Frustrated with a 10 week old - case of accidental parenting

[owensmommy]

Hi there,  I need some advice and help.  My husband is in the military and I'm dealing with this alone.

My baby is now 10 weeks old.  At 3 weeks he developed a milk allergy and we struggled to diagnose it.  For about four weeks he would scream and flail, as if he had very bad colic that lasted all evening, and then this transitioned to a 24 hour problem.  During this time I held him a lot, he only fell asleep in my arms for 45 minute naps (waking screaming from pain) and at night, he fell asleep exhausted on my chest. 

When we diagnosed the milk allergy and I removed milk from my diet he improved a lot.  However, he got used to falling asleep in my arms and sleeping on the go or on me. I liken it to accidental parenting - I didn't realize how quickly the habit would form.

This week I began to tackle naps - planning to leave the night time sleep issues until I resolve his daytime problems.

He usually falls asleep at 9:45pm and wakes twice (2:15am and 6:15am) to feed at night.  Now remember that he's sleeping on me still.  At 6:15am I feed him and he struggles with gas, which wakes him up.  We feed, change diaper and have light activity, usually sitting in his chair while I get a bite to eat.  Then by 7:30am he is ready for bed again.  If I let him fall asleep in my arms, he'll go down for 45 minutes, but he fights being put down.  Right now he wakes as soon as he's put down, then I soothe him, often have to pick him up and calm him as he starts screaming and flailing.  Usually I can eventually get him to go down, but then is only for 45 minutes.

I need some help.  Other points to note, we were using a bassinet and I decided that I'd like him to start using his crib for naps now.  I'm worried if I don't make this transition at the same time as trying to extend the naps he'll outgrow the bassinet's weight limit before I make progress!

Any advice would be appreciated.  Most importantly, should I tackle the nap issues first and then deal with night time sleep.  I'm worried that the longer he sleeps on my at night the worse it will be to help teach him something new but I don't want to change his world in one day.

[owensmommy]

I've done some reading of other threads so that I don't repeat questions asked by others.  My son is on his second nap of the day and we have some progress.

I hadn't heard of the wind down or the shh-pat techniques but I am employing them now.  My plan is that when I see his tired signs (yawning, whining tone to his talk), we go to his room, turn down the lights, diaper change and song.  He isn't used to the swaddling so he needs to calm down first or it just throws him into a loop.  So we sit in the chair and I use shh-pat.  He is used to rocking/walking but I held him and tried sitting and standing.  He began to cry and whine more - then be calmed and began to drift off.  That's when I swaddled him and then held him before laying him in his crib - he was almost asleep but not completely and this was all without a paci, which he is also used to having. 

The first nap lasted 1/5 hours in total which is awesome.  At 45 minutes, he stirred and I re-swaddled and used shh-pat, putting him back down as he calmed quickly and went back to bed.  Then he slept another 20 minutes, stirred and needed to be calmed, then another 20 minutes before he woke hungry.  He was still tired and yawming after but too awake to go back down. 

I followed the same routine and he behaved similarily for his second nap, which began 1 hr and 15 minutes after the last one.  He is asleep now.

If I begin to tackle his night-time sleep issues tonight as well, should I continue with him sleeping in his crib (the same as his naps)?  He is only 2 months old and it would be nice to have him closer but I can understand that I need to put his development first and if he'll handle it better to move to the crib all at once then that's what I want to do.

Should I expect him to sleep the same routine as he is now, or will moving him off of me likely mean he'll wake up a lot more during the night?

[owensmommy]

Stacy - Thank you so much.  We have had a lot of progress today.  Owen napped from 7:30am - 9am, from 10:15am-11:30am, from 12:30pm-2:40pm (two hours!!!) and is down for his fourth nap.   

I've been fine tunning our routine all day and will continue to tomorrow.  This time I swaddled earlier and it actually went over fairly well - I think I caught his window properly.

At this point he's only staying awake for about one hour in between naps and to be honest, I see him yawning a few times during that hour.  I'm not sure but I think he could take longer naps and may once he gets used to our new routine and sleeping alone.  Do you have any advice on how many/how long his naps and awake periods should be, he is 10 weeks old and was born one week past his due date.

This weekend was a nightmare for me so I really appreciate all the help.  I feel a lot more confident.  We'll see how tonight goes.