Another post on separation anxiety....

[jennyb133]

Hi!  Not sure where I should post this, but I saw a few other posts on separation anxiety so I guess this is the place to be.

It's not so bad during the day, I can get him to play independantly for awhile, as long as I'm in site. But the meltdown occurs at sleep time. My DS is 11 mos. old now. Here's my story:

We've basically been winging things the whole month of Oct. & I can't wait to get back into routine. Naps are all over the place, I don't know where to start!!

Problems first started first week of Oct. James had a cold. He was extra-clingy b/c of being sick & having early wakes 5:30-6am.  After he recovered from being sick he was still x-tra clingy esp. to me at nap & bedtime.  He would start hyperventilating at the site of his crib & cling to me for dear life & scream when put in his crib.  Obviously really bad separation anxiety.  Then he learned how to stand  & every time I went to lay him down, he would stand right back up, clinging to his crib bars & screaming & crying till I picked him up.  I know these probs. are all part of developmental milestones...learning to crawl on all 4's finally, standing up, sitting on his own along with separation anxiety, it's a mess.  I've resorted to rocking him to sleep b/c it's the only way he will calm down if he cuddles in my arms, I rock him, then falls asleep, then I can lay him in the crib.  If he wakes up, I can go in & rub his back until he falls back asleep. It gives him comfort knowing I'm there, but if I wait too long to go in, He'll be standing & I can't get him to lay back down to rub his back, so I have to pick him up & rock him again. Also, he won't snuggle up to DH in the rocking chair, it has to be mommy.  It's so exhausting.

I thought I would have trouble at daylight savings b/c of the early wakes, but I put him to bed later & he started waking up later. He slept till 7 or 8am the whole week of daylight savings!! I was shocked but was hoping the new 8pm bedtime was the trick.  I also now think he was extra tired from lack of daytime sleep.  Now he is back to 6am wake-ups, don't know how this all happened.  He is a very bad napper now & used to be so good. Up until Oct. He would take a 1.5 to 2hr. morn. & aft. nap.  Now he will take a 30min to 1hr. nap in the morn. & either a 30min. aft. nap or none at all & sometimes I'll just go out & run errands in the afternoon b/c at least I know he'll nap in the car.  Then he is overtired & cranky come the evening & can't even make it to 8pm.  Don't know what to do. 

I was browsing through some of the boards & separation anxiety section just mentioned wi/wo, but when I walk in, he doesn't calm down.. he reaches out for me.  And the napping is such a mess. I don't think he's ready for 1 nap & if so I think it should be an afternoon nap to break up the day better, but he seems to go for a morn. nap over an aft. one most times.

Any suggestions?  Or know where I can post to get help?

Thanks.

[jayne]

sorry you are going thru this... i do think you will get more help on a sleep board.. let me ask the other moderators the best place to move this thread...

you will get some great help from the sleep guru's here

[Florencia]

Hi Jenny and welcome to toddlerland! the fun never stops and the only constant is change LOL.

It sure there's a lot going on with lo cause yes, you're right, there's a peak in sep anxiety before the one year mark, along with the illness and all the developmental stuff. You might not want to hear this but all the signs point to switch him to one nap. And an earlier bedtime. You mention he's more likely to go down for a nap at morning, what are his nap times right now? It will be very useful if you post what his regular day looks like but at his age the guidelines are 4 to 4.5 hours of awake time before each nap and bedtime. Anything shorter than that and you'll face what you're facing which is extremely short nap and an overtired baby that won't go down easily.

Meantime I'd suggest you to try play time in his crib so he won't associate it with the terror place. But a tweaking is needed asap to get this working.

HTH and good luck!

[jennyb133]

Jayne- thanks for the quick reply & moving the post to where you think I'd get the best help!  I still can't believe my baby is a toddler now & I never even thought to check out the toddler boards!!!!

Florencia-  I was afraid someone would say it's time for 1 nap!! Oh, & I knew someone would want to see our routine , but the thing is we haven't really had a routine & have been winging it for the past month!  So, I'll attempt to write out what been happening most recently:

