2 naps to 1, early morning wakeups, battles at bedtime, you name it really!

[ozswiss]

I'm so sorry this is so long, but I'm so confused!!

My Touchy Angel is going to be 1 on Monday. She has been on EASY since she was 10 days old - and been a pretty good sleeper. We had a difficult time at 4.5 months adjusting to the 4hr EASY, changing to formula, and giving up her soothing, but since then things have been pretty consistent. Of course there have been a few rough patches but generally I've found if I really emphasize the routine and 'super-size' the rituals at these times, we've gotten back on track in just a few days. Well, NOT THIS TIME!

About 3-4 weeks ago my DD started refusing her afternoon naps. I thought she was overtired and too young for 1 nap, so I got her back into a strong routine (probably more of a schedule to be honest - to make sure the afternoon nap didn't get too late) and she went back to 2 naps pretty well. She got a tooth just after that so I put it down to teeth. Then at the beginning of this week, it started again. What is really different this time though is that she has started refusing her sleep at bedtime too - this is very uncharacteristic for her. For the last couple of days she has taken at least 30 minutes to go to sleep - and insists that we be there while she goes off. But, after I put her down, put my hand on her back for a while, she starts to chirp up and kick the cot, eventually sitting up wanting to start a little 'chat' with me. I PD straight away - but sometimes she sits straight back up. I then PD and leave, she then screams, and so on, and so on.....

She has started waking up really early too. I can't remember exactly when it started (and she has always woken a while before we get her up) - but it is getting earlier and earlier. This morning she started at 4am. She crys wah wah and then nothing for 20 minutes then wah wah and then nothing for 20 minutes. This continued until 5.30 when she stood up and I had to go in. I sat with her, she settled, and I left. 5 minutes later she stood up again - I sat with her, she settled and I left - 20 minutes later she cried again. This time my husband went in and came out saying she is not going to go back to sleep. We left her until 6.30 - normal get up time at the moment.

The last few days she has been unbearable in the mornings so I've been putting her down for an early morning nap (8.30-9), waking her at 10 at the latest, and then putting her down at about 1-1.30. She has had a 2 hour nap in the afternoon for the last 2 days like this. I've also brought her bedtime forward from 7-7.30 to 6.30-7.

She has been less tired at night the last 2 nights and so has settled easier - last night not really taking much help at all - I only had to go back in to her once and sit next to her for 5 minutes. So my guess is that the other days she was just sooo overtired. So my current plan is obviously helping with that - but is the early nap the reason for the early wakeups and should I put up with a very grumpy child and try to push her to a 1 nap routine - knowing that this will mean very difficult days and difficult bedtimes until she starts waking later?

But what do I do now? Is this accidental parenting? teething? change to 1 nap? interference from early morning nap? all of the above?

This is all so much harder to interpret because so much has changed recently too. We have moved house (3 months ago), my husband has stopped working from home and in the last 2 weeks is leaving earlier and getting home later, she is getting new teeth, she has learned to stand up, I've started sitting 2 other kids on Tuesday afternoons, etc etc

It is so hard for me to see the situation clearly with all this to consider. Maybe you can see it more clearly than me? What should my plan be? Where do I start and what do I tackle first? second?

HELP! I'm lost and this is killing me. I've worked so hard for the last 12 months to help her to be a good sleeper - I feel like it has all been a waste of time!

[Harrisonsmummy]

Hi, I am with you all the way here. This has been happening to me too, and I put it down to teeth, colds etc, but it sounds like a fairly typical nap transition response to overtiredness to me. DS was exactly the same.Check the toddler board out for some quite helpful posts.

Like you, I started by stocking DS up on sleep, stopping any night wakings, but I think the early naps reinforce the early wake-ups. I did find however that once ds wasn't overtired, he went to sleep early very quickly and that stopped the very early wake-ups(4.20am). It has pushed them to 5.30am.

I have now gone cold turkey with the naps, and push him to lunch time (which he can tolerate but is very tired) then give him an early bedtime, (4.5 hours after wake up) so at least he is getting 10.5 hours overnight.

