Author Topic: 11 month old - not sleeping- mom and dad exhausted  (Read 4058 times)

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Offline mia and cruz momma

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11 month old - not sleeping- mom and dad exhausted
« on: March 23, 2006, 03:43:23 am »
My son is 11 months old.  He is waking up at least 5 times a night.  It is actually better than it was.  It use to be that he would wake up 10- 15 times a night.  After doing the p/u, p/d for about three weeks there was finally a little progress.  He now wakes up only 5 times a night- still way to much for anyone in our house to get a healthy amount of sleep.  I know it has a lot to do with accidental parenting, but we have so much of it, i don't know where to go from here.  Here is some of what were doing wrong: 1) he is still nursing at least once at night- he wakes up so many times that i reserve one of these times to feed him so we can all go back to sleep quicker  2) he takes a pacifier when he sleeps  3)  at around 5 a.m. we started bringing him to bed with us so that he wouldn't wake our 4 yr. old- now he wakes up at 4 a.m. and won't go back to sleep easily in his bed or ours- yikes!

Also he is teething.  We have so many issues, i don't know where to begin.  All i know is that we all need sleep.  Before he cut back to about 5 night wakings, i was getting only about 4 hours of sleep a night and he was getting only about 9 hours of day and night sleep total... we both got sick (colds) as a result.  There has been improvement due to p/u, p/d, but I don't know what to do now?

Right now this is what an average night for us looks like:

7 p.m. bed
10:30  wakes, cries. hubby lies him back down, replaces pacifier (i know this is bad)
12:30  same as above
2:30a.m.  wakes, cries, i go in and nurse him
4 a.m.    wakes , cries.  and we've been trying different bad habits (what sleep deprivation will do to you) such as bringing to our bed, nursing again, rocking him in rocking chair.  he doesn't go to sleep at this time replacing the paci.  he may finally doze off for 30 minutes or so doing one of these things.  but basically my hubby and i take turns getting up for the day with him.

We have so many sleep issues, i don't know what to tackle first.  Is my situation helpless?  Am I destined for sleepless nights for the rest of babyhood? 

I read the baby whisperer with my daughter as a young infant and all of the ideas and methods worked like clockwork.  I don't know if i need more help this time because my son was a good sleeper and started sleeping horrible at about 7 months.

If anyone has advice I would greatly greatly appreciate it.

Offline Katet

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Re: 11 month old - not sleeping- mom and dad exhausted
« Reply #1 on: March 23, 2006, 04:12:55 am »
First thing I'd say is you really do need to get rid of the Paci as I think that is part of the problem.
Also what is his day routine, as that has a HUGE impact on night time?
Have you had a Dr check his ears, I found with my ds#2 that ear problems were part of why he went to sleep ok, but woke up.
dc1 July 03, dc2 May 05

Offline milesmac

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Re: 11 month old - not sleeping- mom and dad exhausted
« Reply #2 on: March 23, 2006, 07:08:07 am »
Hello!  We have had similar problems with our 12 month old.  I can completely relate to the exhaustion and the desperation to do anything to get some sleep.  We were definitely accidental parents.

We started PU/PD four weeks ago and after initial regression, saw some improvement.  However, he still wakes 3-4 times a night and needs quick comforting to get back to sleep.  We have yet to figure out how to eliminate these night wakings but it is certainly better than the every 30-45 minutes we were dealing with prior to PU/PD.

Regarding your sleep issues,  I think eliminating the night feedings is something you should consider.  At 11 months old, he should not need nutrition during the night.  I think the feedings are comfort for him and have also become his routine.  So he may be waking just to feed.  We had to deal with this at about 8 months.  Our pediatrician recommended gradually decreasing the amount of food during the night over a week or so.  We were using a bottle so we decreased by an ounce every 1-2 nights.  Within a week he was no longer waking for a feeding.  If you are breast feeding, you may want to gradually decrease the time you allow him to nurse.

If you can get rid of the night feedings, I would then try to eliminate bringing him to bed with you.  This was also a problem for us because we were so exhausted that we gave in to bringing him to bed so we could get some sleep.  This was tough to do and it took several (exhausting) weeks.  We just made the decision that we would not bring him to bed with us.  Instead, one of us would go in his room to comfort him.  We did not take him out of the crib but would place a hand on his head, back, or hip to comfort him.  We would stay there until he fell asleep.  The first few nights, he protested desperately because he wanted to be in our bed.  After 4 or 5 days, he got the idea and it became much easier to comfort him.  It took about 2 weeks but it worked.

I understand that the baby whisperer is not a huge fan of pacifiers.  However, we have used one because it provides comfort.  We would like to get rid of the pacifier but have tried to fix the other sleep problems first.  You may need to continue the pacifier until you address some of the other things.  If the trouble is that he wakes up when he loses the pacifier, as a temporary fix, you may want to think about placing a few pacifiers in the crib then he can find one when he needs it (again this was recommended by our pediatrician as a temporary measure and it has helped bridge the gap while we deal with other issues.)

I don't know if this has helped at all.  Just some things that worked for us.  Remember you are not alone.  Keep us posted on how it works out for you.  I would be interested in any suggestions you have.

Anne

Offline mia and cruz momma

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Re: 11 month old - not sleeping- mom and dad exhausted
« Reply #3 on: March 23, 2006, 17:59:03 pm »
thanks so much for your advice and support.  it's comforting to know that we are not the only ones going through this.  he has a consistent daytime routine.  one nap around 9:30  ( usually about 30-40 minutes),  and another nap around 1:30 (usually around  1 1/2 hours).  he eats three meals a day, one or two snacks.  nurses at afternoon bedtime, bedtime, and once in middle of night.  last night i waited until 5 a.m. for his night feeding ( would like to continue that) . did not bring him to bed with us at all last night.  he won't take a bottle.  he took a bottle intermittently until about 9 months now won't take one.  doesn't drink enough from sippy cup to provide enough fluids.  around 6 p.m. we have quiet play and soft music in his room.  goes to sleep around 7 p.m.  he usually does not fall asleep nursing.  can fall to sleep independently, but won't put himself back to sleep when he wakes during the night.  he only takes his paci in bed at bedtime.  i think we do need to get rid of it- and that is a goal for the near future.  his ears have been checked- they checked out great.  another thing is that my hubby is eagier to help and take turns so i can get sleep. however, he won't follow thru with p/u, p/d as it is exhausting for him.  he wants to rock him to sleep when he wakes.  i don't want all of our hard work from weeks of p/u p/d to go to waste.  i'd rather do it myself and trade in a few weeks of sleepless nights for hopefully better sleep in the future.   let me know if you have any other advice?