Can you help me figure out why and what to do?

[Ennypen]

I am a silly mommy, I thought that my little angel baby William would sleep all night and that I wouldn't find myself here having a sleep problem.. silly mommy! 

At the moment William is waking up 2 or three times throughout the night,he starts by moaning, which escalates to shouting, which escalates to gasping and crying and banging his legs if we don't go to him.. to put his dummy in for him. Then he immediately settles. Ha ha I can hear you all saying lol.. the dummy is the problem - I think it is at the moment - along with other issues like milestones.
I've been trying to think around his waking and to try to plan what to do about it - if indeed I can do something lol.. and I would like your support in that if I may. I would really appreciate your ideas as to why he may be waking up in the first place, and also how I can try to help him to be able to drop back off again without this escalation of noise which ends up with me or DH having to get up.

Here is all of the info you may need...

How old is your child?  William is almost 9 months old - see my ticker!

Will's routine - incuding naps and feeding is as follows;
6am - bottle (8oz) , nappy change, back into bed until...
8am - gets up, nappy change and gets dressed, goes downstairs to play until...
10am - porridge /  cereal (made with 8oz milk), then plays until,
11am - Naps until...
12.30pm - gets up, nappy change, goes downstairs to play until,
1.30pm - lunch, veggies savoury meal and drink of water (he used to have a bottle here until about 3 weeks ago but he dropped it himself as he repeatedly refused it - both before solids or after it , then plays or goes out for a walk etc until,
3.30pm - Naps until
5pm - up, nappy change, goes downstairs to play etc
5.30pm - tea, veggies/savoury meal followed by fruit / other sort of pudding then watches a bit of TV to let his food go down, until
6pm - plays with "quiet" toys, read books, go round the house in little car...
6.30pm - Daddy comes home so has cuddles and chats with daddy..
6.45pm - Bath time (3 nights a week)
7pm - gets ready for bed in his room and then has a bottle of 8oz and gets tucked into his cot (uses a growbag) and goes down for the night at about 7.15ish.

I know all that isn't really EASY - but its certainly been a schedule that has worked for wonderfully for us and MIL who cares for him in the day so far. He also has 2 snacks at convenient times which is usually a piece of toast with cheese spread on or some peeled grapes or cheerios or carrot sticks.

How many wakes per night? He wakes 2 or 3 times per night - usually at about 1am and again at 3.15 am and if a third wake up is going to happen its usually at about 5am... sometimes he doesnt wake here but wakes at 6am for his bottle.

What’s your LO like when waking at night? How long is he/she up? - When he wakes as I described earlier he starts off moaning, there is some mantra crying going on but then this escalates to shouting, leg banging and then gasping and eventually crying if we leave him. I do not get him out of his cot as this winds him up and we have full blown crying, but all I have to do is pop his dummy back in, put his teddy near to his cheek (its a safe ted!) and he goes immediately back off.

What do you do for A time and how long is it? You can see his A time in the schedule. At the moment we do all sorts of things - he plays sitting on the floor with his toys - things like peek a blocks, stacking cups, activity toys (diff textures) etc as he is learning to sit more stably at the moment and to manipulate toys more successfully. We also do rolling and tummy time, he has an exersaucer which he only had recently so is now getting more physical - all over type exercise than he was, he has a little car which he sits in and travels around the house, he enjoys reading books in our lap, he goes out in his pushchair to the shops, to the nearby lake to feed the ducks etc...

Are there developmental issues such as teething or milestones? Absolutely! He has been teething since 8 weeks but we still havent got any teeth. If he has teething pain we use powders and if necessary calpol. I am sure he is not waking due to teething pain however as I can recognise when this is the problem and it doesnt seem to be when he night wakes.
In terms of milestones - he has been rolling for a month, he has started to show frustration that he can't crawl so is trying hard, and he has started recently to try to copy our vocal sounds and now says ma ma ma and ba ba ba to us and tries hard to "say" other things rather than babble.

Do they have a prop? If so what is it? OOOooh yes - his beloved dummy. Will was a very sucky tiny baby so I used a dummy. We have been able to just use it when he goes down in his cot now as he seems to want it to help him settle. He does not wake when the dummy falls out but if he can't find it when he wakes up he seems to need it to help him settle again - this is not always the case though - sometimes he can self soothe and settle himself.

Do they have a lovie? Yes he has his beloved teddy bear Theodore who lives in his cot and who he grabs with glee when he goes into the cot and snuggles it close to his face. Its a very soft squishy Ty Baby's First Bear. He can usually find Theodore and squish him when he needs him.

Well thats about all I can think of and I have rambled on for ages.. any comments you might want to make or advice you can give woud be truly welcomed as it will hep me to think around whats happening and try to help DH and I get a full night's sleep more often!

H xxx

[Jo-FrasersMum]

Hi Helen

Sorry - but I've got a couple more questions 

How many nights per week does William wake? 
Can you tell me EXACTLY what happens at bedtime - the first "going to sleep" of the night? 

I see that your MIL looks after William during the day - do you work full time?  Since when?

OK, I'll check back in
Jo

[Ennypen]

Hi Jo

Don't apologise about questions - ask away!

William wakes at least twice every single night. We sometimes get away with ony once.. but rarely.