From what I have read, it takes a couple of weeks for any adjustments like this to kick in and apparently early mornings are the last to fall in place. I am keeping to my schedule for another week or so to see if it works (time change will possibly make it more bearable).

I also recommend a sleep log for analysis and early bedtimes yourself if possible - at least you don't feel quite so bad at 5.30am! I am getting used to it now........ 

Good luck, Justine

[ozswiss]

Hi Justine,

Thanks so much for your reply.

I'd decided that she was trying to transition to 1 nap so I topped her up with sleep for 3 days - ie woke after an hour in am and then put down for good pm nap. She took a pm nap - but sometimes she played (with me intermittently going in to do PD) in her cot for 1-1.5 hrs before sleeping. After that we went to 1 nap - pushed back to 10.15-10.30. This seemed to work ok, and she seemed to be going down better at night too (early bedtime of 6-6.30) and i thought - woo hoo we're starting to get somewhere, but now it has all gone wrong again!

Monday and yesterday she had am nap at 10.30 (there is no way I can get her any later than this!) - and I gave her a push in the pram in afternoon so that she could have a sneaky cat nap about 4.30. but things are not good.

She has started fighting going to bed again at night - and last night she woke about 4-5 times. I had to go into her twice - but when I get in there she doesn't really want me to touch her and she rolls around and moans and seems hyped up. She kicks the cot and mattress and generally seems to have heaps of trouble going back to sleep - which is not like her. This is just so unlike my daughter. Like I said she is a touchy angel, but since she was about 12 weeks old she has gone to bed 99% of the time on her own after our ritual, and besides a few hickups, mornings and naps have been good too.

What am I doing wrong - or how can I make this easier for her?

There just seem to be so many issues I have no idea what to tackler first. Now she is 1 I am supposed to take her for her shots but I'm just not sure if I should add to our troubles at the moment. ARRRGGGHHHH - I'm so confused.

[Harrisonsmummy]

Sorry that things have gone off again! How long is your lo napping when you put her down at 10.30am? And what time does she wake in the morning? It sounds like possibly she is overtired at bedtime - Harrison is the same. For a long time when he fought bedtime, I thought he wasn't tired enough....now I know differently!

It sounds really hard when you can't push her further along in the morning, Harri wakes at the moment at 5.30am ( a by product of this transition) but I am brutal and make him stay up until 12ish. He is tired, but will settle ok for about 1 3/4 hours, then at the moment we make bedtime as early as possible but no longer than 5 hours later, and I am trying to be as consistent with this as possible. I find that it is the length between nap wake-up and bed that determines all the issues at bedtime and at night...

What about teeth and or a cold if she has been topped up with sleep and suddenly starts waking all through the night. I found that teeth, plus tiredness is lethal, and gave Harri cold meds to get him through most of the night when he seemed bad. Teeth on there own are generally ok. That seemed to help him settle until the early morning, and at least allowed him to catch up on some sleep.

HTH - at least you know there are plenty of us in the same situation.....all trying to figure it out....

[Mom to M&M]

Perhaps you need to do a slow transition from 2-1 naps? When you put her down at 10:30, how long does she sleep for? What if you only let her get 30-40 minutes and then see if you can get a long afternoon nap in from say 2-3:30/4? That way, hopefully, the short catnap at 10:30 will tide her over so she's able to make it to the afternoon but still tired enough for a nice afternoon nap she won't be so overtired at bedtime.

HTH. Let us know what you think.

[ozswiss]

Thanks for the support guys. Here is an update

The last 2 days I've gone back to the early morning nap and afternoon sleep idea - and it has worked as far as day sleep goes. So I've put her down at 9am for an hour (or 45 minutes if she wakes up on her own like she did on Wednesday). I then put her down for an afternoon nap at say 2-2.30. She will generally sleep for 1.30-2.00 hours for her afternoon nap. I'm then putting her to bed at 6.30-6.45.

Last night it took 45 minutes for her to go to sleep - and it is weird.

