How do I get my newborn to sleep with my toddler around?

[mkmommy]

Hi all.  My name is Sara and I just gave birth to my beautiful dd 8 days ago.  I also have a 19 month old.  So yeah, I am feeling a bit overwhelmed right now.  With my 1st lo, we started him on the EASY routine around 6 weeks old.  It was wonderful and we all really benefited from it.  And he became the most amazing sleeper too.  Before that it was very erratic and naps were hard to come by but that was because I wasn't reading his cues correctly and he was overtired. 

But anyways... since it worked so well with my ds, I am wanting to put my dd on EASY too.  We've been loosely following it because she is so young still and we're trying to get to know each other.  I'm finding my biggest problem right now is trying to get her to sleep during her sleep window.  I'm failing miserably because my poor son is having a hard time adjusting and wants/needs my attention.  My dd ends up getting overtired and stimulated so easily and ends up just crying.  I try to get her relaxed which sometimes works and sometimes doesn't.  When I put her in her crib she either is quiet for a few minutes and I think we've made it and then she starts crying or she immediately starts crying.  When I started to implement EASY with my son, I could spend 20+ minutes doing shh/pat to help him to sleep.  He ended up just needing me to leave him alone and he'd put himself to sleep with about 5 minutes of crying/fussiness.  I can't spend 20+ minutes holding and shhing my dd while my ds is at my legs crying because he wants me.  My mom is here and she's been a great help, but she leaves in a few days and then what do I do?  How can I get my newborn to sleep with my 19 month old hanging onto me?

My dh says I should just put our dd in the crib and she'll figure it out, like how our ds did.  But I just can't let her cry.  I have ended up rocking her or nursing her to sleep (which will be hard to do once my mom leaves and can't help with my son), plus half the time she wakes up shortly after and I don't want to do any Accidental parenting.  I've only had one success so far.  Since my son was already down for his nap today, I was able to start our wind down after her first yawn and we did the shh/pat for a few minutes.  She was very drowsy when I put her down but of course her eyes went wide open once she hit the crib.  I patted her back until she was drowsy again and then just left.  but now it's been 45 minutes and she's awake.  I'm just afraid I won't be this successful when my ds is awake.

So, if you're still with me... how do you do EASY and especially naps with you newborn when you have a toddler vying for your attention too.

Thanks so much and I hope I made sense!  Sara

[Maeve]

Congratulations on your new baby!
We have almost the same age gap (20 months) and I made sure we had Con sleeping well before Cathal was born. I don't know if I did would work for you but here it is for what it's worth. I must say first that Cathal was a good sleeper by nature (he's shocking now, but that's reflux).
I asked Con, when it was time for Cathal's nap if he wanted to go into his own cot or the travel cot to play while Cathal was going to sleep. Both has toys in them and I had the curtains open etc. to make it clear I wasn't putting him to bed. I read in Tracey's book that toddler's like a choice between 2 options so that's why I did that. He as usually happy enough to go in and I am still doing it, although at times it could be a bit noisy, with the bouncing and the throwing the toys around.
The other thing was I made it so that for one nap they would go at the same time, and because Con is a good sleeper I could just put him into his cot and take the time with Cathal. And I am still doing that too.
I guess my way would only work if you have a child who is happy to play in his cot, but Con had ever done it before Cathal was born.
I will warn you that in our case Con's nights got disturbed and he started waking and needing reassurance in the night. I didn't know whether to go in to him or not but I did, partly to avoid waking the new baby, and partly because I knew it was such an upheaval for Con to have a new baby brother.
This mightn't work for you at all, but good luck  whatever you do!

[Isabella and Scarletts mummy]

Hi Sara, congratulations on your new LO!
My DDs are 15.5 months apart, and it was difficult trying to implement EASY at first. DD1 is a good sleeper, and still has a two hour nap each afternoon, so that made life a little easier. I know this isn't strictly BW but i had DD2 downstairs for naps(first in her moses basket, then her pram), so DD1 was with me, as she wasn't very happy to be left, and i concerntrated on one or two naps a day. It's so hard when they're little and still need so much sleep, so sometimes she napped in the carseat, sometimes, the sling, and sometimes on me. Again, i know thats not strictly BW, but that worked for us, especially in the early days when i was tired. Your LO is still so young, i just concentrated on trying to get the feeding routine established (DD2 was on 2-2.5 hr EASY until she was about 6 weeks), and slowly worked the rest of it out. We also had a lot of 45 minute naps, and some days we just had lots of naps!
I'm 6 months on from where you are now and it does get easier!
Good luck , and enjoy your new baby they grow up so fast don't they

[mkmommy]

Thanks for your replies.  i know that we'll get through this but it's still hard.  Today had been a very difficult day.  My mom finally took my dd so that she'd slpee in her arms and I could take a nap while my toddler rested.  I'm trying not to stress too much andjust take one day at a time but...

Anyways, thanks ladies.  I've been reading a lot on the boards these past couple days and have read a lot of great things.  I'm sure you'll see me back with my own questions soon.

Sara 

[deenz]

Congratulations on your new baby!  I also have 19m between my two, and I know how difficult it is in the beginning.   You've got great advice from the others, so I haven't got much more to add.  Just wanted to say, don't be too hard on yourself.  Do what you have to do, especially for these first few weeks.  It does take longer to get to know the second child (I found anyway) so work on that.  If your ds watches TV, you could put a DVD etc on for the half hour or so to work on the nap (dd1 pretty much never watched TV/DVDs until dd2 came along!).  Don't work on all the naps in the day.  Maybe aim for one or two (try to get dd napping at same time as ds).  Go for a walk, then dd can nap in the buggy.  Look after yourself!  My biggest lifesaver was introducing a dummy (paci) at 1m (I was/am bf'ing, so wanted to leave it for a while).  It does get easier!!