At bedtime on a none bath night... At about 6.45pm my DH (or me if DH isnt in) takes William up to his room and pops him on his changing mat on the floor and gets him ready for bed.. which entails taking off his clothes, changing his nappy, rubbing on lots of cream for his excema and putting on a clean vest and pyjamas. He then snuggles up on daddies lap, we dim the lights and has his bedtime bottle, has a burp and then is popped into his cot and zipped into his grow bag. He grabs his lovie teddy as soon as he is zipped up and then he has his dummy popped in. DH/I then presses the button on his fisher price fish tank - on the lights and soft music setting, kiss him night night, say sleep tight, walk out and shut his door. Most nights he goes straight off to sleep, occasionally he will chat to himself for 5 mins or so than go to sleep.

On a bath night everything is the same except that we go up at about 6.30 and he has his bath with Daddy before getting dressed in his room. Everything ese is the same.

I have been able to leave him to go to sleep by himself for ages now - since he was about 5 months old - if one of us stays in the room it seems to keep him awake as he wants to interact with us.

Both DH and I do work full time - I returned to work in January, then DH had 9 weeks off to care for William until Mom in law took over at the beginning of March. My mother in law comes to our house to care for Will and she takes over and dresses him when he gets out of bed in the morning. She stays usually until he gets up at the end of his afternoon nap then goes home at about 5pm. I then take over and give him his tea. My DH usually does all of the bedtime things as this is the only time he really gets to spend with Will in the week. At weekends I am the one that does all of the morning things with him, we do things as a family in the afternoon and Daddy does the evening things.

Hope this helps buid a picture..

[Jo-FrasersMum]

Hi again Helen

Do you feed William during the night?  If yes, how much?  If no, when did you stop?

Thanks
Jo

[Ennypen]

Hi

No William does not get fed in the night. He dropped a night feed absolutely ages ago - at about 5 months of age.
He has pretty much determined how much he drinks since birth as he was demand fed from the start. He used to wake to be fed at 2am and then started refusing the bottle so we/he dropped it. He then slept through for quite some time and his only night waking was between 4 and 4.30am until recently which is when the pattern I have described started.

H xx

[Ennypen]

Any thoughts from anyone else while Jo is away?

H xx

[Jo-FrasersMum]

Hi Helen

Sorry - but it was night time and I had to go to bed hehehe!!

Well, I can't see anything that really stands out to me in all of the information you have posted that would indicate why you are having increased night wakings.

Obviously the dummy COULD be part of the issue.  The only way you will know for sure is if you wean it    I know PLENTY of mums who decide they will ride out until the LO can replace the dummy themselves - just ride with those extra wakings for the time being and leave the dummy insitu.  However - only you can decide if you want to start to try and eliminate it or keep responding to those extra wakings.  If you do want to wean it - check out the gradual weaning sticky at the top of this board or I think there is one especially for dummy's at the top of the Props board.

OTHERWISE

I would guess these are developmental wakings/separation anxiety wakings.  William's right in the age bracket for it.  My DS went through a phase of increased night wakings because of seperaton anxiety - he was calling out to me to "check" that I was there and would respond to him.  This went on for a couple of weeks until he realised that I WOULD go to him each time he called out - and then the wakings decreased again (not to none, we've never had no night wakings, but back to a more *reasonable* amount).  The way you are responding to him sounds perfect - it certainly doesn't sound like you are introducing any habits that will be hard to break down the track.

Sorry I couldn't give you the *solution* - but I really think you just need to ride these ones out.

Good luck
Jo

[Ennypen]

Jo you are a superstar! 

I am really grateful for your time - I guessed you had gone off to bed since you are on the other side of this lovely planet to me!

In a way I am relieved that you have said what you have.. Ive been reading loads of info on here about these sleeping "problems" that we are having and I came up with the same solution as you in my head. I thought that we were just going to have to grin and bear it and as you say ride it out.

I think that athough the dummy isn't causing him to wake - I think he may just be stirring enough to realise that his dummy isnt there and then he wants it to help him to resettle and when he can't find it it wakes him up more and he moans etc..  Last night when we put him to bed DH and I agreed not to give him his dummy and he went straight off to sleep without it. At about 10.30pm though he woke up and started crying inconsolably - I'm stil not sure why but he is suffering a bit with teething so I am guessing it was that. He had a small amount of calpol and then just wasn't interested in settling without his dummy so I gave it to him lol... Our little dummy removal scheme foiled after just a few hours hehe. I have now come to the conclusion that it helps his to sleep so effectively that I think I am going to ride it out until he either decides he doesnt need it or he can get it himself and settles himself quickly. He doesn't have a dummy in the day at all so it's not going to worry me too much for him to have it at night for longer.

Do you know what - I think I agree about the seperation anxiety thing.. although I thought William was a bit young for it there are signs creeping in. Also as soon as we pop into his room he stops crying and smiles at us and settles back to sleep with his dummy... I will keep an eye out now for it. I am always popping in and out of the room in the daytime and making a game of it etc and he is used to spending a few mins on his own whilst I am in the kitchen but I guess in the night if he wakes and we don't appear he calls out to see if we are there.

Jo you have really helped me to think around this waking and see it not as a problem but as just one of those things us mommies and daddies have to go through on the way. Its nice to have the concern that I am doing something terribly wrong to cause the waking removed. Thanks for saying you feel that I am doing OK with him. He's my first little one so pretty much of it is guess work mixed in with a huge amount of support from this site.

Hugs and appreciation! You're a great mod!

H xxx