EASY questions

[Wei]

Hi

I've just started on a 2.5-3.5 hr EASY this week and had a couple of frustrating days.  My DD just turned 5 weeks old and has spent the last few weeks being rocked to sleep by family visiting from far away... and me too because I couldn't get her to sleep any other way!  I had to back off one day becaus eLO was way over tired (didn't get more than 7 hours sleep) so once she was back on track to her happy self I started again today.  She slept really well last night, oddly enough and actually woke up twice for nightfeeds and slept until 6:30 am and was wide awake happy.  This is the first time she's done that... usually she wakes no later than 5 am.

So this morning I fed (breastfed) her at 6:30am... she played till about 7:10am...we did wind down then by 7:30am I tried to put her down for a nap.  I tried for 45 min with shh-pat and it didn't work so I put her in the swing to ensure she got some sleep without me rocking her.  She woke at 9:40 ish and I fed her for 20 minutes ish... and then she played till about 10:30 where I wound down and laid her to sleep within 10 minutes.  This time I tried shh-pat again and after 45 min she finally went to sleep!  I was so happy!  I stayed a few extra minutes just to make sure she didn't startle.  So she will be due for her next feeding now in about 10 minutes.

I'm just wondering... if at night I choose to put her in the swing just for the last nap before bedtime, will that be bad?  It's just the only time I will get to spend with my husband to converse with him and do some activity with him before bedtime.  Also, my LO makes a messy diaper halfway through the night usually in one of her night feedings... I tend to change her diaper and feed her and then she goes right back to sleep.  I just find that she's not happy unless her diaper is perfectly clean and poopless!  Do any of you ladies change your little one's diapers?  Or are they just happy tos leep through it until morning?

Thanks... it's really been frustrating and I know it will eventually get better.  I just hope I can still have a life and travel to see family with her without messing up her EASY schedule too much!

Oh and the other thing is... Tracy promotes breastfeeding with just one side at a time.  But, I've been doing it with both sides... I am wondering if that's maybe why LO spits up at least once a day.

Any thoughts?


Wei

[Wei]

As an add on to my original message, I ended up getting LO to sleep with shh-pat on her own 2 more times that day but they did take an hour each.  At bedtime, it used to be she'd just eat and then doze right away for 4 hours straight... wake up for a feed and sleep 3 more hours... and then I'd have to struggle to get her to sleep more after a 3rd feed a couple hours later (I found nursing her in bed worked really well... she'd sleep for another 3 hours but I don't want to have her in bed with me for too long!!).  Last night however, it was a complete nightmare... even after an hour of shh-pat she didn't quiet down.  I really don't think she likes to be swaddled... she seems happier when her arms are out of the swaddle but then I'm stuck with the problem that she flails her arms and grabs things when she fusses and cries.  So I really am stuck.  I don't know what to do!  Dh and I got into a big fight last night over this whole EASY thing... ugh. 

She turning 6 weeks soon and I'm just worried if I wait too long to get her into a better habit it'll be hard for her when I start to go back to work in a few months and she has to go to daycare.  Also, I noticed today she may be starting on her growth spurt.  She's always started early on growth spurts and tends to feed anywhere from an hour to an hour and half.  I guess now would not have been a good time to start on EASY!

At wits end,
Wei

[rebecaq]

Hi Wei!

Reading through your post I see one thing that may be the core of the trouble you've been having. Consistancy.  It seems that a lot of the accidental parenting going on is because you're looking for quick fixes.  While it may fix things now it creates a bigger problem later on.  Your dd may be showing resistance to shh/pat because you also rely on the swing to get her to sleep. So in her mind she's going " Hey!! This isn't how we sleep!!" when you try shh/pat. 

Kudos to you for noticing the growth spurt! Many moms tend to think that all their hard work with EASY has gone down the drain out of the blue ( myself included when ds had his first one!  )

EASY takes a while to pay off, but when it does, boy is it nice! Babies have so much going on internally that to have a structured outside world helps them feel safe and at ease.  But don't expect miracles after a few days of EASY it's takes a while, right now her naps may be extended by 5 mins, not much by adult standards but a major improvement for a baby!  Stick to your guns and you will see the pay off.

I know how your hubby feels, mine went through the same thing.  And we put ds on EASY at 4 months so it was hard on our relationship for a few weeks.  Is her bedtime late? Is that why you and your hubby can't spend time together after she goes to bed?

I recommend changing her diaper as soon as she poops. Most babies get upset when left in a soiled diaper for too long, also she may get a rash from it.

Basically remember what Tracy says in her books "Do as you mean to go on" 

Let me know how you get on!

- Beca 

[Wei]

Yay!  I took the swing out for today and it seems to be going well.

