Then when you do finally get him off he wakes, typically at 10 minutes, which is a sign of overtirdeness, and this process then repeats itself, because he is overtired.

2. Feeding -( You may want to check out the breast feeding board) I wondered whether your lo has got into the habit of snacking and not taking a full feed, as he keeps falling asleep on you. If he feeds for only 10 minutes or so, then he probably is. This may be contributing to the sleep problem.

For a 3-4 month old you'd be looking at about 10 hours at night and  3x 1.5 hour naps, plus a cat nap to get him through to bedtime.
I think that Aarismom is right in that his routine may need adjusting a bit, with an earlier bedtime and a dreamfeed at 10-11pm. I also think that an awake time of 3 hours is too long for a lo of his age, and this may be contributing to his overtiredness. See page 34 of "The Baby Whisperer Solves all your problems"  for an example of a 3 hour EASY routine.