Wake up: Anytime between 6am & 7:30am
Then I breast feed.
Then playtime.
Breakfast around 8:30 or earlier if he got up at 6.
Then he starts showing tired signs anywhere from 9a-10am if he got up at 7am, but can be as earlier as 8:30 if he got up at 6 which is why I'll give b-fast earlier.
Sometimes he'll go down easy for an am nap, sometimes it's a struggle.  If he does go down, he'll sleep anywhere from 30mins to 1hr.40mins (which is long, but what he did for DH yesterday while I was at work).
If he does not go down, I'll just take him out of his crib b/c He'll get hysterical crying & all of a sudden it's like he got a second wind- he's not tired anymore & he'll play some more.  A few days ago he did this & I fed him lunch at 12pm. Then he was finally ready for a nap at 12:30pm & slept for 1 hr.  Then refused another nap later, but was overtired & cranky come bedtime & went to bed 7pm.
If he gets his morn. nap., he'll still refuse a pm nap. And sometimes I can sneak one in, but only lasts 20-30mins.
He gets dinner around 4:30/5pm.
Then bath anytime between 5:30/6:30pm
Then I try a wind down at 6:30- PJ's, reading a story,
then Breastfeed again.
Bedtime anywhere between 7pm or 8pm.  If he got some good day sleep he can make it to 8 with no prob. But if not, I have to do a 7pm bedtime & sometimes even start putting him in the crib at 6:30pm if he was really bad napper b/c he's getting overtired then wi/wo 6:30-7pm. And I've even resorted to rocking him to sleep b/c of the SA he needs some extra cuddles & reassurance.

I've wanted to try to introduce a lovey b/c I thought that would help. But he doesn't seem attached to any particular stuffed animal. And he has so many blankies. I wanted him to get attached to this smaller blanket with a silkie trim, but he seems to prefer this big, heavy handmade afghan. He likes the holes in it. And he puts his fingers through the holes & we play peek-a-boo when we get him in the crib with it. I didn't really want that to be his lovey, b/c it's big & heavy. But I had it out of his crib for awhile in the laundry. And when I brought it back to him he got so very excited & snuggled up to it.  So I now am putting it on him when I rock him & also when I breastfeed so maybe it will help.

OK, hope I got enough info. in there so I can get some help!

I really appreciate it!

Jenny

[jennyb133]

Well, I haven't gotten any replies in a few days...
The separation anxiety is getting better, the afghan is really helping.  He didn't have it one night & when he woke I brought it into him, he got so excited, grabbed it, snuggled up to it, & fell right back asleep without a fuss!  AMAZING! So, he doesn't really freak out when I bring him in the crib now, but he does fuss & whine for awhile before falling asleep.

As for switching to 1 nap. Still don't know what to do. His routine is still all over the place. Here's the last 3 days:

Sunday: 
7am, woke up & BF
8:30am Breakfast
10am church
11:30am early lunch
12pm sleep
2:30pm wake up (I was so excited he slept for 2.5 hrs. b/c he hasn't been sleeping long lately. I thought this would be great for the rest of the day, but it wasn't.  He was totally cranky the rest of the afternoon till bedtime)
3pm Snack
5pm Dinner
6pm Bath
6:30 BF
7pm Bed

Monday:
7:30 Wake up & BF (I was glad he got up later b/c I thought he would have a long A time in the morn. & have a great nap)
8:30/9 can't remember exactly, but Breakfast.
10am showing all sorts of tired signs, rubbing eyes, yawning, whining. Put him in the crib & immediately fell asleep without a fuss with his blanket.
11:30am woke up (so he slept 1.5 hr. in the morn)
12 Lunch
1:30 Gave some milk thinking he should fill his belly, before attempting to put down for afternoon nap.
2pm Put him in crib b/c he was showing tired signs, but this time he did not want to go down. Kept standing in his crib. I played with him a little bit to get him comfortable in his crib, then walked out. He was quiet & not fussing, but he wasn't asleep. Just had some quiet, alone play time in there.
3pm Got him out b/c he wasn't sleeping, & he was calling out for me b/c he got bored. Gave him a snack & the rest of his milk when he got up
5pm Dinner
6:30 Bath
7pm BF
7:30pm Bed, fell asleep as soon as head hit the crib, actually was starting to fall asleep during the BF

Tuesday:
6:15am Early wake up, but I was glad b/c I had to work & wanted to BF before going to work.
6:45am I left for work, & this is what my sister reported (she babysits).
8am Got really tired, so she put him for an early nap.
11:30am Woke up (That's right he slept for 3.5 hours!!!  If I was there, I would have woken him up sooner, so that he could sleep in the afternoon, & she said she thought that he prob. needed the sleep, but figured he wouldn't take an afternoon nap)
2pm tired again & she put him down for another nap!
3pm Wake up (he slept another hour!!! She said she was shocked too. Didn't know why he was sleeping so much, but didn't seem sick or feverish)
4:30/5:30 not sure exactly, but dinner
6:30pm bedtime milk in a cup
7:15pm DH put him to bed for the night.
7:45 I got home from work. ( I work 12.5 hr. shifts 2days/week)

So 3 different days, 3 totally different naps. The last one was way wacky & unexpected.

Should I be following his tired signs or should I just clock watch & put him down at specific times to get back on a routine?
Also, a lot of times I don't think he's ready for just one nap. If it is time for 1 nap though, I need help tweaking the schedule so that he will sleep 3 hours at one time.  I thought they could stay on 2 naps up to 18 months, & he's not quite a year yet.