Today she managed to go to sleep and have all her naps!  I had to change the shh-pat though.  I had a c-section and the incision is still fairly bruised so it wasn't that comfortable to bend over her crib all the time.  Plus, I could never shh loud enough than her cries!  So I put on a lullaby CD instead and patted her... it turned out to work even better!  The first nap took an hour before she relaxed to sleep but the others...within 10 minutes she would stop squirming and by 30-40 min she was out like a light!

Her naps in the daytime and night vary...but they average anywhere from 45 min to 1.5 hours max.  If she is really tired, it's 2 hours.

Now I'm about to do the dreamfeed.  Hopefully, she'll take to the breast!

Just some questions, how do you manage to incorporate EASY with other things in life... ie. taking a road trip somewhere.  I was thinking I'd time the nap periods of 1-2 hours as "driving" periods since she always falls fast asleep in the car no matter what.  We'd stop for a feed and then activity time and then go back on the road if she started to show sleepy signs.  (And put on her lullaby CD in the car)

Any thoughts?  Thanks.

Wei

[rebecaq]

I'm so happy to hear that things are going well    I'm very glad that you took the swing out, it's difficult when they get dependent on it. 

As for being sore from a C-Section, I know what you mean. It was awful for me at first. But it will get better in time 

 I think the lullaby CD is a great option!!

As for implementing EASY on trips. you're on the right track. Plan S time for driving and pull over for E and A time, and also strech your legs for a bit    And don't stress out if naptime isn't at the same time everyday. Remeber EASY is a routine, not a unbreakable contract. Your just getting her used to not depending on anything but herself to sleep, like nursing, rocking etc etc etc.

When are you going on your trip and where?? 

- Beca

[Wei]

Hi Beca,

Thanks for that tip!  The only thng was last night DD kept on waking up every 2 or 2.5 hours or so... not sure if it's because I implemented EASY or if I'm right about her growth spurt.  She usually sleeps 4 hours straight, then 3 hours, then 2...and then I have to nurse in bed for 3 more hours.  I suppose if that doesn't change by this weekend then it's probably something else other than a growth spurt.  Then, that means I have no clue how to fix that!  She took the dreamfeed too but still woke up 2 hours later.  What else could it be if it's not a growth spurt?  And, I stil haven't taken out nursing her in bed and letting her fall asleep with me for the last feed after 5am... it was the only way I could get her to sleep longer.  In total, her bedtime lasted about 11 hours.  I think next week, once I'm sure what she's going through is or isn't a growth spurt, I will take that away too and just shh-pat her back to sleep.

By the way, when it comes to poopy diaper changes in the middle of the night... should I still be doing that after a feed?  Or should I change it first and let her feed then sleep??  I'm a little confused about that.

We aren't going very far.  We live in Nova Scotia, Canada... and we were going to drive up to Cape Breton to see the Cabot Trail sometime in the next few weeks.  It was going to be a mom and dad trip... we decided once a month we needed a date night or some sort of sanity trip (even if it's only 1/2 hours away) just to get away.  So far, I don't really keep a schedule of EASY for her.. I just make sure she gets E, A, S.

Ok..gotta go nap while I still can.

Thanks,
Wei

[rebecaq]

Hey Wei,

I agree with you in waiting a few days to see if it's the growth spurt that's waking her.  If after a few days you see she's still waking at night then we need to see if it's hunger or habitual waking. 

As for the poopy diaper, it depends. Does she get awakened by a diaper change? If so, then I'd change her before or in the middle of a feed. I would nurse my ds on one side, change his diaper so he would come back to the land of the living (nursing really concked him out! ) and then he'd nurse on the other side.  If she has no problems with a diaper change then you can do it afterwards. Just as long as she's not in a poopy diaper all night 

Your date night with your dh sounds great. I hope you guys have a great time and can unwind 

Talk to you soon

- Beca

[NiknLily]

Hi
Just thought I'd give you some hopeful news my DD woke frequently through the night for a long time then gradually the time after dream feed started to extend until she naturally dropped one feed at a time down to just one feed at about 4am.  I found it best although quite hard sometimes to dream feed no sooner than 11pm to really max the time she would sleep after.  I also had to change her at the dream feed and in the early days in middle of night, I found it best to change first quickly but quietly then feed, my DH would sometimes have to placate her with kisses while I wipt through the change but that way she would be asleep by the time feed was over and most times could be laid straight back down with no bother.  This wont last long tho' once she's dropped down to 1 night feed you probably will only have to change nappy at dream feed.  At some point she stopped pooing at night and now she sleeps through the night her last change is after bathtime.
I guess what I'm saying is stick with it, soon 3am nappy changes will be a thing of the past.
All the best
Nik

[Wei]

Well, things definitly weny downhill yesterday...just a couple questions.  She still wakes up often at night and is wide awake.  I'm not sure if it's still hunger or needs help slleeping...her signs have been confusing!

