My 4 week old refuses to sleep during the day

[Ginapopcorn]

I am hoping somebody can offer me some advice in how to help my 4 week old go to sleep during the day. I'm spending most of my day sobbing out of desperation. If he isn't breast feeding, or being walked in his pram he just screams. He's showing signs of being tired, but just will not go to sleep.

We have tried the Four S routine, and we are trying to get him into the EASY routine, but we are unable to follow it due to his inability to sleep.

So far we have managed to breastfeed at 7am until 7.45am. We then have 20-30 mins of activity (nappy change, sitting in bouncer, lying on floor etc). Then the dreaded sleep time comes, and he just screams. He cries for so long his next feeding time rolls around again, and so the cycle continues. The only way I have managed to get him to sleep so far is by rocking him in my arms and shushing and pating him, and this doesn't work everytime, or he only sleeps for 10 minutes and wakes up crying again.

We have tried everything. I now have to walk away and leave him as I am becoming inconsolable myself with the tiredness of interupted sleep.

He sleeps well during the night, waking only for feeds and being put straight back down, and he goes right back to sleep.

I'm so anxious that i am getting my baby into a bad habit, I'm just a complete mess myself. I'm loosing my sanity with the constant crying.

Please, somebody help me and my poor little frustrated boy. Could it be colic that is making him cry out in pain? He does life his legs a lot and scrunch up his little face.

[sycorrell]

Have to talked to your pediatrician to make sure there is not a medical reason, especially if you think he is in pain or uncomfortable?   I would do that first.  If everything is ok there, keep trying the shush/pat and EASY.  It can take a while to click.  Your baby is still pretty young so the world may still be overwhelming for him.

[Kristy in Aust]

I am sorry that I don't have any miracle cures but I do have a 12 wk old who has been fighting day sleep since he was born so I can empathise.  Isn't it frustrating when you wake up knowing you are about to have another day the same as the day before spent trying to settle an overtired baby.  I also wonder how they can sleep at night and then be so unsettled during the day.  My doctor says it may be due to acid reflux in our case where the baby doesn't actually vomit but they have constant heartburn.  We are currently trialling our baby on a medication to reduce acid production but I'm not convinced it is all of our problem as he is sleeping even better at night but no better during the day.  Good luck and remember there are others of us out there who are looking forward to the day their baby learns to nap yet trying not to wish away these precious early days!
Let me know if you have any successes.

[pipturner]

I can also sympathise with you.  My baby boy is now almost five weeks old and we have been experiencing similar problems.  He will happily sleep in the car/pram so going out is not an issue and he is fabulous at night - it is when we should be most relaxed at home during the day that he has great difficulty settling.  I have also had days when I have been a sobbing mess!  Since last week I have got some great advice from people and have been perisiting with the sshh/pat and have introduced a dummy/paci and things have improved.  We have had our bad days and don't have a 100% success rate but things have been much better.  I sit with my LO in the chair in his room and listen to some soothing music for babies for about 3 minutes.  He happily sucks on the dummy which helps him to relax and remain calm.  I then wrap him tightly in a muslin wrap which is harder to wriggle out of, give him a kiss and then tuck him in.  I then shh/pat and after a while he does start to drift away.  Sometimes when we leave, he starts to grizzle but we stay away for about five minutes (no longer) and he usually settles himself.  A nurse gave me a great tip - when you pat, apply pressure and a little wriggle with your hand when you make contact with his body.  This works for us most of the time.  Remember to perservere, my husband and I have tried everything and think that our biggest problem is that we give up a method too quickly and try something new out before we have persisted with the previous one.
The most important thing is to remain calm yourself and see it through - take deep breaths!
Good luck, let us know how things are going,
CM

[jumblebox]

Ginapopcorn:
Wow... you could be describing our 3.5 mo DS at that age. His record awake time was 9 hours, with maybe three 10-min naps.  For us, things seemed to drastically improve right at the 6 week mark. Now, he cries rarely, and usually for good reason (like when I clipped more than a fingernail, yesterday).

You don't mention how long you've been using BW methods. We got the book when our LO was 2-3 wks, and we chose to implement it gradually. Because he was screaming and not napping, we left independent napping for last. We started with aiming for EASY - the order of things, but not the by-the-clock schedule. As long as he was awake sometime between 6:30-8am, we just fed him and counted that as awake time for the day. We'd feed him about every 3 hours, but if he was awake and fussy earlier, he ate earlier. If he was short on sleep and it was "time to eat", we'd give him 10-15 min... and he usually woke up when he was hungry. We'd play with him for a bit, or let him play on his own, then put him to sleep however we could. Once he started napping consistently, THEN we started working on falling asleep independently. We first wanted him to learn that "after you eat and play, you fall asleep for a while".

If your ped says everything seems normal, here are a few things to try:
: position him on his left side for sleep - if gas is part of the problem, the left side seems to help
: try bicycling his legs a few times a day, maybe as part of winddown
: if you aren't swaddling, definitely try it! If you can get hold of a copy of "Happiest Baby On the Block", it has a good description of how to swaddle securely
: try variations on pat/shh - our DS hated that, but I discovered (during a mutual meltdown) that he likes having his head stroked (like petting a cat) and "shhh, it's okay, close your eyes, relax, go to sleep" repeated (sorta sing-song) at one notch above his current volume, getting quieter as he gets quieter. Find what works.
: if you aren't using a pacifier, you might want to start
: if his cord has fallen off, try taking a warm bath with him (you will need help with this, so someone can hand him into the tub and take him when he's done) The warm water around his belly might help.
: a helpline nurse suggested using a diaper as a baby heating pad for his lower abdomen, by running some warm water into it (check the temp as you would bathwater) Or try a warm washcloth (we had a bowl of warm water, and switched cloths as they cooled)
: definitely try to give him a couple minutes tummy-time, when possible - sometimes it helps push the gas out

I know it seems bad right now. We've definitely been there... and have the broken pacifier that we threw at the wall to prove it!  But there IS a bright side. Your LO seems to have a good sense of day from night. For us, that carried over even when he started napping well. And he sleeps well at night, which has also carried over for us... in fact, paying attention to when he conked out during those first weeks helped us set his bedtime. By pulling his legs up all the time, he'll have strong legs and abs. Basically, it WILL GET BETTER. Follow your instincts and try not to stress about making every detail exactly right. This is about calming and connecting with your baby, and getting to know what works for HIM. Good luck!