[jayne]

have you checked in the napping forum.. just to see if there is some answers there? i know they have alot of FAQ's in that forum.. pm me ifyou need more help--sorry i cant help you with the napping but i can try to get you where others can help you

[Florencia]

Hey Jenny first off my apologies for taking so long to answer you. i remember reading your previous post and actually answering it but it might have gotten lost on the cyber space. Mommy brain and my stupid pc at work are not really helpful LOL. I get to lose lots of answers here because of slow internet conection.

Then, I know your lo is sending confusing signals and that's expected when they start showing they need to switch to one nap. His reluctancy to go down for the second nap makes me think so. The large amount of sleep on Tuesday might have been due to the need of compensate lost sleep on previous days.

What I'm thinking here is a slow transition so he doesn't end up overtired. Since he's showing tired sings right when his first nap should be, I'd strongly suggest to make him hold on for a longer awake period by offering a high calorie snack, such as fruit and yoghurt, crackers and cheese, etc. That will boost his energy up and will let him hold on for a longer period, and will help you extend his AM activity without overtiring him. Then try and put him down around the 4.5hr. mark (that is, 4.5 hours of A time in the morning) and let him sleep as long as he wants to. If he wakes before 130 pm, then offer a second catnap around 330. It is very likely he won't have it, just like the other day he'd rather have quiet time. I remember what I personally did was to walk in the stroller around the block or drive for a while. Don't worry it won't stablish bad sleep habits cause he's already sleep trained and going down by himself for nap1 and bedtime. This catnap should be no longer than 30 mins, specially if it's after 330 pm. If he still won't take that catnap, bedtime should be no further than 630 pm again, to avoid overtiredness. If he does take the catnap make bedtime around 7 or 730 pm.

THis is a tricky process but in my own experience (this is exactly what i did cause i also had to switch ds to one nap when he was really young, before the 1 year mark) it was better to offer the catnap at the stroller/car cause that way i wouldn't be fighting him for sleep and he would relax sooner and better that way. IT didn't last long either cause he started to get better at the long A time in the mornings and sleep longer for his nap so time for catnap started shortening until it vanished it self.

HTH and good job on finding a good lovey! (even if it's not perfect for you, lo seems thrilled to have it!). Keep us posted and let me know your thoughts on the plan.

[jennyb133]

Thanks for the advice. I'll let you know how it goes. One more question though, if he wakes 6/6:30am I'll have to put him for nap at 10:30/11, so he'll sleep through lunch. And if he wakes 7/7:30, I'll have to put him down at 11:30/12, so should I give any early lunch?  I know you said give a snack in the morn., but just wondering where lunch will fit in this schedule. And how long should his nap be at this age? I thought when they made transition to 1 nap it was to be a long afternoon nap like 2-3hrs.  How long do you have to cat-nap before they drop it? Just wondering how long this whole process will take.

As for today, he woke early again 6:30. Napped 9am-10am.  Early lunch 11:30. Napped 12-12:45.  Then wanted to BF at 1:30 (I actually just cut out the afternoon BF bout a week & a half ago. I'm just BF morn. & bedtime. But he was really fussing & I think now he is teething on top of all this  , so I put some baby anbesol on & BF) Now at 2pm, he's sleeping again!  I guess he's playing catch up on the sleep. But I would rather do away with the short naps, have longer A time & longer S time.

Oh, & b/c it's hard to follow my routine, I'll let you know how his routine was when he was on one.
After waking, he would have 2-2.5 hr. awake time
After AM nap, he would have 3 hr. awake time
After PM nap, he would have 4hr. awake time.
So, his awake time got longer as the day progressed. And naps were 1.5hrs. each.

[Florencia]

I'm thinking he might be getting an infection or a growth spurt, hence the fussing for bf at 1 and the various and rare sleep cycles. I'd wait for a couple of days before starting any sleep training and have him checked with the dr. Something's up here...

If he's healthy and not having a growth spurt, then give the one nap a go, keeping in mind that the early morning snack might end up in lunch given the timing. I'm not able to tell you when lunch should be since that depends on each child. Some are fine taking a snack and then waking for lunch and some others like better an early lunch. You're gonna have to watch him and decide what he prefers. Same with the nap lenght and process lenght. It child is different hence the need for each one to find their own routine and rest. James might start taking a short nap (around 1,.5 hours) and then start lenghtening it as he gets used to his own schedule. There's not a "right" or "wrong" nap. If you feel he's still tired after waking then he might need a catnap in the afternoon or a super early bedtime. It's all about tweaking when it comes to this switching so there are no written rules about it. YOu play it by ear and decide what's the next step. Don't worry, we'll be here for you to help you in any way we can. Good luck!