She gets out of her swaddle (even the aussie one) so I have to redo it occassionally.  Should I be feeding her in swaddle mode for night feeds?

And I'm a little confused about shhh-pat for 5 wk old.  The moment I lay her down should i be doing it`constantly? or only when she fusses?

I find that shh-pat works great when at home but when i'm out and about i have to rock her to sleep.  I just don't see a way around it.
thanks
Wei

[NiknLily]

Hi
I'm sure the moderators will have better advice than me, but I always feed swaddled, well not actually swaddled but more wrapped pigs in blankets style! I found that although free hands could be a problem in early days she soon found her fists for comfort even tho her aim wasn't brilliant she soon got the hang and would suck at the fleshy heel of her thumb.  Anyway back to feeds, if you feed them all wrapped up you don't have to disturb them at end of feed just lay them back down.
With regard to shush-pat we never could get to grips with it, it would work until she was laid down then she would wake again.  Its very good at quieting a crying baby but for some I think is too much for them to fall asleep with.  I found the only way I could sort out the getting to sleep problem was to really beat her to it with bed time cutting her A time back so there was no way she was overtired, I would cuddle her and shush quietly and very very gently rock more of just a slight movement then as she was nodding would hold her still and when I was sure she was asleep I would lay her down.  She would sometimes wake with a jolt so I would first just lay my hand on her and shush, if that failed I would pick her up and start again.  As she got more happy with this way of settling I started to put her down just before she was falling asleep until at about 8weeks I would do a very quick Four S wind down (max 4mins) then put her down and she would turn her head find a hand the suck and go straight to sleep.  At some point I actually realised that the more I tried to help her go to sleep the harder she found it to settle.
With regards to breast feeding, you mention feeding from both sides, I don't want to teach granny how to suck eggs but are you sure she's getting to the hind milk before swapping sides, and as its still early days for your milk supply you may want to do a yield to make sure you are producing enough, you can compare how much you pump with what a bottle fed baby should be getting, and remember the experts say a baby can get at least an ounce more than a pump.  By doing a yield it will satisfy you that you are producing enough and I found that by pumping some off, even if it didn't get drunk, it helps to increase your supply.  I think thats another reason why you should be really sure baby has drained a boob and then some, to ensure your body can produce enough from just one side so when they are going through a growth spurt or are just extra hungry you have got the other side in reserve as it where.
Hope this is helpful and remember to get extra sleep yourself during the day when she sleeps as a tired mummy tends to lead to a less happy baby and could effect your milk supply too.
Big hugs
Nik

[rebecaq]

Wei,

Is she a spirited baby? Does she do fine out of the swaddle? Some babies don't depend on the swaddle, for example my spirited boy.  Also, are you using a wedge?

Also remeber that shh/pat has to be done correctly in order to work.  The patting on her back has to be rythmic as does the shhh part. And remember to keep going even if she has settled, keep going until you see her really zone out. It can take anywhere from 20 - 30 mins start to finish.  Use your hands to block visual stimulation if you see that to be a problem to.

I also agree with Nik about doind a yield. It will help to see how your supply is and that stored milk can be used to top her off or fro a dreamfeed. And also nap nap nap whenever you can!

Let me know how it goes

- Beca

[Wei]

She's supposed to be an angel and textbook baby but she's been anything but since starting on EASY.  I'm confused!
What's a wedge?  I mostly use rolled up receivng blnkets to support her from rolling onto her tummy.

Tonight she is a nightmare.  I tried the shh-pat with music for naps today and only had to do them to calm her down when she cried lying in the crib but stopped when she stopped.  She would fall alseep on her own within 30 min.  But going to bed tonight is a different story.  She's a nightmare!  I have to admit I messed up the swaddle and had to do it a couple of times...which might have set off her crying and it's turned into an all out shriek.  Once it gets to that point, nothing I do will calm her down except..time.

I will have to feed her soon again since she's getting close to what would have been her dreamfeed.

Wei

[NiknLily]

