Separation anxiety - HELP!!!

[Tuty]

DD is 8 months old and has developed separation anxiety. At night she would scream as soon as we leave the room, we put her down and pat/shush, but as soon as we stop she picks her head up and cries again. We tried wi/wo, but as soon as we begin to leave she starts screaming again (she used to go to sleep on her own). In the past 3 days it took about 40 minutes until she finally went to sleep.

In the past couple of nights she woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't go back to sleep for 2 and a half hours. Both DH and myself felt very helpless, we had no idea how to get her back to sleep. We tried not to pick her up too much and mostly pat/shush and say calming words. We couldn't even leave the room for a second, as soon as we left she clinged on the bars of the crib and screamed (as if she was in prison..). After 2 hours of crying we fed her (I know it's a no no, but we were helpless, anyways she went to sleep 30 minutes later).

During the day she wouldn't let us/the nanny stop patting her back until she's completely asleep and she doesn't nap much anymore (today, she only had two 30 minutes naps, this has also started in the past few days). I'm sure this is also affecting her night sleep due to overtiredness.

This could also be a developmental stage as she keeps trying to stand in her crib.

We both feel very clueless and tired. We'd be happy with any suggestions. I pasted her usual routine below.
Thanks a lot,
Tuty

W: 6:30
E:  7:00 (6oz)
E:  8:30 cereal,yogurt,fruit
S:  9:30-10:30
E:  11:00 (6oz)
E:  12:30 veggies
S:  14:00-15:30
E:  15:30 (6oz)
E:  16:30/17:30 fruits/veggies
E:  18:30 (6oz)
S:  19:00

[*Kimberly*]

Does she have any sort of comfort item, like a stuffed animal or blanket, that you could put in the crib with her?  My lo has been having similar problems.  He is 8.5 months and this started about 3 weeks ago, around the time he began consistently getting into a sitting position (he was also sick which only made the problem worse).  He is fine in his crib until I begin to walk out the door.  So, I always try to get him focused on his stuffed animal and then turn on his musical bear and then I leave.  I will stand outside his bedroom door and count to 60 or so to see if he stops crying on his own.  Usually he does but sometimes he doesn't and then I will go back in and do a modified version of pu/pd and eventually he will fall over exhausted and go to sleep.  I also found that I was missing his sleep cues and putting him down too late.  His A time used to be 3 to 3.5 hours and now it is about 2.75 hours.  Not sure why it changed, but it did and that messed me up a little.

HTH,
Kimberly

[Tuty]

She has a stuffed animal (that's always in her crib) and she's usually grabbing it as soon as we put her in bed while we're singing to her. As soon as we stop singing and leave the room she begins to cry. I tried to ignore for a few seconds, but she immediately clings onto the crib's bars, so without one of unless one of us goes back in I'm afraid things will get worse. I turn on her calming music when she begins to cry, but still has to do a lot of patting.

I don't think it's overtiredness, she usually sleeps as much as her body needs. During the day she can take long or short naps depending on how tired she is (sometimes she could even nap for a couple of hours). The only sleep that's really consistent is at night.

[*Kimberly*]

I am sorry that my experience could not help you.   

There are so many great people here, I am sure one of them will share some little tidbit that will be just what you need.   

Kimberly

[gemmah]

Could it be teeth?
My LO sounds like she having similar and its her teeth.  You could try giving calpol before bed just to make sure she not waking in pain.
Also when you fed her in the night did she take a lot of milk? Is she waking hungry? (My LO was also doing with teething).

[Jaime]

there is some more about separation anxiety here, to see if anything rings a bell with you:

https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=62612.0

[Tuty]

Thanks all very much for your responses. I'm not really sure what it is anymore. Up until a week ago she used to go to sleep on her own. Now all of a sudden she has this terrified crying and clinging to the bed as we leave the room, so we were certain it was separation anxiety. But during the day she can play on her own for long periods and doesn't really mind us going in and out.

I don't know if it's teething (we've been blaming teething for any problem since she was 2 months old..).

It could be a developmental thing because she keeps trying to stand up. Anything we can do to more smoothly acoomodate these changes?

She wouldn't let us stop patting her, as soon as I stop she's up to a sitting position, than I pull her down and pat a little more (I try to do more shushing than patting as to not get her accustomed to falling asleep from patting). Eventually she goes to sleep on her own (but she wakes up once in the middle of the night - hasn't done that since 5 months, the last couple of nights she was settled back in 25 minutes).

She is now down from 14/14.5 hours of daily sleep to about 11.5/12 hours: 10.5 at night, now 7:15PM (we put her earlier as takes 40 minutes for her to go down)-5:45AM (with one waking) and about an 1/1.5 hours during the day (30 mins in the morning and about an hour in the afternoon). Since she was 6 months, she wouldn't agree to take a third nap (and there's no use in trying, it could take 45 minutes to achieve a 25 minutes nap). So perhaps, as Kimberly said, it is related to over tiredness. Any suggestions on how to change her routine? Should we limit her mid-day A time to 3 hours?

Thanks a lot,
Tuty

[Tuty]

btw, could teething be really bothering only at bedtime (and naps)? She does seem to put her fingers in her mouth a lot lately (but doesn't get fussy during the day).

[*Kimberly*]

While she is up she is focused on other things and that may be taking the attention off her teeth.  When she lays down to nap or go to bed there is nothing else going on so it may feel to her that her teeth hurt more.  Does that make sense?  When my lo is teething he is really cranky in the evening but not the rest of the day or during naps.  It is odd but that is the way he is.   

Kimberly

[Tuty]

I'm beginning to think it really is teething. What remedies do you recommend? (I don't think calpol is sold in the US)
Thanks much,
Tuty

[*Kimberly*]

I use the Hyland's Teeting Tablets and the Baby Orajel.  I know some people do not recommend the Baby Orajel because it is pretty strong, I just don't use a lot with him.  I use grown-up Orajel and I have never had a problem and I have never seen my son have a problem.  The Orajel tends to wear off more quickly but sometimes the tablets just don't work for him.  Brendan also loves the gummy teethers that you put in the fridge, he has one shaped like a duck which is his favorite.  He does not like the round ones like the Baby Einstein ones.  We also have a teether that vibrates when you bite down on it that he likes.  We have also used some Baby Tylenol when he was really having a bad day.  At 8 months, her naps are probably far enough apart that you can give tylenol at each nap and bedtime if you felt comfortable.  If we do that, we usually just decrease the dose a little so he isn't getting too much in a 24-hour period.

Hope you find something that works for her. 

Kimberly

[Tuty]

I'm not sure what it was, but things are almost back to normal now (oh, how I wish she could tell us what's wrong.. ;-). The past couple of nights she was back to sleeping thru with no pain relievers (so I don't think she's teething, yet..). She's still clinging to her crib's bars and crying as soon as we're about to leave her at night, as if to tell us that she still wants us to be around, but I turn on the music, put her down on her tummy and pat for a few seconds and she calms down and goes to sleep on her own. Could this be a mild separation anxiety??

[*Kimberly*]

I am glad that she is doing better.  I think she is fine if she is calming down and going to sleep on her own.

Kimberly