I put her down and she lies down like she will go to sleep, then as soon as I go to leave she sits up and cries. I go back and lie her down and leave again. She sits up and cries. So after a while of this I go in and put my hand on her back - sometimes she lets me, sometimes she doesn't. but after a while she will start talking , sit up and smile at me, or start kicking the cot. At this stage I leave because I don't want to stay in there if she doesn't need me. But this really sets her off so I then end up sitting in there with her. But even when she eventually lies down and seems really settled, and I sneak out  - she will cry after say 5-10 minutes and it all starts again. Last night my husband just went in and sat in a chair not talking or looking at her - he ignored her sitting up and she eventually laid down and went to sleep.

This morning she woke at 3.15 really upset. I went in and cuddled and comforted her in the cot. stroked her hair and put my hands on her. She calmed but didn't settle easily. Eventually she settled and I left but after 5 minutes she called me back again. i went in and started again (no talking) just PD and sat on the floor next to cot. She eventually calmed and I went out. She called me in again and I did the same. Then I left and sat in the next room listening. This is the weird bit - she wasn't asleep, i could hear her talking, sometimes crying for 1-2 sec and then kicking cot - but she never called me in again. eventually I went in to my bed at 4.15 and we didn't hear from her again until the alarm went off at 6am. I don't think the alarm wakes her - she just knows that it means that we are awake then and she squeals for my husband to come and get her.

This morning at 9am I sat with her in her room for 1 minute, sang twinkle twinkle, put her down, said "bye bye - have a good nap, see you when you wake up" - just like normal. As i left she sat up and cried for 2 seconds and then went off to sleep.

So what is going on? Is it that she is overtired at night - even though she is having 1.5 hrs in afternoon and only 3 hrs before bed? or is this a case of accidental parenting - at night only?

she is getting her 2 front side teeth at the moment but I'm not sure that is the problem. I did put some gel on her teeth at one stage last night while trying to get her to sleep - but normally if it is sick or pain she cries even when she is lying down. I'm really worried it is accidental parenting, but it is unlike her to take so long to go to sleep - which makes me think it is because she is overtired?

So should we be putting her in her bed and staying with her until she goes to sleep? or start a PD routine where we always leave as soon as she settles? or some other suggestion?

[thitz]

Hello, my dd started transition to one nap around 11 months old.  We're still transitioning.  I started slowly like the book says but then she just wouldn't catnap at all in the afternoon and became unbearable so I went to a 11:30am nap.  And that's where we are most days.  Then even if she sleeps just 1.5hrs she still makes it to 7:00 bedtime no problem.

I read that when you tried one nap you could only get your lo to stay up till 10:30.  My dd seems this way too BUT I then give her lunch.  I know it's really early, but it's amazing, cause it then perks her up for another hour.  I did this for about a months.  And now I give lunch around 10:45-11:00, slowly trying to shift it to a regular time.

Anyways, just in case you try one nap again, you could give the early lunch trick a try.

Tarri

[ozswiss]

Hi Tarri,

Thanks so much for your reply - it really does give me some confidence when I realise so many others are going through the same thing.

My lo has a red bottom and funny nappies at the moment so I've put off the transition until that clears up. I wouldn't be able to persist with anything when i think there is a chance that she is not well. It could just be teeth, or a little bug, I'll take her to the doctor if it is not better by Monday.

Thanks for the advice about lunch - I often give a snack to get her through to 10.30 - but maybe if I offer lunch she will make it even further. She seems very hungry at the moment too, so I've recently increased her meal sizes again.

I know the early morning wake ups are closely related to the 1 nap - but which controls which? IF I fix the wake ups will the naps get better or if I transition to 1 nap, will the wake ups get better? That's what I have to work out so that I have a plan.

Anyhow just wanted to say thanks for the support. Lets hope you are nearly on the down hill stretch now - congrats on surviving a whole month of this!

Congratulations on your pregnancy too!
Cheers
Jo

[cashar]

Hi Jo

Just wanted to say we are on the same page as you!! My Harrison has been refusing to take a pm nap on and off for about 1mth now and his wake up time has been gradually getting earlier. Teeth and a cold have added to the nightwakings also.