Hi Wei
So sorry your having such a rough time of it.  A wedge is a pre-made rolled up blanket in effect, so rolled up blankets will do just fine.  Its excellent news that the naps seem to be getting better, and she is now proving she can fall asleep on her own, even if at this stage its taking 30mins the time it takes her will get shorter and shorter, I promise. 
With regard to bed time and indeed all the night time wakings, is she getting enough sleep during the day to get a good restful sleep at night? she may well be extremely overtired by bed time which would explain why she cant settle and gets very upset.  My DD is exactly the same, if the days been too long or she hasn't had good naps she is far too overtired to get to sleep at bedtime, she is now 16weeks 4days and is still the same. 
When I started EASY I started on the 3hr EASY based on the one set out in Tracy's book page 25 'typical EASY day for 4week old'. I didn't worry too much about the timing's tho and I worked more on getting the right amount of sleep from her first, so for example if she woke at 7am and fed for 20-30 mins then A time for 30-40mins I new I wanted to get a min of 1.5hrs sleep from her before her next feed even if it took 1hr to get her to sleep I would still let her sleep until she'd had 1.5hrs, obviously if she woke sooner hungry I would feed her and start the cycle over but again I would try to get 1.5hrs sleep the next time, aiming to get 3 1.5hr sleeps and 45min catnap before bath, I would seldom manage to get the last 30min nap before last cluster feed but wasn't too worried about that. 
As Tracy says 'good sleep begets good sleep' and in doing this I think it helped establish good nap times of 1.5hrs rather than 30mins here and 45mins there.  If you get this part of the routine sorted then gradually as she gets better and better at falling asleep for her naps you will be able to bring the timings in line with the 3hr cycle.  And hopefully if she's getting enough sleep during the day her night time sleep should improve.
The other thing is I found that a 7.30pm bedtime is just too late in the day for her, even at 16weeks a much better bedtime is max 7pm although depending on how well the day has gone even that can be too late and a 6.30/6.45 works best.  I think some babys simply need more sleep than others, which is definitely the case with my DD as even now the textbook says she can be awake 2hrs at a time which she cant she can still only manage 1 session at 1.75hrs and the rest at 1.5hrs otherwise bedtime is a nightmare.
Lastly, sorry I'm on a roll here, I didnt implement a rigid bedtime routine of feed, bath, lullaby and bed for along time, I think mainly because the days were quite messy, sometimes it was just too late, othertimes I just couldnt be bothered as I was tired myself... BUT and it was a big BUT when I finally got my act together and started doing the same routine before bedtime every day suddenly she got so much better at going to sleep at night and slept so much sounder, so I really cant Emphasise enough how important a relaxed happy bedtime ritual is.
Sorry I've gone on so long, hope its helpful
Big Hugs
Nik

[Wei]

Hi Nik,

Last night was terrible for bedtime but after I fed her (1.5 hrs past putting to bed time) she relaxed and went to sleep in 15 min.  However, I had to do 2 wakings after to feed her.. .the final one being in bed with me because mom was soooo tired.  I think I will start weaning her off of nursing in bed right before wakeup.  She wasn't very easy to get to bed this morning after her first feed with me in bed.

I would love for her to get 1.5 hours sleep everytime.  Yesterday she only slept 2 45 min naps in the daytime and took an hour in the afternoon... then 1.5 hrs in the evening before last eating before bed.  This morning she took her first nap for 1.5 hrs so I hope this second one that she's in will last as long.  I just go with however much sleep she needs.  I think her growth spurt, if that's what she's going through, could be slowing down because she's able to sleep a little longer in her naps.  Before then, she was napping short ones and waking up really hungry.  Today she took her 1.5 hour nap and was not overly anxious or desperate to eat... she was quite relaxed.

But, her bedtimes are not all at the same time.  She's usually at her most alert stage around 7ish... so I guess she likes to go to bed around 8ish.

I just started on a bedtime routine to let her distinguish the difference between nap time and bedtime.  Hopefully that will help, along with not nursing her in bed...but we'll see in the coming weeks.  Bedtime is now E about 20-30 min and then A is massage for 10 min after diaper change and then Sleep.  I'm hoping once she sees that after a massage there is no real activiy time anymore after feeds, she will et the point.  I don't know how long that will take!  Just as long as she keeps taking naps during the day... I can still catch up on some missed sleep.  I'm just glad she naps now!  I was having such a hard time with that until I started EASY... and bedtime wasn't too bad.. it's worse now but my accidental parenting wasn't always working either.

Thanks for the info!!  I have a feeling this board may be hearing from me more and more as the days go on and I run into some more confusion.

Wei

[Wei]

So last night, her bedtime schedule went something like this.  DD is turning 6 weeks tomorrow!  My first week of EASY has been trying.

E 8:40 pm
A 9:10 pm 10-15 min baby massage
S 9:25 pm.... but it took 50 minutes for her to settle and conk out.  For some reason, bedtime take a lot longer to get her to sleep than any of her 3 naps earlier in the day!

Dreamfeed 11:25pm

E 1:48am
S 3:30  (she needed 40 min of help to conk out)

E 5:35 am
S 6 am (conked out after eating)

E 7:14 (woke up unwrapped herself... hunger??)
S 7:50

E 9:30 good morning!

Now. this schedule isn't much different than the day before when I tried to tank her up every 2 hours.  Yesterday I just let her sleep through her 1.5 hr naps instead of waking her.  Is there something I'm doing wrong that keeps getting her up??  I can't figure it out.

Wei
Wei