Harrison turned 11mths last week and today I have finally decided enough is enough (I am totally frustrated) and he is going to one nap. I have tried to shorten the am nap ending up with him having 45mins sleep all day on occassions which in turn has led to a very early bedtime (5.30pm).

Like the other Harrisons mummy I will also push to get to about 12noon with the idea of early lunch suggested by Tari working well for us today.

I have put him down at 12noon with fingers crossed for a nice long sleep. I do think it will be best for us to stay with the early bedtime until the transition period is over to compensate for the early wake ups, and hopefully they will come right on their own.

If nothing else, you are not travelling this particular sleep issue alone. Hope it improves for you soon.

Cas

[ozswiss]

Hi Guys

As I said in the last post I noticed Lilly had an upset tummy and she seemed tired so we went back to a 2 nap routine for 5 days until she seemed better. I think she has a food intolerance so I took her back to basics on Friday and by Monday she seemed to have it out of her system.

Monday she made it to 9.30 for her first nap and then had a nap in the car at 3.30. Her father put her to bed and it took an hour - he doesn't do PD - he just sits there with the assumption that she will realise that he is not going to interact with her so she will just lie down and go to sleep. What do you think?

Tuesday is the day I sit the other kids so no afternoon nap, cranky and lots of bedtime battles.

Wednesday she made it to 10.15 easily and then we were out in the afternoon. I expected her to sleep in the car on the way home (catnap) but she just cried and screamed the whole time. BUT her father wasn't home. I did the entire bedtime routine which I started about 45 minutes earlier than I used to on the 2 nap schedule. She was in her bed by 5.50 and I was out of there by 6.05 - I thought we'd had a break through.

Thursday she lasted until 11.10! but she only slept for an hour 10 (same as day before actually). This meant she was tired by 4 but she had 20 minutes on the way home from my Mum's. Bedtime though was hard again - but not as hard as it was. My husband was home so he did bath and dressed for bed (which is normal for us) - she seems to lie down better now but every time I try to leave the room she cries. Sometimes I manage to get out of the room, but then she cries after 2 minutes when she realises I'm gone. Last night I just kept going back, ended up sitting with her and she settled - all up it took an hour. Do you think I should just sit with her from the start until she is really asleep - or will I become a prop?

She woke at 5 this morning really upset, she would lie down but wouldn't settle - after 30 mins I got her up :-(

The night time wakings have reduced - at least I think they have. We've moved into the spare room so we can't hear her so easily - I figure I need to get as much sleep as I can so that I can help her through her grumpy afternoons.

So, any tips on settling her at bedtime? She is settling really well for naps - why so different at night? Is it accidental parenting? or is it just that she is so tired?

How is everybody else going? Any changes/hints?

[Ewan's Mummy]

Hi there

Just thought I'd write to say that I TOTALLY sympathise.  I too have a had a great routine since my little one was a couple of months old (he turned one last week).  He's always gone straight to sleep on his own in his cot for two naps and all night, but exactly the same as you he started refusing his afternoon nap a few weeks ago.  Started waking up early and has now started refusing to go to sleep in his own in his cot.  He just stands up and screams when I try to leave him.  I've tried various combinations like you -  feeding lunch early and trying a nap at 12 - but he wouldnt' sleep until 1.40!  He used to be asleep within five minutes of being put in his cot but the other night it took over an hour to get him to sleep - he's always gone to sleep around 6.30pm but it was 8pm last night.  I was going for one nap at lunch time this week but this morning he was yawning and rubbing his eyes by 9am, so he's asleep now (has been since 9.50am) - who knows what will happen this afternoon and this evening! 

I can't understand his sudden reluctance to just lie down in his cot - he's been able to stand in his cot since 9 months old, so it's not novelty value that makes him stand up in there - he just won't settle and get's distressed.  Anyway, sorry to waffle - I'm just in exactlly the same  boat as you! I'm just giving him lots of extra cuddles before sleep and trying not to get stressed about it!.  Thats him awake

Bye!!!

[ozswiss]

Hi Folks,

I haven't been able to post for a while - my mum broke her leg and I've been visiting her every other day.

If I'd posted on Saturday or even Sunday I would be reporting that we have finally made a break through. For 3 days Lilly was now able to get to 12 noon for a 2 hour sleep (although most days she has a 30 minute catnap at 9.30 and then a good sleep at 1.30-2), and then to bed at 7 for 12 hours sleep at night. Naps were a breeze (a little harder at my Mums but that is to be expected) and bedtime battles were decreasing.

But now as I sit here with tears running down my face I feel completely and utterly lost. I have lost all confidence in my ability to help her sleep. I have no idea what to do.

Last night it took over 45 minutes  to get Lilly to sleep (which i know is not that long - but I just don't get why she is still fighting me after so long, she used to go to sleep on her own 99% of the time )and then she woke all through the night. I basically haven't slept since 2am this morning. She would go back to sleep after a battle but then only stay asleep for 40 minutes and then cry again. This morning I put her down for a catnap and that was fine. She seemed very tired and out of sorts so I started her nap routine at 1.30. Well I have just given up after an hour of battling with her. When I first put her in she settled down and so I left to go deal with her nappy. By the time I got back from the laundry she was absolutely hysterical. I could not hold her or comfort her - she was so upset. Eventually she calmed and I then tried to settle her but if she was settling she would either stand up and cry, or roll over and start to smile and laugh. This is exactly what she does at night too. I try to leave the room if she is laughing, but she screams when i go out so I go back in.

Can anybody offer advice - I'm desperate and completely lost. How can I be getting this so wrong!!!!

I'm sorry to sound so desperate but I just don't understand what I am meant to be doing.

Jo 

[Katet]

Sounds like another stage of separation anxiety, try jsut staying with her until she goes to sleep... at nap time I just sit in ds#2's room & read, at bed time I just lie on the spare bed & sometimes fall asleep.

The transition to 1 nap is 'stressful' for us it went on for 3 months with ds#1, so you need to take the good & bad days & just appreciate it will get better

[Colesmom]

Just wanted to send (((hugs)))

I've had the tears, the frustration and everything else you've described.  My DS slept til 5:30 am, the latest he has slept in weeks.  I have tried several combinations of one nap, two naps, waking from naps, letting him sleep.  We are making progress this week after returning to TWO naps

You are not alone, hang in there!

[ozswiss]

Thanks for the messages. I've had a better night's sleep (2 wake ups and only 15 minutes to resettle) so now hopefully I'll be better equipped to deal with it all today. I think the problem was that after 6 weeks of (like Traci says) trying 1 nap, 2 naps, waking from naps, extending naps etc etc, I really thought we were starting to make progress. We'd had 3 consistent days and I guess I let my guard down. The set back was probably more of a problem for me mentally than for her, if I'm honest. I'm just so tired and need to feel like we are making progress.

I can tell you a few things that I've learned (or at least I think/thought I had) in the past 2 months:

* when she was sick (upset tummy/teething) we had to go back to 2 proper naps, ie I let her be in control again

* until this started Lilly could take a pm catnap - no longer! I have had to move the catnap to am - no pm catnap (ie long am plus pm catnap is a no go) if I want her to go to bed at night. At the moment it seems like she needs about 3 hours after her last sleep until she will settle. In Lilly's case she needs to be up until about 9.30 and back awake by 10am if she is going to go down for a pm nap.

* a 1 hr am nap was working but now it seems like 30 minutes is all I can give her - anything more than that and she starts refusing pm nap. (hopefully this means that we are almost there?)

* It takes a long time, but i still have faith that it will get better. I had a huge come-apart yesterday after the set back, but if I remember that a few weeks ago she was refusing pm nap every day, was waking at 4-5am and screaming and staying awake, and was taking an hour to go to bed, things are better.  In this case I don't really think you are teaching them anything - unlike at earlier ages. I really think the 2to1 nap is about surviving until they are old enough to handle the A time necessary for 1 nap - there is a big difference and basically they have to grow into it. Would you agree?

I'd still love to hear advice from anyone else who is doing it or has survived. How is everybody else going? Anybody made it through yet?

Thanks for the hugs and kind words. MUCH APPRECIATED!
As you can see I'm doing much better
Jo